IN modern world not knowing the rules of etiquette means spitting against the wind, putting yourself in an uncomfortable position. Unfortunately, many perceive adherence to certain norms and rules of communication as something shameful, considering it a sign of highbrow aesthetes who are completely far from real life. However, these people forget that rude and insensitive behavior can cause the same reaction in return.

In fact, the basics of etiquette are quite simple. This is a culture of speech, basic politeness, a neat appearance and the ability to manage one’s emotions. Both apply to both men and women.

If you say the phrase: “I invite you” - this means you pay. Another formulation: “Let’s go to a restaurant,” - in this case, everyone pays for themselves, and only if the man himself offers to pay for the woman, can she agree.
Never don't come visit without calling. If you are visited without warning, you can afford to wear a robe and curlers. One British lady said that when uninvited guests she always puts on shoes, a hat and takes an umbrella. If a person is pleasant to her, she will exclaim: “Oh, how lucky, I just came!” If it’s unpleasant: “Oh, what a pity, I have to leave.”
You shouldn't ask a girl out on a date through and, even more so, to communicate with her like that.
Do not place your smartphone on a table in public places. By doing this, you show how important a role your communication device plays in your life and how much you are not interested in the annoying chatter going on around you. At any moment you are ready to leave useless conversations and once again check your Instagram feed, answer an important call or get distracted to find out what fifteen new levels have been released in Angry Birds.
Man never doesn't carry a woman's bag. And he takes a woman’s coat only to carry it to the locker room.
Shoes should always be clean.
If you are walking with someone and your companion greets you with a person, should say hello and you.
Many people believe that you can only eat with chopsticks. However, this is not entirely correct. Unlike women, men can eat sushi with their hands.
Don't make idle chatter on the phone. If you need an intimate conversation, it is better to meet with a friend face to face.
If you are insulted, you should not respond with similar rudeness, and, moreover, raise your voice at the person who insulted you. Don't get down to his level. Smile and politely move away from the ill-mannered interlocutor.
On the street the man should walk to the left of the lady. Only military personnel can walk on the right and must be ready to perform a military salute.
Drivers must remember that in cold blood splashing passers-by with mud is a blatant lack of culture.
A woman may not take off her hat and gloves indoors, but not a hat and mittens.
Nine things you should keep secret: age, wealth, a gap in the house, prayer, composition of a medicine, love affair, gift, honor and dishonor.
When you come to the cinema, theater, or concert, you should go to your seats only facing those sitting. The man goes first.
A man always enters a restaurant first, the main reason is that based on this indicator, the head waiter has the right to draw conclusions about who is the initiator of coming to the establishment and who will pay. If a large company arrives, the person who invited you to the restaurant enters first and pays. But if a doorman meets visitors at the entrance, the man must let the woman through first. Then he finds empty seats.
Never you should not touch a woman without her desire, take her hand, touch her during a conversation, push her or take her by the arm above the elbow, except when you are helping her get on or off a vehicle, or cross the street.
If someone calls you impolitely (for example: "Hey, you!"), you should not respond to this call. However, there is no need to lecture or educate others during a short meeting. It is better to teach a lesson in etiquette by example.
Golden Rule when using perfume - moderation. If in the evening you smell your perfume, know that everyone else has already suffocated.
A well-mannered man will never allow himself to fail to show his due. respect for a woman.
In the presence of a woman, a man smokes only with her permission.
Whoever you are - a director, an academician, an elderly woman or a schoolboy - when entering the room, say hello first.
Maintain confidentiality of correspondence. Parents should not read letters intended for their children. Spouses should do the same towards each other. Anyone who rummages through the pockets of loved ones in search of notes or letters is acting extremely rudely.
Don't try to keep up with fashion. It's better to look not fashionable, but good, than bad.
If after an apology you are forgiven, you should not return to the offensive issue and ask for forgiveness again, just don't repeat these mistakes.
Laughing too loudly, chatting noisily, staring staring at people is offensive.
Don't forget to thank your loved ones people, relatives and friends. Their good deeds and the willingness to offer one’s help is not an obligation, but an expression of feelings worthy of gratitude.

I am very sensitive to the rules of good manners. How to pass a plate. Don't shout from one room to another. Do not open a closed door without knocking. Let the lady go first. The purpose of all these countless simple rules- make life better. We cannot live in a state of chronic war with our parents - this is stupid. I take great care of my manners. This is not some kind of abstraction. This is a language of mutual respect that everyone understands.
American actor Jack Nicholson

“Nothing comes cheap or is valued as much as politeness.”
Cervantes

HOW TO BEHAVIOR IN SOCIETY?

It is a well-known fact that a person is not able to be alone for a long time. Therefore, in order to once and for all forget about what lies behind the word “loneliness”, people simply must learn to communicate correctly with each other.

Not every person is lucky enough to receive a good upbringing in childhood and learn the rules of behavior that are instilled in the family and continue to be supplemented and improved in the future. kindergarten, at school, and throughout life. The rules of behavior accepted in society will help you communicate with people at ease and be a pleasant conversationalist.

