Resentment is something that haunts every person almost every day. All people are constantly offended by someone or offend someone. However, everyone is already so accustomed to considering offense as something everyday that they do not notice the damage it causes to each of the participants. It can have serious consequences in the future, so you should think about how to deal with the resentment. After all, it depends on you how strongly this or that incident will affect your psyche. And if you just can’t overcome the feelings gnawing at you on your own, this article will offer you several ways to deal with resentment. Explore them, choose the ones that suit you best, try them separately or in combinations. After all, it is very important to learn how to cope with resentment. Pretty quickly you will realize that your life is much better without her.

Resentment: how to deal with it

So, in this article you will learn how to deal with resentment. However, to do this, you need to understand what it is and why it manifests itself. Resentment is the feeling a person experiences when someone has said or done something unpleasant to him. However, it has differences from anger and other manifestations of negative emotions. Most often it is hidden, that is, a person feels that he is unpleasant, but does not tell about it to the person who offended him. This is precisely why problems arise. The fact is that grievances tend to accumulate, and also have an even more dangerous property - to grow. If someone has offended you, then it is best to resolve the situation as soon as possible, because the more the offense “ripens” inside you, the worse it will be for you. The person who gave you this unpleasant feeling may not even know about it. But at the same time, you have already gone through hundreds of situations in your head and inflated your resentment to unprecedented proportions. Although it could all start with any little thing.

The thing is that resentment is a manifestation of the inner child inside each person. You may be twenty-five or fifty years old, but deep down you still have a part of your childish ego. And because of this, an irrational reaction to a person’s statement or action occurs. Resentment lies inside a person and does not come out. And it can take a serious toll on your mental health. If you accumulate grievances and do not learn to cope with them, this can seriously affect your condition. This is why you need to learn how to deal with resentment. And this article will help you with this.

Talk

The first thing you need to understand if you want to know how to deal with feelings of resentment is that the person who hurt you is not a mind reader. Often he can't know that you didn't like what he said or did. Therefore, first of all, you need to try to suppress your childish ego at least a little in order to make room for rational thinking. How can a person feel guilty if he does not know that he is being blamed? Naturally, he will not come to you because he has no idea that he should do this. Therefore, you should definitely talk to this person. Tell him that you were offended by a specific remark or behavior of his. In most cases this works flawlessly. The person who offended you, if you approach him calmly and not with direct accusations, will also look at the situation from a rational point of view and understand what exactly he did wrong. This the simplest way how to cope with resentment towards a person. However, there are other methods that some may find more convenient or effective. They can also be used when the first method did not work.

Forgiveness

Many women wonder how to cope with resentment towards a man. After all, if you are in a relationship, then, most likely, the first method does not always work - you know each other too well for one of you to remain in the dark about the fact that he offended his partner. This method, which will be described now, is not only suitable for this case - you can use it in any situation in life. Its essence lies in the simplest forgiveness. When you are offended by a person, you mainly harm only yourself, so you should learn to forgive offenses without the participation of the other party. Instead of holding a grudge inside, forgive the person who offended you. Naturally, if he continues to do this further, then other actions will have to be taken, but if this is an isolated case, forgiveness may become the best option. So, if you are wondering how to cope, you should definitely try to simply forgive him, since you must not forget that he is the closest person in the world to you.

Lesson

If you're wondering how to deal with resentment and anger, then you most likely haven't tried to look a little deeper inside yourself. Often, even something positive can be learned from an insult. If you have been wronged, you can ease your suffering by engaging in self-reflection. Think about what caused such strong feelings. Most likely, the person offended you for something that is very relevant to you - what is it? Think about it and try to draw conclusions from it. As you can see, you can take something positive out of any situation that can help you in your future life.

