Faced with rudeness, you always want to answer the offender. In a fit of anger, we often have no control over our feelings and emotions. This can cause a number of negative consequences. The simplest outcome is a quarrel, and the most negative is a fight. But, you must admit, to suffer yourself and humiliate yourself to assault just because your interlocutor is in a bad mood is at least stupid.

The most correct thing in such a situation is to answer the offender calmly and confidently, but in such a way as to put the boor in his place. To do this tactfully, without spending extra effort and energy, there are special preparations - daring phrases.

Who is a boor?

It is an aggressor who attacks and violates your personal boundaries. He tries to hurt the most sore spots and at the same time avoid revenge. Scientific evidence indicates that such a person is, in fact, a miserable person with low self-esteem, who wants to assert himself at the expense of those offended or ridiculed by him. Here's what you need to know when faced with a boor. Understand and forgive, or even feel sorry for an insignificant person or answer with a witty phrase, smiling good-naturedly (not sarcastically!).

Examples of situations where anger cannot be contained

A decent-looking person who is a boor can today be found at every step. Often the most common places of its deployment are the following:

1. Trading platforms. The favorite place of a bored, angry person is, of course, a market or a supermarket. In some cases, a pharmacy is popular. Firstly, you can go there as an excursion and be indignant enough, studying the prices on the counters. Secondly, jostling in a crowd is also a nice thing for them. And all this, of course, is accompanied by unpleasant comments about passers-by. By the way, shop sellers also like to be rude.

2. Public transport. The favorite place of all boors is the crowd. And where else can you enjoy the disturbances as in the rush hour traffic rush? There you pushed, here - you. And as a result, for example, we have a hotly screaming woman who throws out her anger on everyone who tries to argue with her. And God forbid you surpass her in this honed skill.

3. Polyclinic. A state institution, where it is absolutely necessary to stand in line, also knows daring people. It may be an impudent person who will try to skip the line. But then he will receive a solid verbal thrashing from people waiting in line, among whom boors can also hide.

4. Places of study. Adolescence is famous for the "painful" growing up of children. How is it shown? Daring phrases addressed to teachers, wrangling in the classroom at school, lyceums. Teenagers cannot give an objective assessment of what is happening. It seems to them that they already know everything, and adults are a little behind them. Unfortunately, rudeness and impudent phrases in the lessons of high school students are quite an ordinary circumstance. The teacher can put the student in his place, gaining authority in his eyes, or not pay attention to what will "outgrow" by itself.

Daring phrases and expressions: examples

  • And it is true that we are all interested in speculating on topics that do not concern us at all.
  • You should not expect good from a person who is difficult to cheer.
  • I know that crooks are successful, but not because of their own mind, as they believe, but because of the gullible people around. And to lie, you just don't need a mind. Working honestly is a skill.
  • I'm terribly embarrassed to tell you this, but I'm not at all interested in how I look in your eyes, forgive me. I look great in mine, and that's enough.

  • What is the level of development, such are the interests.
  • You are so low in communication that, to be honest, you are not even visible on the horizon.
  • Please continue. When you say things like that, I feel so smart.
  • Sorry, but you can hear a bad amber from your mouth.
  • And can I bring you another drum?
  • With such tirades, just stand in the corner.
  • If you are angry, then you yourself know that you are wrong.
  • In this case, your emotions are not identified with the conclusions of your thinking.
  • If you don't like me, I give you permission to go underground.

Daring phrases for girls

If a girl does not want to communicate with a guy, but cannot get rid of his annoyance, or, on the contrary, is struggling with his rudeness, perhaps she should use some phrases.

For example:

  • Your time in my life is over. Hand over the pass and exit.
  • If you love me it is your mistake, all you can achieve is my smile.
  • Dear, you are right - there have never been people like you, there is no more and there is no need.
  • I know what I have to do, it is spelled out in the Constitution. The rest - as I want.
  • I'm doing fine, so there is nothing to please you.
  • Didn't you star in the movie "Clowns"?
  • I'm not picky, just the best is enough for me.

What about the guys?