Men and women have different life functions and, therefore, different rules of behavior in society. It is generally accepted that a man should be a breadwinner and protector, that is, resourceful and courageous. Women are physically weaker, they are the custodians of the home and need protection. Based on this, the rules of conduct for men and women are appropriate.

However, there are rules that are equally fair for both men and women, so we will look at them today. So what should a polite person be like?

ETIQUETTE - WHAT IS IT?

In order to learn to be a polite person, it will take a lot of effort, perseverance and a lot of work on yourself, and the first thing you need to do is give an objective assessment of your behavior on this moment. An outside perspective is very helpful in such a situation. This will help you understand and analyze all your mistakes, existing bad habits, wrong actions committed and your behavior in general. After which you can safely start “working on mistakes.”

Etiquette is universal human moral standards, a set of rules of behavior in society: addresses, greetings, manners, clothing. Manners are forms of human behavior. The essence of etiquette is respect for other people.

Once upon a time, the rules of good manners in communication or the rules of etiquette were one of the subjects educational program At school. Children were taught this science and strictly controlled how well they learned it; tutors were responsible for raising children. Currently there are no tutors or corresponding subjects in school curriculum, and the need for teaching basic politeness is still high.

Let's try to figure out what the rules of good manners are and let's strictly follow them.

RULE ONE - COURTESY

One of the basic rules of good manners in everyday life, Everyday life is courtesy in relationships, the ability to greet people without unnecessary demonstrations, the ability to congratulate you on a holiday, express sympathy or wish you good health, as well as the ability to thank you for the service provided to you.

In addition, the concept of courtesy presupposes that the person entering lets the person leaving, who, in turn, holds the door if necessary; the man walking next to the girl always lets her go ahead, with the exception of going down the stairs, exiting the elevator and public transport.

Despite the fact that some prim manners have long since become obsolete, for example, closing the car door behind a girl before getting behind the wheel, it still doesn’t hurt to help ladies get out of the car.

RULE TWO - FORM OF APPLICATION

Correctly addressing another person, whether familiar or not, is an important part of the rules of behavior. Thus, the rules of behavior accepted in society state that you can only address children under 18 years of age, close friends and relatives. All other strangers, even if they are younger than you or your peers, should only be addressed as “you.”

In addition, it is customary to switch to “you” when strangers and call a relative or friend by name and patronymic, including when it is inappropriate to demonstrate familiar or family relationships in society. The transition from “you” to “you” should be appropriate and tactful; as a rule, it is initiated by a woman, a person senior in age or position.

If absent people are mentioned in a conversation, you cannot talk about them in the third person - “they” or “she”, even if they are close relatives, you must call them by name or by name and patronymic.

There are three types of address that are used in different situations:

official - citizen, sir, madam, and the titles and titles of the represented people are also used;
informal - by name, using “you”, brother, dear friend, girlfriend;
impersonal - used in cases where you need to address to a stranger. In these cases, the phrases “sorry”, “excuse me”, “excuse me”, “tell me”, and so on are used.

It is unacceptable to address a person by gender, occupation or age: woman, man, plumber, salesman, child, etc.

RULE THREE - KEEP YOUR DISTANCE

The rules of human behavior in society require maintaining the correct distance between interlocutors. There are the following generally accepted distances in communication:

public distance – when communicating with large groups of people, is more than 3.5 meters;
social distance – when communicating between strangers, between people with different social statuses, at receptions, banquets, etc. from 3.6 to 1.2 meters;
personal or personal distance – for everyday communication between familiar people, ranges from 1.2 to 0.5 meters;
intimate or sensory distance – for communication between very close people, entry into this zone is allowed only to a select few, it is less than 0.5 meters.

At the same time, it is important that each of the interlocutors always has the opportunity to freely exit the conversation; holding a person’s hand or the lapel of a jacket, or blocking the passage during a conversation is considered unacceptable.

In addition, it is important to choose suitable topics for conversation; they should be interesting and pleasant to both interlocutors and should not affect personal matters. It is considered unacceptable to interrupt the interlocutor, correct his speech or make comments. It is also indecent to watch and stare at your interlocutor for a long time, especially if he is eating.

I bring to your attention a video about the rules of human behavior in society:

BE COMMUNICATE!

A tactful and polite person is a welcome guest in any society. A modest and self-possessed person is able to win over others, can conduct a free conversation, and complies with the principles of morality and ethics.

We will talk about how to behave in society, how to establish communication with society and your environment in the most natural and respectful way possible in the next article on the site.

Rules of tact

Ease and tact are the main qualities of a pleasant and ethical person. Such people are not inclined to insult others, will never put their interlocutor in an awkward position, or offend with a negative statement. In addition, tactful and educated people:

do not interfere in the affairs of others without a third-party request;
do not diminish the dignity of those around them;
do not interrupt the interlocutor when he is speaking;
are distinguished by delicacy, balance, and complaisance;
thanks to being well-read and educated, they can constructively support any conversation;
stand out from their environment with their speech, manners, and behavior;
arouse interest and sympathy in the social circle.