Understanding

When you think about how to cope with a bad mood, irritation, or resentment, you most often think only about yourself. This is a completely normal trait for a person, but sometimes it is worth looking a little further than your own self. Almost always, an insult is perceived as a personal insult, and rare people immediately begin to think logically and assume that the problem may not be about them at all. Sometimes someone may offend you by accident because something happened in their family or some important plans for them fell through. And you just fell under the hot hand. Therefore, you should not harbor a grudge, because in a few hours a person may already return to normal and forget about how he told you something, and you will still be offended by him. Try to understand the people around you, as often you will find yourself in their shoes and you will most likely want to be understood, and not immediately judged harshly.

Analysis

This paragraph is a kind of combination of some of the previous ones, since it will ask you to analyze the situation. If you want to know how to deal with resentment and... negative emotions, you need to think soberly and not succumb to manifestations of acute feelings. Analyze the situation: if you were offended stranger, whom you will most likely never meet again, then you should not think about this offense at all. Forget about it and never remember it so that it does not interfere with your life. If the offense was caused by someone close and this is not the first time, then you will have to use other measures. Just remember that in this situation, your main weapon is a calm conversation, and not harsh accusations.

Expectations

It often happens that resentment arises because a person simply did not live up to your expectations. You implied that he would act in a certain way, since you are friends, colleagues, relatives, etc., but he acted completely differently, and for this you are offended by him. If you soberly look at this situation from the outside, you will understand that it is stupid and irrational. It has already been written above that no one is able to read your thoughts, so you should either make them public or not demand that a person do something that he does not consider necessary. If you think that your friend should have helped you in a particular situation, tell him about it, or just forget and don’t expect him to do something that he didn’t and doesn’t intend to do.

NLP

There is such a technique as neurolinguistic programming, abbreviated as NLP. With its help, the most difficult problems that people have are often solved, and it also allows one to cope with grievances. One of the most striking examples is the burning of a sheet of grievances. You need to write down on a piece of paper all the insults that a person has caused you, throw out all your emotions on paper, and then burn this sheet, imagining how they burn in the fire. It looks quite strange, but in reality it turns out to be an extremely effective method. You program yourself for your own happiness, and listing grievances and burning a leaf is just a symbol that allows you to convince yourself as simply as possible that you are the master of your own happiness.

Another option

Recently, NLP has become increasingly popular, so this article will present another method that relates to this technique. You need to write on paper the name of your offender and what exactly he did to you. After this, you need to write that you are for him. Repeat this several dozen times a day until your resentment goes away due to the fact that you program yourself for forgiveness by constant repetition of the action. Naturally, this approach should only be used if you are unable to forgive a person without any outside help.

Letting off steam

Well, another option that will allow you to forget the insult and cheer yourself up is to let off steam. If you have it good, if not, take a pillow or something similar. Well, then everyone understands what needs to be done: imagine that this is your offender, and let off steam on him. Naturally, this approach is recommended for use with strangers or not the closest people, such as, for example, a boss, and not a mother or husband.

In general, I am not a supporter of helping people cope with feelings or get rid of them, but when asked “ how to deal with resentment", I react differently than in other cases. I usually help people accept and learn to express their feelings.

But the feeling of resentment stands apart from all other feelings. Its main difference for me is that it is directed at the person himself and is destructive. It is very difficult to turn a feeling of resentment into a resource (as you can do with almost any other feeling). Every time a person gets offended, he wastes his life force without replenishing it with anything.

Therefore, in my opinion, it is necessary to cope with the feeling of resentment.

In the first part of the article “ Resentment " it was said about the origin and formation of a feeling of resentment and the reaction that follows it. From childhood this feeling passes into adult life person. In general, nothing changes.

An adult becomes offended if:

• perceives the situation as unfair
• does not have the resource to solve the problem in a constructive way
• unconsciously uses resentment as a feeling that suppresses some other feeling
• benefits (by being offended, he can manipulate the behavior of other people)

So how to deal with resentment?

It's difficult to provide one general scheme solutions to the problem for all people, but for initial independent research, try the following points:

1. Answer the questions

Why are you interested in the question of how to cope with resentment? Why would you want to get rid of this feeling? How does it bother you? If there is no more resentment in your life, how will that change it?

