How an inspector should behave with conflicting people. How to behave in conflict situations: advice from a psychologist. How to behave when provoked into conflict: the ABC of a peacemaker

Each conflict is unique in nature, and it is impossible to foresee the optimalway out of it. But still, knowing the recommendations of psychologists will greatly simplify this task.

At the first stage it is necessary to recognize and analyze the conflict situation. ForTo do this, it is necessary to determine the cause and goals of the conflict (paying attention to the discrepancy between true and stated goals) and assess the potential threat (what the conflict can lead to). When determining the cause of the conflict, you need to understand for yourself as precisely as possible what in your partner’s actions seems unacceptable to you and what is unacceptable for him. It should be borne in mind that not every dispute is dictated by the need to identify the “truth”; it can reflect either long-buried resentment, hostility and jealousy, or be used as a convenient moment to humiliate the opponent in someone’s eyes, or play the role of the “last straw” “If necessary, “free yourself” from accumulated irritation and anger.

For timely recognition of conflict and making the right decision necessary answer the following questions:

• How is the problem perceived by the other party?
• What lies at the heart of the problem, and what does it mean for each side?
• How likely is this situation to escalate into a conflict?
• What's behind the other person's reactions?
• Is the behavior of each of the opponents consistent with the current situation (research shows that the strength of the reaction usually does not correspond to the significance conflict)?
• What needs to be done to prevent conflict?
• What to do if opposing party will behave differently
  I would like to?
• What are the possible consequences of favorable and unfavorable development?
  situations?
• What is your level of physical danger?

You need to clearly understand with whom you are having a dispute or trying to resolve it. A self-confident opponent is usually verbose in communication and does not avoid a showdown.A person who is unsure of his abilities tries to avoid a showdown and does not disclosehis goals, but at the same time he can stubbornly stand his ground, hiding his weakness under “principledness.”It is very difficult to negotiate with a stubborn, primitive person, and alsodenounced by power, whose goal is not to prove the truth in favor of the cause, but to use the slightest opportunity to show “who is the boss here.”

It is dangerous to conflict with intellectually narrow-minded or unbalanced people.Firstly, such a conflict does not lend itself to a logical conclusion; it is impossible for thembecause it involves emotions and not common sense. Secondly, the style of behavior is monotonous - hostile, aggressive, easily moving to a lower, primitive level - the level of insults, which increases hostility and makes it easier to move from a verbal altercation to a physical clash. When all the verbal “proofs” of such people are exhausted, they resort to the last argument - physical force.

After the analysis is carried out, a conflict resolution strategy is chosen (stylebehavior). Experts highlight five typical strategies behavior in conflict situationssituations. Each of the following strategies should only be used whenthe situation in which this strategy is appropriate.

1. Strategy "rivalry, competition" - open struggle for one’s interests, persistent defense of one’s position. It is effective when the result is important for both parties, and their interests are opposite, or when the problem needs to be fundamentally solved. This is a tough style, in which the principle of “who will win” operates, and is dangerous,because there is a risk of losing.

• you have greater capabilities (power, strength, etc.) than your opponent;
• prompt and decisive measures are required in case of unforeseen and dangerous situations;
• there is nothing to lose and no other choice;
• the outcome is very important to you, and you place a big bet on your solution to the problem;
• you have sufficient authority to make a decision, and it appearsit is obvious that the solution you propose is the best;
• you have to “work” in front of other people whose opinions you care about.

2. Strategy "ignoring, avoiding conflict" - desire to get out conflict situation without eliminating its causes.It is effective when it is necessary to postpone the solution to a problem to a later time in order to more seriously study the situation or find the necessary reasons and arguments. Recommended when resolving a conflict with .

This strategy should be chosen when:

• defending your position is unprincipled or a matter of disagreement for youmore significant for your opponent than for you;
• the most important task is to restore calm and stability, andnot resolving the conflict;
• opens up the possibility of more complex problem situations compared to the one being considered now;
• during the conflict you begin to realize that you are wrong;
• the problem seems hopeless;
• defending your point of view requires a lot of time and significantintellectual effort;
• you don’t really care about what happened;
• you feel that it is more important to maintain a good relationship with someone thandefend your interests;
• trying to solve a problem immediately is dangerous because open discussionconflict can only worsen the situation.