What to pay attention to in order to express yourself with the best side so that behavior in society does not cause rejection and irritation among others?

1. Correct speech

It is recommended to speak calmly, measuredly and not too loudly. The more calmly a person expresses his thoughts, the more importance society attaches to them. Speech control is the main rule of behavior in society.

There should be a pause between your speeches. Interrupting your interlocutor is extremely unethical and rude. It is better if in a conversation you take the position of a listener rather than a speaker. Listening is an art that is valued in any society.

2. Politeness and respect

A polite person is distinguished by the abundance of “magic” words in his speech. Such words could be “Thank you”, “Please”, “Sorry”, etc.

Excessive familiarity, addressing everyone as “YOU” is extremely undesirable for building respectful and polite communication. Successful behavior in society implies respect for the interlocutor, his problems and difficulties. Even having a high social status(you are the boss), you cannot show disdain for people.

Any touching of the opponent during a conversation is undesirable. Don't jerk the person, slap them, or poke your finger.

Similarly, talking “with your mouth full” looks ugly and unethical. Even if you are having lunch, put food aside while you talk. People who constantly chew and swallow something do not arouse sympathy among their interlocutors.

3. Acceptable topics for conversation

When communicating with unfamiliar people, it is better to avoid any sensitive, controversial, or personal topics. Delicate points are good to discuss only with best friends, but not in society.

It is especially not recommended to insist on the conversation or your point of view when the interlocutor avoids communication in every possible way, tries to change the subject, or gets distracted. In this case, an obvious lack of interest can be a disservice to you. And any attempts to show off your intelligence, to amaze with your intellect, will negatively affect your relationships with people.

4. Mood

Competent behavior in society implies that people do not show their hostility, negative attitude, or bad mood. If you are torn by irritability and indignation, overwhelmed by worries and problems, it is better to remove yourself from society, being left alone. In a conversation, all the above qualities will have to be hidden.

If you find yourself in social environment at your own request, please show joy, greeting, goodwill and tact.

People don't like overly noisy people. Anecdotes and funny stories are also good in moderation; they should not offend or hint at other people. It’s better to hold off on witticisms and teasing here. If you are perceived as a buffoon, then there is no question of seriousness and respect.

Try not to tell people bad news so that your personality is less associated with problems, difficulties, and troubles.

Social behavior when visiting

First, make sure that your visit is not unexpected. Warn people that you are going to visit them. Unexpected guests put hosts in an awkward position, but it’s even worse if you’re literally asking for a visit. It’s especially annoying when guests not only show up unexpectedly, but bring with them a bunch of problems and worries, try to get something from the hosts, and ask for help.

Secondly, carefully choose the time for visiting. If you adhere to the rules of behavior in society, then it is not recommended to go on a visit earlier than 12 noon and later than 20 pm. Overstaying at a party is another one bad habit. And if the owner himself does not ask you to stay, does not need your company, it is better to overcome your desire and leave.

Thirdly, the owners of the house (especially on weekends) have a lot of household concerns - their own worries, affairs and problems. In this case, your visit only distracts people, takes up their time, and turns into a painful procedure. Obsessive and problematic people are never favored in society.

Punctuality is another quality of a tactful person. If your visit is scheduled for certain hours, try not to be late or arrive early. Meet the allocated hours for guests.

Avoid bringing strangers with you. If you phoned people and were invited to visit, do not lead anyone along with you. Even if your friend or girlfriend knows the owners of the house well, it is better not to take them with you or to warn the owners in advance.

You are not allowed to enter the room where you have been invited wearing a hat and carrying a cigarette. Likewise, people who are intoxicated are unsympathetic. Be tactful and take care of the receiving party's problems. Any nuances that may be unpleasant to people are unacceptable.

A good guest always comes upon invitation, not empty-handed, leaves on time, and does not burden the hosts with his problems and worries. Behavior V society implies constant monitoring of facial expressions, gestures and actions of the interlocutor. If you see the slightest evidence of loss of interest in your person, it is better to leave immediately.

Make sure that it is always easy, pleasant and comfortable in your company, and people will definitely notice your talents and, perhaps, you will be able to get not only pleasant feelings from communication, but also real benefits, for example, in the form of a promotion up the career ladder. It pays to be tactful and polite!

etiquette, norms of behavior, human interaction, competent socio-cultural space

Annotation:

One of the basic principles of life in a modern secular society is maintaining normal relationships between people and striving to avoid conflicts. In turn, respect and attention can only be earned by maintaining politeness and restraint. But in life you often have to deal with rudeness, harshness, and disrespect for another person. The reason for this is that very often the basics of etiquette culture are ignored, which is part of the general secular culture, the foundations of which are attention and respect for others.

Article text:

Throughout his life, a person is in a sociocultural space where rules of behavior play one of the main roles. These rules are called etiquette.

Etiquette (French - etiquette) is a set of rules of behavior accepted in society, establishing the order of secular behavior, which allows people, without much effort, to use ready-made forms of decent behavior and generally accepted politeness for cultural communication among themselves at various levels of the structure of society, in light, while in the process of communication it is worthy to take into account the interests of others in one’s behavior.