2. Try to remember all the “forbidden” feelings in your childhood

Phrases like “good children don’t get angry”, “hating is bad”, “you can’t be envious” may come to mind. Who forbade you from them?

How do you deal with these feelings now? Are they still “off limits” for you? What about other people?

If you can remember these phrases, you can re-evaluate these “truths.” Until now, they were so deep in the subconscious that questioning their correctness did not even arise. And now you can formulate your truths, for example, “the goodness of a child has nothing to do with the feelings he experiences,” “there are no bad or good feelings,” etc.

“If I could have any feeling, what would I experience in this situation?”

Why is this “forbidden” feeling so scary for you now? (If in childhood there was a fear of losing the love of significant adults, now it’s...?)

If you can figure out why you are so afraid to give vent to your feelings, then by dealing with these fears, you can begin to experience the full range of feelings, and not the resentment that replaces them, which will certainly make you a happier person.

4. Can you identify a group of people (or situations) with whom (in which) you most often experience feelings of resentment?

Who from your childhood do these people remind you of? What makes these situations special?

If you can draw parallels with specific people from your childhood, this will mean that you still feel like the child you were.

What to do with this understanding? Working with the Inner Child is very difficult and you may not be able to cope without the help of a psychologist. But the essence of solving the problem is to “grow” your Inner Child, to help him outgrow addiction.

5. Do you have any benefit from being offended?

Try to objectively assess how other people react when you feel offended and act “offended.”

If you see a benefit in your resentment, then first weigh, “what is more valuable to you: receiving this benefit or coping with the resentment?” If the benefit is more valuable, then you can do nothing further, since it will be pointless (no amount of work on yourself will give results). If dealing with the offense turns out to be a priority, then 1) you need to recognize and accept the fact that it is beneficial for you to be offended 2) look for ways to get what you want in other ways.

6. About justice

What do you think about this? Answer for yourself the questions that were voiced in the first part (I will duplicate them here):

• How did you know it was there?
• Did someone promise you? Who? When?
• Based on the assumption of justice, how can it be explained that one is born rich and healthy, while another is born poor and sick?
• Why has “injustice” persisted for centuries? Is this "fair"?
• What function does belief in justice serve for you? How does she help you? What questions does it answer?

These are only the first steps towards solving the problem " how to deal with resentment" Many questions are difficult to answer on your own. But sometimes it is enough to seriously think about a problem and begin to study it, and much becomes clear. When there is understanding, the ability to control previously uncontrollable situations appears.

Resentment in psychology is a strong destructive feeling that has a destructive effect. Being offended, people refuse to communicate with loved ones, change the attitude of others towards themselves, and harm their own health. It leaves behind pain and emptiness that will persist for a long time: days, weeks, even years. When the pain gradually calms down, offensive words, gestures, glances suddenly reappear in the memories - and the condition returns, and with its former strength. To avoid such situations, you need to learn to transform negative reactions and get rid of accumulated attitudes that are harmful to harmony.

A state of resentment occurs when one person, when communicating, says or commits actions that go beyond what is permissible in the opinion of the other. Characterized by the following conditions:

• hostility;
• irritation;
• mental pain;
• annoyance;
• feeling of betrayal;
• the desire to inflict the same trauma on the interlocutor;
• exclusively subjective assessment of the situation due to blocking of consciousness;
• anger.

In psychology, the basis of resentment is the state after unfulfilled expectations from the interlocutor:

• real - I expected you to keep your promise;
• imaginary - I thought you would do this and not differently.

The reaction occurs regardless of the nature of the expectations. Then it follows one of the paths: it breaks out or hides inside the personality. The first path in most cases leads to conflicts, the second - to internal and prolonged coldness towards the offender.

While one of the parties to the conflict is offended, the other feels guilty. If this does not happen, the state of resentment becomes useless. It is impossible to experience a feeling of resentment towards an object that cannot react: animals, unfamiliar, inanimate objects. Those who will definitely avoid remorse and refuse to correct the situation will not cause feelings of resentment. Their words will most likely leave a reaction of anger, annoyance, and insult.