Not only girls suffer from annoying boors. Let's take a look at cocky phrases for guys. They can use these statements in response to the rudeness of their peers:

  • You are not beautiful enough to be rude to me.
  • If you say that, then most likely you have a spare jaw in your pocket.
  • Give me a running kiss, I'm standing behind a tree.
  • Maybe you are the most beautiful girl in our area, but I'm also interested in communicating with smart ones.

So the first foundation has been laid. Now you know how you can respond to rudeness. But in no case do not fend off these statements in front of an innocent person. And then you will be in the role of a boor.

01. Any similarity between you and the person is purely coincidental! 02. Are you always that stupid, or is today a special occasion? 03. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 04. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your appearance? 05. There is at least one positive thing in your body. It's not as scary as your face! 06. The brain is not everything. And in your case, he is nothing! 07. Careful, don't let your brain get into your head! 08. I like you. They say I have a disgusting taste, but I love you 09. Have your parents ever asked you to run away from home? 10. If I had a face like yours. I would sue my parents! 11. Don't be upset. Many people also lack talent! 12. Do not be offended, but do you have a job to spread ignorance? 13. Keep talking, someday you will still be able to say something clever! 14. Do you still love nature despite what she has done to you? 15. I don’t think so, maybe you have a sprain! 16. Fellows like you do not grow on trees, they hesitate there. 17. He has a mechanical mind. This is bad for him, he often forgets to turn his back to the wind. 18. His mind is like a steel trap that always slams when trying to find the answer! 19. You are a man of the earth, it’s bad that you’re not the best part of it. 20. He wondered if this was something new. 21. When it finally gets dark, you will surely look your best! 22. You're just a wonder comedian. If it's funny, it's a miracle! 23. In Who's Who, you should be looked for as What Is This? You are living proof that a person can live without brains! It is so short that when it rains, it is always the last to know about it. 26. You're just a template for building an idiot. 27. Why are you here? I thought the zoo was closing for the night! 28. How did you get here? Did someone leave the cage open? 29. Don't try to find anything in your head, it's empty. 30. I think you wouldn't want to feel the way you look! 31. Hey! I am human! What are you? 32. I cannot speak to you right now, tell me where you will be in 10? 33 years. I don't want you to turn the other cheek, it's just ugly. 34. I don’t know who you are, but it would be better if you weren’t there, I’m sure everyone will agree with me. 35. I don't know what makes you stupid, but it does work. 36. I can kick the monkey out of you, but it will be very expensive for you! 37. I can’t remember your name and please don’t help me with this! 38. I don't even like the people you are trying to copy. 39. I know you were born stupid, but why are you having a relapse? 40. I know you made yourself. It's good that you admit your guilt! 41. I know you are not as stupid as you look. This is impossible! 42. I saw people like you, but then I had to pay for the ticket! 43. Why are you such a fool today? Although I think this is typical for you.

All of us from time to time have to deal with rudeness, insults and rudeness. And those of us who do not know how to properly respond to insults have to endure resentment, get angry and accumulate depression. Many, not knowing how to adequately respond to an insult with their thoughtless words, actions and actions, provoke serious conflicts and, disregarding common sense, enter into "internecine wars."

It so happens that a person, not knowing how to respond to an insult, uses his fists, sometimes even in cases where the situation does not require even the slightest reaction. The inability to respond to the offender with a word, the inability to find the right words in order to put the bully in place is the cause of bad mood, stress, health problems, suicide, fights and even murder. Say, I am over-dramatizing the situation? But it really is!

In order to learn how to respond to insults, it is not enough just to memorize beautiful phrases and expressions, you need to understand what an insult is, what are its motives in each particular case, learn to react (it's not about what to answer, but about the psychological reaction to rudeness, humiliation and criticism), and of course it is wise, dignified and beautiful to respond to these barbs.

So what is an insult? Insult is a deliberate insult, humiliation of a person's honor and dignity, often expressed in a rude and indecent form. In addition, verbally, the insult can be done in writing or in the form of actions (obscene gesture, push, spit, slap, etc.), openly or in the absence of a person.

Insult is always a negative assessment given to the behavior and qualities of a person, in a form that contradicts socially accepted rules of conduct, morality and ethics. In most countries, insult is a crime for which, according to the idea, an inevitable punishment should always follow (in Russia, after Article 130 of the Criminal Code has expired, insult is an administrative offense, and liability for it is provided for by Article 5.61 of the Administrative Code). However, in this article we will omit the moment of such a reaction as protection of honor and dignity in court, and will try to figure out how to react and respond to insults on our own.