3. "Accommodation" strategy - changing one’s position, restructuring one’s behavior, smoothing out contradictions, sometimes sacrificing one’s interests. Outwardly it maylook like you accept and share your opponent’s position. Close to the “ignoring” strategy.

This style of behavior is used in cases where:

• the problem is not important to you;
• there is a need to maintain good relations with the opposite party;
• need to gain time;
• it is preferable to win a moral victory over an opponent by yielding to him.

4. Collaboration strategy - joint development of a solution that satisfies the interests of all parties, albeit lengthy and consisting of several stages, but beneficial to the cause. The most open and honest style involves active participation in resolving the conflict, taking into account the interests of one’s own and the opponent. Often used to resolve open and protracted conflicts.

Applicable in cases where:

• need to find common decision, if the issue is too important for both parties, no one wants to give in, and compromise is therefore impossible;
• you have a close, long-term and interdependent relationship with the other party, and youwant to save them;
• there is time to work on the problem that has arisen;
• your capabilities are approximately equal to those of your opponent.

5."Compromise" strategy - settlement of disagreements through mutual concessions. Preferable in cases where it is impossible to simultaneously accomplish what they wantboth sides. Compromise options - making a temporary solution, making adjustmentsinitial goals, obtaining a certain part in order to avoid losing everything.

The strategy is applied when:

• the parties have equally convincing arguments;
• it takes time to resolve complex issues;
• it is necessary to make an urgent decision when there is a shortage of time;
• cooperation and directive assertion of one’s point of view do not lead to success;
• both parties have equal power and have mutually exclusive interests;
• you may be satisfied with a temporary solution;
• Satisfying your desire doesn't mean much to you great importance, and youyou can slightly change the goal set at the beginning;
• compromise will allow you to save the relationship, and you would rather gain something than lose everything.

At the second stage(conflict resolution), in accordance with the adopted strategybehavior, it is necessary to accept the limitations that the enemy imposes, andimpose your own restrictions. At the same time, it is necessary to quickly and easily rebuild and tack.

When resolving a conflict situation, you need to take into account following rules behavior and response to a conflicting person:

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Preparedness for a conflict situation and correct behavior in it is one of the most important qualities of a man. And the point is not even that your girlfriend will be proud of you when she sees you “in action,” but in you. Realizing your point of view, beliefs, competent behavior and a stable emotional state is the key to success in work and relationships, as well as maintaining a stable psyche throughout life.

After all, many men do not know how to behave in critical situations and go to extremes. Some uncontrollably splash out their emotions, thereby only worsening the situation. Others, due to their tightness and uncertainty, keep everything to themselves. And even being right, they are unable to defend their point of view. This not only harms life’s ambitions and success, but also has an extremely negative impact on health. After all, suppressed aggression can result in serious illness.

How a man should behave in a conflict situation - 6 rules

#1 Keep your body under control. The main thing is to stop the uncontrolled release of adrenaline, which starts to shake you and provokes you into rash actions. If you have problems with this, you need to work on this issue. How to do it? Surprisingly, only by gaining experience in conflict situations. At a certain stage, making them familiar to yourself. To do this, you don’t have to go out into the street and run into the first healthy forehead you come across. For example, you may have a job for which conflict situations may be the norm. You don't have to look far for an example. Logistics. A transport forwarder acts as an intermediary between the customer and the carrier. All emergency situations fall on the shoulders of the forwarder. And, believe me, there are a lot of them. You have to learn to talk to different people in different emotional states. As you gain experience, you will behave much better in critical situations. This is just one example, of which there can be many.

#2 Don't get emotional, act logically. Instead of yelling at a person (even if he is wrong), you should concentrate on WHAT and HOW you say. You can express your thoughts briefly, clearly and convincingly. If your opponent is wrong, it will be difficult for him to oppose anything other than his loud voice and emotions against your logically understandable and convincing arguments.