The word etiquette itself has been used since Louis XIV, at the receptions of which guests were given cards listing the rules of conduct required of them. These cards are “labels” and give the etiquette its name. In French this word has two meanings: a label and a set of rules, a conventional order of behavior.

Understanding etiquette as a system of established mutual expectations, approved “models” and rules of social communication between people, it should be recognized, however, that real standards of behavior and ideas about “how one should act” change significantly over time. What was previously considered indecent may become generally accepted, and vice versa. Behavior that is unacceptable in one place and under some circumstances may be appropriate in another place and under other circumstances.

Of course, different nations make their own amendments and additions to etiquette, due to the specifics historical development of your culture. Therefore, etiquette also reflects a specific system of national signs-symbols of communication, positive traditions, customs, rites, and rituals that correspond to the historically determined conditions of life and the moral and aesthetic needs of people.

It is not possible to consider all aspects of etiquette, since etiquette passes through all spheres of a person’s public and personal life. In turn, we will focus on its most important norms such as tact, politeness, and sensitivity. Let's touch on such a concept as “inequality”. Let's analyze the levels of behavior, internal and external culture of a person. Let's highlight the rules of telephone communication. The last position was not chosen by chance, since the telephone currently occupies a leading place in communication, sometimes replacing interpersonal and sometimes even intergroup communication.

In this regard, one of the most necessary norms and foundations of etiquette is politeness, which is manifested in many specific rules of behavior: in greeting, in addressing a person, in the ability to remember his name and patronymic, important dates his life. True politeness is certainly benevolent, since it is one of the manifestations of sincere, disinterested benevolence towards the people with whom one has to communicate.

Other important human qualities on which the rules of etiquette are based are tact and sensitivity. They imply attention, deep respect for those with whom we communicate, the desire and ability to understand them, to feel what can give them pleasure, joy, or, conversely, cause irritation, annoyance, and resentment. Tactfulness and sensitivity are manifested in a sense of proportion that should be observed in conversation, in personal and work relationships, in the ability to sense the boundary beyond which words and actions can cause a person undeserved offense, grief, and pain.

In addition to the basic principles of etiquette: politeness, tact, modesty, there are also general rules secular behavior. These include, for example, the “inequality” of people in the field of etiquette, expressed, in particular, in the form of advantages that have:

women before men,
elders before younger ones,
the sick before the healthy,
boss before subordinates.

The norms of etiquette - in contrast to the norms of morality - are conditional; they have the character of an unwritten agreement about what is generally accepted in people's behavior and what is not. The conventions of etiquette in each specific case can be explained. Aimed at uniting people, it offers generally accepted forms, stereotypes of behavior, symbols of the manifestation of thoughts and feelings that make it easier for people to understand each other.

At the same time, etiquette can also be considered as an aesthetic form of manifestation of moral, secular culture, since it is at the same time directly related to morality, to the moral character of a person and to the aesthetic aspects of his behavior. Beautiful manners, beautiful behavior, beautiful gestures, poses, facial expressions, smile, look, i.e. what speaks about a person, his feelings and thoughts without words; speech addressed to elders, peers, younger ones at meeting and farewell, in anger and joy; the manner of moving, eating, wearing clothes and jewelry, celebrating sad and joyful events, receiving guests - to all these types of communication a person must give not only a moral, but also an aesthetic character.

In any case, etiquette is an integral fragmentary part of the structure of the sociocultural matrix and represents a significant part of modern secular behavior, although, of course, not all human behavior in general. In fact, it implies only generally accepted rules and manners of human behavior in society in designated places, where one can observe the external side of the actions of individuals, in which they manifest themselves like a peculiar, pre-learned game of the intellect.

Based on the current lifestyle modern man, his social connections and activities, it is not difficult to list all those conventions of secular behavior that are initially associated with generally accepted etiquette and determine its corresponding ethical and aesthetic norms. All of them must be studied and repeated, and be well known to all citizens of the country. These norms apply to almost all aspects of life and everyday life, as well as areas social activities a person, determining his behavior in the family, at a party, at school, at work, in public places, on the roads, when he is a pedestrian and when he is a driver, in hotels, in parks, on the beach, on an airplane, at the airport, in a public toilet , etc. and so on.

It should be borne in mind that in most public places, citizens only need a simple knowledge of good manners and the ability to behave with restraint, culture and politeness, without attracting the attention of other people and thereby not interfering with their presence in your company.

At the same time, there are also such public places, where knowledge of etiquette alone is not enough for citizens. There, to one degree or another, other basic fragments of the sociocultural matrix that we discussed above (ethical, aesthetic, civil, value, environmental, etc.) must be used, as well as the ability to feel the system of balancing interests and, above all, have the ability to take into account the interests of others , put them above your own.

For this purpose, more serious norms and laws of behavior are applied, arising from the rights, responsibilities and interests of citizens, civil servants, and entrepreneurs. Without knowledge of the relevant fragments of the sociocultural matrix, individuals cannot be named, status certified or admitted to the corresponding cells of social activity or government positions. And the higher the social place of an individual’s activity in the structure of social relations, the greater the demands, in addition to knowledge of etiquette, should be placed on his behavior, the more his behavior should be determined by the responsibilities of this individual to other members of society, society in understanding their specific interests, the interests of society as a whole – national interests.