How to deal with grievances?

The reaction to an unpleasant situation depends on the personality type:

• Persons with increased expressiveness, choleric people, active extroverts splash out their emotions on their opponent. The misunderstanding that arises affects relationships, can quarrel, make enemies;
• People of a melancholic nature prefer to keep a negative reaction inside, putting pressure on their opponent’s conscience with hidden levers. The feeling of injustice of the interlocutor causes depression. The conflict may not have a strong negative connotation, but such people can be offended for years, hiding their view of what happened and not trying to correct the situation.

Psychology of personal resentment: how does this feeling arise and what is it fraught with?

The basis of personal negative reactions is considered to be incorrect ideas about the interlocutor, comparison of one’s picture of the world with his worldview.

Over time, each individual develops his own set of ideas about the surrounding space. It’s good if the acceptable behavior patterns of the interlocutors are approximately the same. Disagreements, with a biased assessment, lead to the reaction: “I thought you would do it differently,” “I think your words are wrong.”

The causes of occurrence are conventionally divided into three groups:

1. Unconscious manipulation due to inability to forgive. A common cause of grievances according to psychologists.
2. in order to make the interlocutor feel guilty, and then get what he wants.
3. Frustrated expectations. If you perceive your picture of the world as the only correct one, then the expectations associated with other people will sooner or later not be met. The reasons can be both significant and trivial. A colleague forgets to give him a ride home (“But I gave him a lift several times! He should have offered me the same!”), a friend from social networks I forgot to congratulate him on his birthday (“And I congratulated him. I’ll put it on a special list, then I’ll deliberately ignore his name day!”) - this is how resentment happens.

If a person is constantly offended, psychology promises him the following consequences:

• loss of communication with others. Not only that, not all friends are ready to feel guilty for someone’s destructive logic when trying to restore relationships. It may happen that the offender will tell others about the conflict, after which they will begin to shun the offended person;
• not everyone is ready to understand the reasons aggressive behavior another, to guess whether he was offended by something, and if so, what exactly. Most people just don't care about it. The offended person has to keep the destructive emotion inside, not understanding how to get out of the situation;
• resentment (unexpressed - especially) undermines physical health, since it is directly related to nervous system. Experiences due to the loss of harmonious communication with loved ones and harm to one’s own interests can affect one’s physical condition.

Resentment from a psychological point of view

As psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin notes, this is one of the most common reasons for seeking advice. It happens that a person formulates his problem completely differently, incorrectly building cause-and-effect relationships. During the consultation, it turns out that the cause of the current situation was precisely resentment. Therefore, if you have serious difficulties interacting with others, it is recommended to seek help from a specialist.

The psychology of resentment identifies several types of this feeling:

• Imaginary - based on a conscious desire to manipulate a loved one, to attract his attention. There is an exact calculation: “now I will show that I need to be treated differently, and he will make amends, for example, make a pleasant surprise.” This is often abused by children, thus demanding from their parents what they want;
• Random - occurs when disagreements arise between interlocutors. Instead of a reasoned dispute, a negative reaction appears. The conversation immediately changes direction: attempts begin to make amends, gain forgiveness, a conflict occurs, or communication simply stops;
• With an erroneous vector - for example, parents rewarded a sister with a sweet gift for getting “A’s” in her diary, but her brother was not doing well in his studies, so he was left without a gift. Instead of learning a lesson by improving his grades, the brother begins to take offense at his sister and behaves accordingly towards her. She, despite the lack of guilt, feels remorse;
• Hidden - does not appear externally. There are many reasons for this: a person is not ready to admit to himself that he is experiencing this feeling, he was raised with the attitude “to be offended is bad,” he simply does not want to conflict at a particular moment, etc. Sooner or later, the emotion will find a way out. But all the time while it is inside, the person experiences the smallest details of the conflict over and over again, continuing to put a strain on the nervous system.