#3 Neutralize the “sing along”. In some situations, your opponent will be joined by “yes-ying” accomplices. As a rule, these are the so-called “sixes” who can be easily shut up and move on to constructive communication with your main opponent. This is done quite simply. You can, for example, tell the person simply not to interfere in your conversation with the conflicting party, since he or she is not directly related to the conflict.

#4 Maintain an even emotional state until your opponent “deflates”. For most people, acting under strong emotions, and accordingly, adrenaline, moral strength runs out very quickly. This especially affects women. I have noticed more than once how even for the most inveterate brawler, after a while a conditional “switch” goes off, and she is simply cut off. We're running out of strength. She gives up and may even cry. This happens very unexpectedly. This applies to a lesser extent to men. If you control yourself and maintain the most calm and confident state for a given situation, in a very short time you will find yourself in a clear win.

#5 Try to maintain an internally neutral attitude towards the enemy. After all, it is quite possible that after some time he will admit that he was wrong, repent and apologize to you. If you kept a cool head, it will be easier for you to make peace. This is especially useful in work relationships.

#6 It may be the other way around. You realize that you yourself were wrong. And here an important quality is to admit your mistake and apologize. There's nothing wrong with that. On the contrary, a person will understand that you have intelligence, reason and willpower. You are objective in relation to yourself, so you can conduct further communication and business with you if it concerns work.

How to behave in a conflict situation with a stranger?

A conflict situation may occur with random person, for example, on the street. In this case the best option will move away from the conflict zone as quickly as possible. In other words, leave. There's no point in proving anything to a stranger, with whom nothing connects you. Even if he tries to insult you. Just leave, that's all. After all, the opinion of one person is not the universal truth. And it doesn't apply to you. For example, he called you a fool. But you know that you are not a fool. And what is the point of proving this to some “leftist”, possibly mentally ill person? It makes no sense.

Be ready for anything

Conflict situations- an integral part of the life of any person. This is neither good nor bad. That's why important quality will be able to live through such moments with minimal moral (and in some situations, physical) losses. If necessary, smooth them out or avoid them altogether, if possible. Of course, life experience decides everything here. If you happen to step out of your comfort zone again, keep the above tips in mind and put them into practice. This way you will become more confident and people will take you more seriously. Good luck!

“Argue with a person smarter than you: he will defeat you, but you can benefit from your very defeat. Argue with a person of equal intelligence: whoever wins, you will at least experience the pleasure of fighting. Argue with a person of the weakest mind: argue not out of a desire to win, but you can be useful to him.”
Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev

“Two people fight, don’t interfere with the third one,” says an old proverb. But what to do when these two are your subordinates, and you are the leader? What to do and how to behave when the responsibility for resolving a conflict situation falls on your shoulders, and you simply cannot stand by?

Yes, every leader has found himself in a situation where a quarrel arises in the team, a dispute that threatens to develop into a conflict. Even the most harmless things at first glance can cause Negative consequences: a careless word, distorted or incomplete information, an inappropriate joke, a careless act. Sometimes the cause of a conflict may be a new appointment, order, praise of one of the employees, a change in job responsibilities. Whatever the cause of the conflict in the team, the manager should not stand aside, leaving the employees themselves to sort it out. The manager needs to quickly and competently resolve the situation. But first you need the right attitude.

First of all, there is no need to be afraid of conflicts. Conflict is an integral part of the internal life of a team, and it is impossible to avoid it, because If at least 2 people work in an organization, then 2 opinions are possible on the same issue, which can lead to disagreements. Of course, conflict in itself is unpleasant, but it has not only negative consequences, as many are accustomed to think. SHAW George Bernard said: “People only tell us interesting things when we contradict them.” Any conflict can be approached constructively, that is, one can and should benefit from it. Of course, an ideal working atmosphere, happy and efficient employees are the dreams of any manager. But if we look at the situation differently, we will see that it is difficulties that force us to develop and change in better side, stimulate us to conquer new heights. And since, as we have found out, conflicts are inevitable in any organization, you need to learn some subtleties of behavior in conflict that will help any leader to always be on top.