Based on this, it can be argued that the culture of human behavior consists of two parts: internal and external.

Internal culture is the knowledge, skills, feelings and abilities that underlie the fundamental fragments of a person’s individual sociocultural matrix, acquired through his upbringing, education, development of consciousness and intellect, vocational training, signs of good results of which should be his virtue, knowledge of the interests of others, hard work and high morality.

External culture is a lifestyle and behavior that manifests itself in everyday life and in social activities during direct contacts and communication with other people and objects. environment. External culture, as a rule, is a direct product of a person’s internal culture and is closely related to it, although there are some nuances.

Thus, individual manifestations of external culture may not reflect the internal culture of an individual or even contradict it. This happens in cases of painful manifestations of the psyche, as well as in cases of behavioral “mimicry”, when an ill-mannered individual tries to pass himself off as a well-bred one. However, with longer observation of him, these contradictions are easily detected. Therefore, a truly cultured and efficient person can only be such thanks to his diligent upbringing. And, on the contrary, external manifestations of an individual’s bad manners indicate his inner emptiness, which means immorality, a complete lack of elementary internal culture.

External culture is not always completely dependent on internal culture and sometimes for some time can hide the lack of the latter. Good knowledge of the rules of etiquette and their observance can mitigate the lack of high internal culture, developed consciousness and intelligence, although not for long.

External culture is called differently: culture of behavior, etiquette, good manners, rules of good manners, good manners, culture... This suggests that, depending on the specific task, people focus on one aspect of external culture: most often either on knowledge of the rules of behavior and their observance or on the degree of taste, tact, skill in mastering external culture.

External culture consists of two “parts”: that which comes from the elements of public sociocultural matrices (various instructions, regulations, generally accepted rules, decency, etiquette) and that which comes from the education and enlightenment of a secular person (manners, delicacy, tact, taste , sense of humor, conscientiousness, etc.).

There are rules of behavior of different levels and contents:
1) the level of universal rules adopted in modern secular society, incl. among well-bred people - the intelligentsia;
2) the level of national rules or rules adopted in a given country;
3) the level of rules adopted in a given area (village, city, region);
4) the level of rules adopted in one or another non-secular social stratum (among ordinary people, among adherents of one or another religious denomination or sect, among corrupt high-ranking officials, among the elite, among oligarchs and other individuals with extremely high incomes, etc. .).
5) the level of secular rules adopted in a particular professional community or public organization (medical workers, lawyers, police officers, military men, among actors, civil servants, members of one party or another...)
6) the level of secular rules adopted in a particular institution (educational, medical, government, commercial...)

Speaking about the external manifestations of ethical or aesthetic fragments of the sociocultural matrix of individuals, it should be noted that here, too, one can observe a wide variety of types of behavior: delicacy and rudeness, and good and bad manners, and good and bad taste.

In situations where a person does not know certain rules of behavior accepted in a given society, but he has certain upbringing skills and knowledge of the basics of etiquette, he can to some extent compensate for his ignorance with instinct, intuition, based on innate or acquired delicacy, tact, taste.

There are very complex relationships between rules and internal regulators of behavior. They are opposites - internal and external, typical and individual, although at the same time they can “work” in the same direction. Normal relationships between people are generally a delicate matter that easily breaks if people treat each other rudely, especially now in an age of constant stress and increased mental stress.

The ability to listen to your interlocutor is an indispensable requirement of speech etiquette. This, of course, does not mean that you need to sit silently. But it is tactless to interrupt another. When talking together, you also need to be able to listen. It happens that you have to remain silent when you feel that your words can inflame passions. You should not start a heated argument in defense of your opinion. Such arguments spoil the mood of those present.

If a person wants to improve, to be better, to be worthy of love, kindness, wants to be respected, then he must take care of himself, his words and actions, cleanse himself, and not give himself peace in this. After all, it is known that good manners is an external expression of the inner delicacy of the soul, which consists in general benevolence and attention to all people.

Politeness does not necessarily mean truly treating a person with respect, just as rudeness does not necessarily mean truly treating a person with disrespect. A person can be rude due to the fact that he moved in a rude environment and did not see other patterns of behavior.

Thus, politeness is a moral quality that characterizes the behavior of a person for whom respect for people has become an everyday norm of behavior and a habitual way of treating others.

An important aspect of etiquette is the concept of good manners, which requires study and practice; it must, so to speak, become second nature to us. True, much that is called good form and refined taste is innate delicacy, and therefore the statement is true that a person can assimilate and learn everything, but not delicacy. But delicacy is not everything, and innate taste requires improvement. Good examples and our own efforts contribute to this.

In addition, in etiquette there is such a thing as decency. This is the least noticeable of all etiquette concepts, but the most revered.