In psychology, a feeling of resentment is characteristic of most people. But some people rarely get offended for really serious reasons, while others make it their lifestyle. They are ready to look for reasons in everything, and then obediently wait for the world to apologize and have a beneficial effect on their self-esteem.

Psychosomatics of the emergence of feelings of resentment

This emotion provokes diseases and disruptions in all body systems. The most vulnerable organ may be damaged.

Aggression, as an integral component of any negative reaction, rarely finds a way out in full. Part remains inside until the person gets rid of the memories of the situation, turning his attention to other topics. While inside, an aggressive reaction has a destructive effect on:

• nervous system: headaches, discomfort in the solar plexus area, problems with the spine;
• endocrine system: hormonal balance is disrupted due to anxiety, which provokes other diseases.

Most often, according to psychology, touchy people suffer. The heart muscle takes the blow of any experience. Unexpressed or unfinished grievances aggravate chronic diseases and add new ones. For example, gynecological problems, including infertility with an unknown cause, may be associated with misunderstandings between partners. Depression and depressed states often appear. Especially complex cases transform accumulated negativity into cancer or suicide attempts.

Timely work on character will help to avoid particularly serious conditions. Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin claims: it’s never too late to start building a harmonious personality:

Positive and negative manifestations of resentment

By its nature, such a reaction is only one of many feelings that a person is capable of expressing. But the impact on relationships with the outside world is so destructive that it is recommended to get rid of touchiness and reduce it to a minimum.

Negative manifestations:

• spoils relationships with loved ones;
• makes the touchy person unbearable;
• creates a negative image among friends and colleagues;
• affects physical condition;
• takes a lot of time.

It’s curious: for the “victim” herself there is nothing negative in this bad habit. Why does a person get offended by trifles? Psychology gives the answer: it is simple and effective way manipulate others. I was offended - I got what I wanted. The goal has been achieved.

In fact, the positive manifestations of these reactions are different:

• a chance to identify your weaknesses. Words and actions hurt when they touch a nerve. Is it possible to somehow protect, work through, strengthen the weakened “bastion” of the personality in order to avoid repetition? By the way, this is one way to distract yourself: start working on ways to protect yourself in the future;
• defensive reaction from pain A respite appears, time to switch from the very fact of separation to the feeling of injustice;
• one of the ways to cleanse yourself of accumulated negativity. In the process of getting rid of negative attitudes, a person clears away the “blockages” of frustration, anger, indignation and despondency that have been quietly accumulating.

Why get rid of feelings of resentment?

Touchiness in psychology, if there are no signs of a conscious bad habit, is, in fact, a subjective assessment of other people's life beliefs. Because someone thinks differently and does not live up to expectations, the victim suffers. Responsibility for suffering in most cases lies with her.

Getting rid of the feeling of resentment brings to life:

• calm;
• relief of the soul;
• physical health;
• psycho-emotional well-being;
• inspiration and success.

There is no point in wasting your time on frustration and anger that a loved one or colleague did not do something or did it in their own way. At the first signs of occurrence, you need to take control of the situation and get rid of destructive emotions.

In the process of getting rid of it, it will be important to analyze what is happening in order to prevent a recurrence in the future. For example, if close person If you didn’t give a gift on the occasion of a certain date, you need to figure out why this happened. Did he forget? This means that next time it’s worth reminding him in advance, preferably in a gentle form, so that he won’t be offended.

How to forgive an insult?

Touchiness is an acquired character trait in psychology. We learn this from the adults around us, we adopt how bad habit, and then we spend a long time looking for ways to get rid of it.

Two pieces of advice for victims:

• throw these experiences out of your heart;
• learn to forgive.

It is difficult for someone who has been accustomed to being offended by others all his life, to manipulate them consciously or unconsciously, to follow these tips. Psychologists' clients often misunderstand what is meant by seemingly simple phrases.