Today there are many different psychological tricks that can help to adequately respond to an insult. However, each of them is based on an initial understanding of the intentions and goals of the offender, inflicting "poisonous injections." Therefore, in order to competently fend off an insult and put an oversized interlocutor in place, you first need to realize the opponent's hidden motives and take care of the antidote.

How to respond to insults and accusations

You were accidentally or deliberately scolded. For the cause? Is it hurt? Remember that any feeling or emotion, including insult (resentment combined with a feeling of intense humiliation) arises inside a person. Therefore, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended.

First of all, you should not take the insult literally and take every word personally. If your abuser is in a bad mood or poorly mannered, this does not mean that you are to blame.

For a person, in order to learn how to properly respond to insults, it is important to know that the one who splashes saliva and behaves inappropriately, scattering abuse on the right and left, is himself a victim. A victim of his eccentric nature. Usually, people who attack and humiliate others are weak. They are unable to cope with negative emotions and therefore throw them out on others. As a rule, they were also offended by someone, and they are unable to cope with the bitterness that overwhelms them, they thus “drain” it (often people insult and rude out of envy). So does it make sense to be offended by toadstool?

How to respond to insult if your loved one is the abuser? If you value relationships, then it is worth talking and dotting the "Y". Calmly and openly tell him that his words hurt you deeply (namely, the words of loved ones hurt us most deeply, even when we seem to have learned to calmly respond to insults from strangers, unfamiliar or just acquaintances). Discuss the situation and you will feel better.

The most preferable reaction to insults from a stranger is ignorance. Just do not notice the rude person (of course, if the situation does not require the opposite behavior), imagine that he is not there, and the opinion and words of a stranger are an empty phrase. If you are not from the category of people who want everyone to like it, then it will be easy for you.

If you are offended by a work colleague or boss, remember that careful avoidance of conflict will always be more beneficial. The words of a colleague, who still cannot calm down and to whom your silence does not work, can be answered with some kind of neutral taunt. And jokes with the boss are bad. Therefore, it is better to listen to the opinion of psychologists, who advise in this situation not to conflict and not respond to insults, but to present your leader as a capricious little child who whines and fights all the time. After mentally stroking the head, calm him down. Feed with semolina and place on the pot. Those who have tried this method say the effect is amazing. Not only does it make you smile and endure offensive statements with ease, but it also gives you inner strength that your boss will definitely notice.

Workout calm reaction to insults will bring you exclusively dividends, namely positive mood, increased efficiency, steadfastness and poise. Having learned to respond to aggressive attacks with serene calmness (it can be expressed both in words and deeds, and in silence), you can always disarm the offender and make him think about whether it is worth behaving this way with you.

How to respond correctly to an insult, given the type of criticism

Before responding to an insult, quickly analyze what was said, and if this is more like constructive criticism (the insult, in fact, has nothing to do with who we are), immediately admit that you are wrong, start with 'Yes': Yes, you are absolutely right. " If you are in doubt about the reasons for the attacks and do not know how to respond to a barb and remark addressed to you, ask a clarifying question. For example, if the matter does not concern your real omissions or mistakes, and the angry tirade uttered by your opponent is intended to belittle and offend you, then the phrase - "Do you have a specific proposal?", Will confuse him. An adequate person, even in the case of a harsh statement, will justify his opinion and offer other options.

If you agree, albeit with unpleasant, but fair criticism, do not apologize unnecessarily. Just admit, constantly apologetic people look not self-confident.

If the insult or accusation is true only in part, admit it in part. For example, they tell you that you are always late (this hardly sounds like an insult, but if it is said in a rude and aggressive form, and even in public, someone may consider it as such). A decent answer would be something like, "Yes, I'm late today." Or here's another example: "You are an illiterate specialist and constantly make mistakes in spelling." A worthy response to an insult would be the phrase: “Yes, there are two spelling errors in this report».