So, only those who embarrass the least number of people have good manners. After all, every person, as a rule, lives in society, i.e. among other people. Therefore, his every action, every desire, every statement is reflected on these people. For this reason, there must be a boundary between what he wants to say or do, and what is possible, what will be pleasant or unpleasant to others. In this regard, he needs to make a self-assessment every time to see if any of his statements or actions will cause harm, or cause inconvenience or trouble. Every time he must act in such a way that the people around him feel good.

The basics of etiquette, known to everyone since childhood, are three magic words: please, thank you, excuse me (sorry).

Every request must be accompanied by the word “please”.

For any service or help you need to thank, say “thank you.”

For any trouble caused to another, you need to apologize or ask for forgiveness.

These magic words you need to learn to speak without thinking, automatically. The absence of these words in appropriate situations or their non-automatic, unnatural use means either impoliteness, rudeness, or an announcement and demonstration of hostility.

There are no “little things” in etiquette; more precisely, it all consists of “little things” strung on a single core of politeness and attention to people. Etiquette begins with a certain order and rules of greetings, addresses, introductions and acquaintances.

Considering the “inequality” in etiquette, it should be borne in mind that the young are obliged to greet the elders first, those entering - those present, those who are late - those waiting, etc. On official receptions First of all, the hostess and host are greeted, after them the ladies, first the older ones, then the younger ones, then the older and senior men, and then the rest of the guests. The lady of the house must shake hands with all invited guests.

It should be remembered that the handshake that is customary here and in the West when meeting and introducing a man and a woman in Muslim countries is completely inappropriate: Islam does not accept even simple contact between people of different sexes who are not related by blood. It is not customary for the peoples of Southeast Asia to shake hands either.

Demeanor is of great importance when greeting. You should look directly at the person you are greeting with a smile. When addressing a stranger, unfamiliar person or official, you should always say “You”. The form of address “you” expresses a closer relationship with a person. When addressed as “you,” many formalities that indicate an external, detached form of politeness disappear.

Dating etiquette rules are no less complex. The first step to making connections is introduction. When introducing yourself or introducing someone, you usually give your last name, first name, patronymic, and sometimes your position or title. If you are visiting an institution for business or personal reasons or executive, then before starting a business conversation, you should introduce yourself and, if available, hand over your “business card.” An introduction is also necessary if you are addressing a stranger on any issue.

An integral attribute of modern etiquette is the ethics of telephone conversations. Its most important points include the following:
1) You should always introduce yourself when you call if you are unfamiliar or unfamiliar with the recipient or if you rarely call this recipient. It should also be taken into account that telephone communication may be poor, i.e. your voice is barely audible or distorted, and therefore even a good friend may not immediately understand who he is talking to.
2) You should almost always ask whether a person is busy or not and how much time he has for a telephone conversation. The behavior of a caller who immediately begins to conduct this conversation without the necessary clarification of the boundaries of the conversation is unceremonious.
3) If you get a call and you are very busy and cannot talk, then, as a rule, the burden of calling back is not on the person who called, but on you. There may be two exceptions here:
- if the caller does not have a telephone;
- if for some reason it is difficult to call the person who called you. It is impolite to force the caller to call you back again because you are busy. When you do this, you involuntarily make it clear that you value and respect him less than yourself.
4) When they call on the phone and ask not you, but another person, it is impolite to ask “who is this?” or “Who’s speaking?” Firstly, it is indecent to answer a question with a question. Secondly, with your question you can put the one asking in an awkward position. The questioner is not always inclined to introduce himself to a stranger who picks up the phone. His right is to remain incognito to outsiders. Asking “who speaks?” willingly or unwillingly “gets into the soul” of the caller. On the other hand, asking “who is speaking?” voluntarily or involuntarily, it “gets into the soul” of the person who is being called directly, since the addressee may also want to keep the secret of his relationship with the caller. (Parents sometimes do this in their desire to control every step of their adult children, thereby limiting their right to personal life. Excessive control and excessive guardianship on the part of parents lead to the fact that adult children either remain infantile, dependent, or are alienated from their parents.) In If the addressee is absent, you need to ask not “who is speaking?”, but “what should I convey to the addressee?”
5) In a telephone conversation, business or telegraphic style should prevail, with rare exceptions. Talking around the bush is inappropriate. If possible, you should immediately formulate the questions for which you are calling, and do not hesitate to ask the interlocutor about the same if he is “carried away” by the conversation on unrelated topics. You need to tactfully ask your interlocutor to move on to the subject of the telephone conversation, without rudely interrupting his speech. In principle, non-business conversations on the phone are also acceptable, but only after it becomes clear that both parties have the desire and time to conduct such conversations.
6) It must be borne in mind that telephone communication is not as complete as face-to-face communication. Therefore, the requirements for conversation in general are more stringent, i.e. you need to behave more carefully, prudently. A word spoken over the phone and a word spoken face to face can be evaluated differently and even in opposite ways.

In a telephone conversation, you need to speak less emotionally, joke more carefully, and try to avoid harsh words and expressions.