Remove resentment from your heart

There is a good exercise for this: emotional isolation. It is based on simple example. The offender is perceived by the victim as a source of conflict. If she sees him every day without the opportunity to physically isolate herself (for example, colleagues working in the same office), she should try to turn off any emotions towards the offender. A notepad, pen, paper on the table do not evoke any emotions. The same neutral indifference must be formed towards the offender. It may be difficult at first. But over time, the quarrel based on subjective perception will be forgotten, the conflict will be settled. Neutrality - best helper for those who want to get rid of negative consequences communication.

How to achieve neutrality? Work through conflict situation once with yourself or a psychologist, come to the conclusion: the negative reaction is caused by unjustified expectations in relation to an opponent who could not reach the set bar. Let go of the offender along with his internal perception of the world, norms, and attitudes.

How a psychologist can help: teach you how to train stress resistance. Emotional stability is the key

Learning to forgive

Forgiveness is a conscious state, sincere, always coming from the heart. Only such a deep feeling really helps to deal with conflicts faster, as well as control the situation, promptly stopping attempts to offend and the desire to be offended.

To learn to forgive, you need to work daily with your life attitudes and change them. This can be done in any state, even if at that moment there is no resentment in the heart.

Five steps to the ability to forgive and love:

1. Live in harmony with your emotions.
2. Learn to let go of the past and live for today.
3. Control states, choose them consciously (“I choose forgiveness, not revenge”).
4. Learn lessons from each situation and use them in the future.
5. Forgive yourself, give love and light to others.

How a psychologist can help: There are training exercises for each step. A written statement of one’s own views, positions, and attitudes, followed by analysis, helps a lot. If you have a strong desire to follow this path, sign up for a consultation with psychologist Nikita Baturin. With its help, it is easier to learn to get rid of grievances.

How to help your child cope with resentment?

It is generally accepted that people tend to be offended from the age of 2–3 years. This is the beginning period active interaction individuals with the outside world. The baby learns what emotions are available to him, what they are for, and how they manifest themselves. He may not only be offended, but also demonstrate his reaction. If the adults around him do not tell him in time what is happening to him, but simply make up for his guilt with gifts time after time, the child will learn to manipulate.

The ability to consciously take offense remains until adulthood. Resentment is, to some extent, a “childish” feeling that does not grow with the owner. Adults are offended by others like five-year-old children.

Responsibility for such behavior lies on the shoulders of parents, guardians, and teachers. To prevent a person from growing up touchy, psychology gives some advice to educators of young children.

1. You cannot ignore a child's emotions. Explain, talk through each reaction. An offended child needs to calmly tell the essence of what is happening. If he tries to persuade him to buy his favorite sweets or toys, calmly explain why the purchase is impossible. The more often you ignore a child’s feelings, the longer and more difficult the path to getting rid of bad emotional habits will be.
2. Children cannot be prevented from showing emotions. After all, what is resentment in psychology? It's a destructive feeling, destroying external relations, depriving inner harmony. It cannot be hidden inside, “because it is not customary to be offended.” The sooner you instill in a person the habit of transforming negative reactions into life experiences, the easier it will be for him in adulthood.
3. Punishment for displaying such reactions provokes a desire for revenge.
4. Teach your children to forgive. This can be done with the help of books, films, stories. The best way- this is, of course, my own example.

They say you need to prepare for it psychologically. You need to build a harmonious personality so that later you can easily instill these qualities in your children. Personal example was and remains the best teacher.

Resentment in childhood- not just a negative emotion. This is a great opportunity to learn self-analysis and behavior control. The child learns to draw conclusions and build a behavioral strategy. Therefore, you should not be afraid of children's emotions and fight them. You just need to choose the right keys to the baby’s heart.

To summarize, we can say: resentment is also a medicine, you just need the right dosage. If this is not manipulation and a good habit of achieving what you want, then a negative reaction to words or actions can be considered one of the feelings characteristic of a person. The higher your emotional intelligence, the more you benefit from hurtful situations. After self-analysis, such a person strives to quickly get rid of negative consequences. This is the path to success, harmony with yourself and the world around you.