Rules of conduct in conflict.

First, you need to remain calm. Even if there is “smoke like a rocker” all around and “pieces of wood are flying through the back streets,” the leader must be calm and reasonable, this helps to better cope with the situation and choose the right decision. Emotions are a bad advisor in this case. The reputation that a leader earns every day through hard work can either be strengthened or destroyed in a moment in a conflict. If the manager calmly and with dignity accepts responsibility for resolving the issue that has arisen, then next time the employees will definitely turn to him for help as the supreme judge, without bringing the matter to conflict. And vice versa, if a leader gives free rein to his emotions, shouts, threatens, then he is unlikely to have many supporters, and such a fact will have a very negative impact on his reputation, because a leader must always be on top.

Secondly, you need to remain neutral. Conflict implies a clash between two parties who have opposite perceptions of the cause of this very conflict. By supporting one of the parties, the manager risks significantly expanding the boundaries of the conflict, shaking his authority and even losing employees. You should not prematurely assess what is happening until you have fully clarified the situation. There is no need to look for someone to blame or who started it first. Let's think about what goal the conflicting parties and the leader are pursuing in this case. Employees want to defend their point of view, and the manager needs a favorable climate in the team and friendly and satisfied employees. This means we need to find a solution that will help everyone achieve their goal.

Thirdly, the search for a compromise solution. So, the leader must find a solution that would satisfy both parties, to a greater or lesser extent. To do this, he needs to find out what goals the parties are pursuing in this matter. The leader must be objective and, when making decisions, act in the interests of the company and the team, leaving personal sympathies aside. It is worth noting that in some companies, conflict resolution occurs in favor of the employee who has worked longer, brought more benefit, etc., that is, for “past merits.” At the same time, the leaders do not pay attention to the fact that these merits have nothing to do with the brewing conflict. Such decisions may lead to dissatisfaction large number employees and, as a result, an even larger conflict.

Fourthly, there is no need to organize public proceedings. There are always so-called instigators whose views on the situation do not coincide, and what led to the conflict. As you know, the instigators very quickly acquire active supporters and simply sympathizers, who can subsequently quarrel with each other, entangling the conflict with increasingly complicated facts and details. No matter how many people are involved in the conflict, there is no need to publicly sort things out with the instigators, thereby not giving a reason for its further spread. It is necessary to talk with each of them privately and listen carefully to both points of view.

And finally, there is a lesson to be learned. To prevent similar situations from happening again in the future, the manager needs to take action. Depending on the current situation, precedent, the manager will take certain actions to prevent such conflicts in the organization (issue decrees, orders, change job descriptions, change the algorithm of interaction between departments, etc.). But we should not forget that not a single measure will work if the manager does not place the necessary emphasis in time. In any organization the most valuable resource- these are the people who work in it. Therefore, it is simply necessary to convey to employees the core values ​​and corporate norms of the company. The more often a manager communicates with employees, the more opportunities he has to control the situation and resolve disagreements before they develop into a conflict.

Conflicts periodically arise in the life of every person: with the boss at work, with colleagues, with relatives, and simply with a difficult person on the street. Any conflict situation “unsettles” us, and in a state of stress we often behave inappropriately and only later - “on a sober head” - do we regret the words or actions spoken in anger.

But in order to find your bearings in time in the midst of a conflict and, through the veil of emotions, still remember how to behave, we recommend that you remember the following rules.

How to behave when provoked into conflict: the ABC of a peacemaker

When a conflict arises with a difficult person, first of all you need to soberly and objectively assess the situation: what is the reason for the quarrel, and what became the true cause of the conflict - these are often different things.

For example, if a conflict arises with a colleague at work, the opponent may have a hidden grudge against you (due to additional work responsibilities, an unfair bonus, etc.), which will become the real cause of the conflict. In this case, every little thing can be the reason for an emotional “explosion”: a bad joke, a window slightly open in cool weather, or a working air conditioner.

In addition, the foundation of a conflict situation is often envy, jealousy and internal irritation, which at every opportunity “result” in a quarrel.