Two more etiquette concepts that cannot be ignored are commitment and precision. An unobligatory person is very inconvenient for others, although he can be nice, courteous, etc. You cannot rely on such a person, you cannot count on him. Let him not be offended if they stop respecting him and avoid communicating with him. “Precision is the courtesy of kings,” says the saying. He is not a king who is not obligated, who behaves carelessly in relation to his own obligation.

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All people are individual. Their differences are due to a number of factors, the most significant of which are ethnicity, nationality, external data, character, thinking, worldview, goals, habits, interests, etc. Even among the seven billion population of the Earth, there are no two absolutely identical people.

But, despite this, all people have one thing in common - their full life is possible only within a social unit. It is society that is the most comfortable living environment for a person, regardless of personal factors.

general concepts

Norms of human behavior in society are a rather multifaceted concept that reflects the forms of interaction of an individual with the world around him.

A person as a social unit must be guided by the rules and customs established in a particular society. Each specific situation has its own set of rules, which, however, are not fixed. Thus, actions that are acceptable in one society are categorically unacceptable in another. On the other hand, social norms of individual behavior can change depending on the situation and time.

For example, imagine that you met with old friends with whom you have been friends for many years. You can allow yourself to be free, to wear what you think is necessary, not to be shy about expressions containing profanity, cheeky gestures and bad habits. Friends are used to you and perceive all your actions as the norm. Now imagine that you come to work for a large corporation and plan to achieve considerable career success here. Your image, actions and gestures in this situation will be radically different from the previous situation: your appearance corresponds to the dress code, your speech takes on a business-like tone, bad habits are veiled as much as possible. But a year or two later you go with your employees to a long-planned corporate party. In this situation, you can allow yourself to show a part of your true self. After all, despite the fact that the composition of society has not changed, the situation has changed, and too restrained behavior may be perceived by others as distrust or hostility on your part.

If norms of behavior can be mobile, then the fundamental principles that determine behavioral manners and outlook on life must have clearer boundaries.

Components of social norms

Lifestyle and behavior are dictated by a combination of external and internal factors, which were influenced by both the surrounding society and the person himself.
The system of behavioral norms includes the following concepts:

1. Social norms- indicate the necessary model of behavior in a particular society.

2. Habits- this is a set of personal behavioral models for a particular situation, consolidated as a result of repeated repetition.

There are positive, neutral and bad habits. Positive habits are perceived with approval by society (greeting when meeting, using polite words), neutral habits often do not cause any reactions (drinking tea without sugar, keeping a diary), bad habits indicate bad manners and characterize a person from a negative side (smoking, slurping, talking with a mouth full, loud belching).

3. Manners- forms of behavior based on habits. They characterize a person’s upbringing and his belonging to a certain social stratum. Well-mannered man knows how to dress elegantly, knows how to clearly formulate his thoughts and express them in a form understandable to the interlocutor.

4. Etiquette- a set of norms of behavior (politeness, tact, tolerance), relevant for the highest social strata.

5. Social values- this is the standard of ideas approved by the majority of social units: goodness, justice, patriotism.

6. Principles- these are especially important and unshakable beliefs that a person creates for himself. These are a kind of boundaries set for self-control. For example, for one person, family is the highest value, and he will never allow himself to be betrayed. For another, fidelity is not included in the list of principles; he can repeat betrayal repeatedly without remorse.

Religion as a lever for controlling human behavior

Despite the achievements of science, progressive thinking and modern views in life, religion still remains one of the important factors in shaping the norms of individual behavior.

The priority importance of religion for a person is due to several factors:

1.Help from above. Sooner or later, every person encounters troubles that become a real test for his will. Bankruptcy, loss of property, divorce, serious illness or death of a loved one... It is in such situations that people most often remember the presence of an invisible force in the sky. Their faith may be fickle, but at such moments they need someone to whom they can shift some of the responsibility, from whom they can expect help, even if illusory.

2. Setting up principles. It is religion that often becomes a dogmatic guide pointing to behavior. The Bible's commandments are against murder, robbery, and adultery, and some people take these principles personally.

3. Search for the meaning of life. Another reason for turning to religion is the search for answers to eternal questions.

Behavior patterns

Every action performed by a person is determined by a corresponding motive, which, in turn, dictates the order of reproducible actions.

All actions are divided into two categories:

1. Automatic- these are actions that are based on innate and acquired reflexes and skills that do not require mental awareness and are performed inertia. These include the ability to chew, breathe, walk upright, read, and speak their native language.

2. Conscious- it's more complex actions or a combination of them, requiring the use of human intellectual capabilities. This model of behavior is based on the choice of one or another pattern of actions in an unfamiliar situation.

For example, you are angry with a person and want to express your indignation to him, insult and humiliate him. But you understand that your desire is temporary and is connected not only with this person, but also with your bad mood and general failures. If you succumb to aggression, you will most likely lose contact with the person forever. It is consciousness that decides what to do in this situation, evaluating all the pros and cons. In addition, the predominance of the logical or emotional component in the character plays an important role.

Youth behavior

Youth is the perspective of the nation. Therefore, it is very important how exactly the younger generation will be raised.