To overcome the feelings of resentment associated with it. I strongly recommend that you familiarize yourself with it before reading this one.

Briefly, let's remember what the speech was about. The wrong decisions are the following:

1. To harbor resentment
2. Cry to friends/family
3. Look for external solutions

Now, starting from an understanding of what you can’t do and why, you can start talking about what to do next.

How to deal with resentment after a breakup correctly

What I wrote in the first part of the article may lead to a contradictory story. On the one hand, it is impossible to keep emotions inside yourself, and on the other hand, pouring out this negativity on other people is also not recommended.

Accordingly, we need an approach that would allow us to simultaneously express and acknowledge our emotions, and at the same time would not involve other people. The ideal solution, which is recommended by many psychologists in articles on this topic, is write down your emotions on paper. This is the first step.

Step 1: Write down your emotions

You don't have to take paper and pen - a text editor will work too. In this work you face several important tasks:

1. Describe in as much detail as possible your resentment from the breakup.
2. Describe possible reasons your emotions
3. Describe all the decisions you made in connection with the separation
4. Throw out any negativity (swearing is appropriate)
5. Write down any thoughts about the breakup that arose during the process of writing out the previous paragraphs

Notice that this is exactly what you do with your female friends when you meet them with the desire to be comforted by their company. You describe in exactly the same way what happened, describe your emotions, make some decisions, throw out any negativity, express any thoughts about this. If you find it difficult to write down all these things, imagine that you find yourself in a circle of friends who are ready to support you in every possible way and justify your emotions. What will you tell them about how you feel?

The advantage of writing out your emotions, compared to shedding bitter tears to your friends, is that such work forces you to be more aware. When you break someone's bones in a group of friends, you - I bet - never you don’t ask the question “Why am I experiencing these emotions.”

At the same time, if you pay attention to the second point, you will have to start learning to understand yourself and write down not only what is on your mind, but also your guesses about the cause of your emotions. It’s okay if it’s difficult at first - if you work seriously and systematically (more on this at the end of the article), then this skill - recognizing your emotions and the reasons for their occurrence - will be practiced automatically.

Okay, let’s say you made the decision to sit down at the computer and properly describe your emotions “on the shelves” - albeit clumsily. What to do next?

...you will have to start learning to understand yourself and write down... the reasons for your emotions.

There should have been a Step 2 here, but we have to take a short break. Before proceeding further, I have to ask you, dear reader, why are you even here?

What does it mean to you to let go of resentment? Does this mean throwing away the negativity and moving on with your life, without fooling yourself over a recent breakup? Or does this mean eliminating the resentment that has settled in the subconscious so that such episodes do not arise in the future?

If you choose the first, then you need advice on short-term overcoming resentment. You just need to do something now so as not to suffer, and then life will improve on its own. If this sounds like you, then here it is, Step 2:

Step 2: Do nothing

That's it, congratulations! All necessary work has been done. You have already written out your negative emotions. You met them face to face, which already a little prevented them from settling in the subconscious. You may even have learned something new about yourself. Moreover, you managed not to confuse anyone with your negativity, that’s really great!

Why don't you need to do anything else? Because if you are a mentally healthy person, your pain from resentment cannot be felt acute too long. Your mind will protect itself by “shoving” your resentment deeper into the subconscious so that you can move on with your life. No wonder wisdom says “Time heals”...

Over time, the suffering from resentment will stop, and the pain from parting will subside. You will be able to live as you lived before, and maybe better. You may find yourself a new partner - or maybe not. As it were, obviously You won’t suffer from a recent breakup. In extreme cases, if it was so painful that it plunged you into the abyss of depression for six months, then after 10 years you will remember it with a pang, but no more. Even if so, just as they remembered, they forgot. Life will provide you with many opportunities to distract yourself from your negative emotions.

Therefore, once again, take a piece of paper and a pen, write down the negative, and you will be happy.