Much less often, a conflict with a difficult person arises solely due to the opponent’s bad character: for a certain category of people, a dispute that breaks out is just a way to humiliate another and demonstrate to him one’s own superiority.

In any case, at the beginning of the conflict, you need to determine for yourself who is “on the other side of the barricades”:

• - a verbose opponent who does not give in to a showdown is usually confident in himself;
• - only an insecure person who stubbornly refuses to look at the situation objectively and take into account the interests of his opponent will evade the conflict and hide his goals (which indicates his internal weakness);
• - "say the last word“only a primitive debater strives, who in his stubbornness does not seek the truth and the benefit of the matter;
• - and it is hardly worth expecting a diplomatic resolution of a conflict situation from an unbalanced person - a person for whom aggression, insults and even fighting are the norm.

So, in any conflict situation, the same simple postulate “the best treatment for a disease is prevention” applies. In order to create harmonious relationships in a team, it is worth making every effort to avoid conflict altogether and extinguish the flaring scandal “in the bud.”

In practice, you can adhere to the classic “three E” scheme:

That is, you should not prove anything to your opponent during a conflict, defend your point of view and support further “hot discussion”.

If you are provoked into a conflict, it is best to simply “step aside”: for example, firmly but politely invite your interlocutor to return to this conversation a little later, when “passions have subsided”, refer to being busy and “bow”, or calmly listen to your opponent and promise to think about it his words.

After this, you should take a break and calm down - drink coffee, do your current work or chat with friends. In a couple of hours - when the mind has cooled down and emotions have subsided, you need to objectively assess the current situation: determine the real reason conflict, behavior strategy and optimal solution to the problem.

After some time, you can return to the “hot topic” and offer your interlocutor a compromise (if there is still a need for it).

How to behave with dignity during a conflict?

If you still cannot avoid a dispute, then your main task during the conflict is to maintain external and internal calm and completely control your own emotions.

Indeed, when provoked into conflict, it is quite difficult to act rationally and not succumb to emotions. However, even a moment of weakness can cost you your reputation, and will make you bitterly regret what you did.

At such a moment, you can remember the well-known story, when a hysterical lady at the peak of a scandal screams, stamps her feet and throws cups. From the outside, such behavior looks extremely unpleasant, doesn’t it? And try not to allow similar incidents on your part: your voice, facial expressions, gestures, speed of speech - everything should remain under strict control.

No matter how your opponent behaves during a conflict, your communication with him should not go beyond the bounds of decency, and any actions must be guided by logic and common sense.

At the same time, there are a number of strict prohibitions, the violation of which is unacceptable in any conflict situation. So, you can't:

• - resort to harsh criticism of the opposite side;
• - be sure in advance of the bad intentions of your opponents;
• - look down on the enemy;
• - abdicate all responsibility and blame another person for everything;
• - completely ignore the interests of the other party to the conflict;
• - look at the situation only from your position;
• - underestimate the affairs of partners;
• - elevate your own importance;
• - allow yourself to get irritated and swear;
• - manipulate painful topics;
• - stoop to primitive claims to opponents.

In order not to escalate the situation, it is worth allowing the person to speak out, showing maximum patience and tact. This is the only way to relieve tension and move on to the stage constructive solution question. At the same time, all claims made must be well substantiated.

Sometimes, in order to defuse the situation, you can resort to non-standard techniques: for example, telling a joke at the right time or making a sincere compliment.

Legislation can also be used as a foundation for exiting a conflict situation. practical experience other participants or the opinion of a person who has earned the trust of both parties. A respectful attitude towards the enemy, when the assessment of actions does not affect the individual himself, will also help to achieve positive results. Even a partner overwhelmed by emotions will notice this. What, if not clarifying the opponent’s point of view and emphasizing attention to him, can reduce the degree of tension and aggression? And under no circumstances should you respond to abuse with abuse. Calmness, confidence and a controlled tone will always be most effective.

Having realized that you were wrong, do not hesitate to apologize sincerely: this is not weakness at all, but proof of emotional maturity and intelligence. And regardless of the outcome of the conflict, you should not burn bridges, because in any conflict situation a compromise can be found.