The norms of human behavior in society call on young people to:

Be active participants in society;
- set before yourself life goals and strive to achieve them;
- diversify your personality;
- exercise;
- get a decent education;
- lead healthy image life without smoking and drinking alcohol;
- do not use profanity and rude expressions in conversation;
- treat the older generation with respect;
- create a value system for yourself and stick to it;
- know and follow the rules of etiquette.

But in the modern world, the behavior of young people in society often differs from established norms and is deviant in nature.

Thus, some young people aged 14 to 20 believe that smoking and drinking alcohol is fashionable, and attending lectures at the institute is an activity for cramming. They prefer discos to books, are rude in their statements and have promiscuous sex.

This behavior is most often formed under the influence of the company and requires immediate intervention from parents.

Interaction of youth with the older generation

The problem of interaction between different generations will always be relevant. on which one age group was brought up, by the time another grows up, it partially loses its relevance. Consequently, misunderstandings and disagreements arise.

Among the main causes of conflicts are incompatibility of interests, different amoral behavior one of the parties, lack of communication culture, struggle for superiority, unwillingness to give in.

Nevertheless, the values and norms of behavior instilled in us from childhood say that the younger generation should yield to their elders in any situation, even if such a decision seems unfair. In addition, it is necessary to adhere to a certain pattern of behavior. When communicating, you need to use a respectful form of address - “you”, and also avoid slang. Ridiculing and making fun of elders is not allowed. And refusal to help is considered bad manners.

Standards of conduct between spouses

To build a stable house, you need to lay a solid foundation and build the walls brick by brick. So in family relationships- love is the foundation, behavior is the building blocks.

Married life is not only about joyful moments, it is also about disappointment, irritation and resentment. In order to get through all the unpleasant moments with dignity and maintain the integrity of the marriage, you need to follow a few simple rules:

Treat your partner as an equal;
- appreciate his personal qualities;
- support in any endeavors and do not ridicule failures;
- discuss important points and make decisions together;
- do not resort to insults and insults;
- do not allow yourself to be assaulted;
- be faithful to your spouse.

Business Etiquette

If the general norms of human behavior in society can vary depending on the situation, then business etiquette is a set of behavioral models that have the most defined edge.

There are 5 rules of etiquette in the business world:

1. Punctuality. Arrive at all important meetings on time, this will show that you are organized.

2. Competence. Be knowledgeable about what you're talking about. Sometimes it is better to remain silent than to give false information.

3. Speech. Learn to speak competently and clearly. Even the most successful idea, presented in clumsy and uncertain language, is doomed to failure.

4. Appearance speaks about your taste and status, so in your wardrobe, in addition to jeans and T-shirts, you must have a suit for an important meeting.

5. Interaction. Listen to the opinions of others and do not trust your idea to the first person you meet.

Compliance with these rules is very important, as it reflects the level of professionalism and seriousness of the approach to the matter.

Deviant behavior: deviation from the norm

Rules and norms of human behavior cannot always be expressed according to regulated standards. Some behavior patterns may deviate significantly from the norm. This manner is defined as deviant. She can have both positive features, and negative.

A striking example of opposite deviants are terrorists and national heroes. The actions of both of them deviate from the behavior of the “average masses”, but are perceived by society differently.

Thus, general norms of behavior can be placed on one axis, and deviant deviations at different poles.

Forms of abnormal behavior in society

Norms of human behavior in society, expressed as deviant, have four distinct forms:

Crime. IN last years this figure increased by 17%. In many ways, crime is due to the transition to market relations and high level competition, unemployment and low standard of living, as well as psychological disorders. In addition, corruption in the legal and judicial-executive sectors is of no small importance, which allows, if you have enough wealth, to avoid responsibility for violating the law.
Alcoholism. Alcohol is an integral part of holiday feasts and ordinary friendly meetings. It is consumed to celebrate something, relieve pain, or simply relieve stress. People are accustomed to the fact that alcohol has become a part of their lives, and are not aware of its harmful effects on the individual and on society as a whole. According to statistics, 70% of crimes are committed while intoxicated, and drunk drivers are to blame for more than 20% of fatal accidents.

Addiction. Dependence on a psychotropic substance, which depletes the body and leads to its degradation. Unfortunately, despite the official ban narcotic drugs, every tenth teenager has tried one or more types of drugs.
Suicide. Suicide is the deliberate desire to take one's own life because of problems that seem insoluble. According to world statistics, suicide is most common in highly developed countries, where there is high competition both in the business sphere and on the personal front. Age group Those most at risk are teenagers from 14 to 18 years old and people of retirement age.

Sanctions for non-compliance

Rules and norms of behavior are regulated by approved state laws and unspoken rules of society.

Sanctions for deviant behavior vary depending on the severity of the violation.

For example, murder or robbery falls under the article of violation of the criminal code, therefore, is punishable by imprisonment. Provocation or fight are administrative violations. As a punishment for the misdemeanor, the violator will be asked to pay a fine or perform civil work. Violations associated with habits (not washing dishes, not cutting nails, being late for work) important meeting, lied), will cause social disapproval and further ignorance or contempt.