Okay, but what if suddenly this article was stumbled upon by a person who for some reason was dissatisfied with the advice above? What if it seems to him that something is still wrong here, and that the solution is incomplete? What if there is a feeling that even if the resentment has subsided, it will definitely appear again? What if already fed up experience the same negative emotions over and over again, each time be consoled by something, and then again find yourself in situations where these emotions arise, suffer from them again, be consoled again, and so on?

If you are such a person, then I am sincerely glad, because in fact, my site is designed for people like you. Just for those who have already realized that there is no escape from resentment. That she is like a hydra, which if you cut off one head, will grow several more - just give it a reason. And life will give you reasons to be offended! The only question is: how will you react to them?

Resentment...like a hydra, which if you cut off one head, will grow several more - just give it a reason.

If your work on your resentment is limited to writing out your emotions or consoling yourself with friends, you will never get rid of the resentment. IN long term period she will definitely return.

But if you are aware of this and see the need to systematically eliminate all your grievances and the causes of their occurrence, then you are ready to ensure that you get rid of the resentment in long term period. And to get rid of it, you need it work through. That is, to put it simply, do something about it - not just write down its reasons on a piece of paper. And working through more than just one episode of resentment from one breakup is just the beginning.

Getting rid of the oppression of one painful episode in your life is not enough to free yourself from resentment forever. Let's say a man is reading these lines now. Do you think your relationship with your mother as a child does not determine your relationships with women now? Another way to determine it. Do you think that the resentment you may have felt from your first unrequited feelings (ah, school:) does not determine your reactions to behavior from women now? Another way to determine it. What about all your beliefs about women - could your emotional reactions be influenced by them? For sure.

What am I getting at? Long-term relief from resentment involves systematically working through everyone their grievances, everyone their past emotional traumas, everyone the reasons for their occurrence, everyone negative emotions you experience everyone decisions you made based on your grievances, everyone relationships that you had, everyone beliefs about the relationship that you have. In essence, you will have to sift through the entire contents of your mind and massively eliminate from it all the causes of resentment. Only then will you truly be free from it.

Are you ready for this kind of work? If not, no big deal. Again, you have already dealt with the resentment from the breakup, and life will get better on its own, over time.

But if your decision to stop being a victim of your emotions has gained sufficient strength, and you are ready to systematically work on eliminating all your grievances, and you want to ensure that no separations bring you suffering anymore, then the next step is to acquire a system for working through the contents of your mind. All those things two paragraphs above must be eliminated from the subconscious, and for this we will need an appropriate system of working on ourselves.

Step 2.0 Arm yourself with an internal development system

There are many such systems. But ours must have a number of parameters. She must be at least:

1. Powerful, that is, it must work with all the contents of the subconscious at once. What good is it for us to work through one youthful grievance, if this is only one of the thousands that we have had in our lives. No, we need to work through everything at once.
2. Fast, that is, we don’t want to delve into our minds for years, looking for the causes of grievances. There should be tangible results within just a few months.
3. Simple, that is, it should not require special knowledge and skills. So that not only psychologists can use it.
4. Effective, that is, the results should be felt. There should be a shift in the emotional background towards positive feelings, there should be less reaction to people, there should be fewer limiting beliefs that somehow negatively affect behavior, and so on.

Since my site is aimed at people who are ready for systematic work, I provide all the necessary tools to work on themselves. The internal development system I’m talking about is called Turbo-Suslik, and you can get acquainted with it on the Main page of the site, and you can also subscribe to the newsletter on the intricacies of its application using the form at the bottom of this page. I simply don’t want to repeat myself here, so the article turned out to be rather long :).

Step 3. Work through it

Do you have an intention to eliminate garbage from your head? Are you ready to work? Do you have all the necessary tools for the job? Then go ahead and sing. Best time to start changing is the present moment :).

Harmless results

The bottom line is that you have to ask yourself what you want. If you want a short-term and quick, but at the same time superficial solution to how to cope with resentment after a breakup, I recommend you follow Step 2. If you want a long-term and effective solution, but requiring little systematic effort from you, then I advise you to follow Step 2.0. Whatever you choose will be good, I promise :).