A completely unfair insult can be answered with a counter-question, asked in essence of rudeness. They can be of several types:

  • Clarifying questions such as: "Why do you think so?", "What exactly do you mean?", "Why are you personally interested in this?" etc., rarely, but give results. If a person begins to answer them, he will imperceptibly drive himself into a dead end. However, you should not count on this (although you can try), after clarifying questions, the offending person, as a rule, does not calm down (he also uses an unfair type of criticism, without justifying his rudeness) and answers something like: "Don't you guess yourself?" or "I mean, you are a bum and a bum." It is worth to be patient, of course, if you want to respond to the insult culturally, and continue to calmly ask further.
  • Factual questions are a call to voice the facts and give examples: “Names, appearances, passwords?”, “Please name the facts,” “Give an example,” etc. If your denigrator answers these questions with general phrases: "There are many examples and facts ...", "You yourself understand everything very well ..." you actually have nothing to say.
  • Alternative questions will help the offender formulate specific complaints and say what he is really unhappy with: “Maybe you are not satisfied with my non-punctuality or how I dress and look? Maybe you don't like how I communicate with customers or how I make reports? " Here, perhaps, you will hear a specific answer, if, of course, your opponent really has something to show you. If there is, then proceed according to the above scheme.
  • Devastating questions: “You are not happy with the way I report, the way I look, the way I communicate. What else does not suit you in me? ”Are asked so that your critic or the person offending you speaks out everything and does not touch you as long as possible.

Leading questions that you ask in a calm tone are likely to cause the critic to be amazed and even outraged. This is normal and means that he feels your advantage in this situation. He is used to being justified in front of him or obediently keeping silent, and you kindly try to figure everything out and take into account specific and objective comments as soon as they are voiced.

How to respond to insults: general rules

The first thing that needs to be learned by a person who does not know how can you respond to an insult- this is that in no case should one stoop to mutual insulting accusations and thoughtless reactions. Firstly, from the outside it looks very stupid and funny. Secondly, maybe you succumb to some manipulative influence... So why start playing by someone else's rules, with the possibility of being caught in cleverly placed nets.

In most cases, it is better to respond to insults not only politely and culturally, but at least calmly and with dignity. In some situations (for example, in the case of trolling), the best answer is to completely ignore the offender.

If you are by nature a calm and well-mannered person, then culturally respond to insult it is quite difficult for a born boor and more often than not it is meaningless. You are obviously a loser because you start playing on someone else's site and according to someone else's rules. You must stay in your field. If you can calmly and reasonably answer, then answer, but another problem is that for the boor, the receptors that perceive your arguments do not work. Therefore, it is best to turn around and leave. This is the easiest way to respond to an insult.

Often responding to criticism, people make a mistake - they begin to make excuses: no, I am not like that, you are unfair to me, I am not to blame ... Excuses put you in a position of humiliation - this is, first of all. Secondly, they are not interesting and unnecessary, as a rule, they are not even listened to. Agree, it is foolish to make excuses to a person for whom to say some taunt or offend - a desire to play on emotions, a way of self-affirmation (in this situation, you can ask - "Well, did you assert yourself at my expense?") Or a desire to stand out. Therefore, when listening to insults, always try to understand why they want to insult you.

Everyone has difficult days, and maybe a rude remark escaped the lips of your interlocutor by accident. In this case, the question is "Bad day?" will be sufficient. A normal person will agree and apologize for the harshness. However, asking such a question to a "troll" is not the best way to respond to an insult, as it can cause a stream of hard-hitting expressions from him in your direction.

Sometimes it is not necessary to respond to an insult; it is enough to simply non-aggressively or even amiably ask a person about what he said. Pretend that you didn’t hear or, in thought, simply didn’t pay attention to his statement. Only a frank hamlo will repeat the insult.

If you still decide to answer the offender, and it does not matter if the situation requires it or you just wanted it, you should not rush to the opponent with objections directly. Be cool, stifle accusations and insults with well-aimed and witty answers, but only after fully listening to all the attacks addressed to you. Firstly, you will have time to think and find a sharp word, and secondly, you will be able to moderate your ardor and maintain a sobriety of thought. And if this is a situation where your abuser acts on emotions (that is, this is not a planned and thoroughly thought-out attack), you can give him the opportunity to discredit himself to the fullest.

Some attacks can be answered with humor. When the insult seems to be not an insult at all, but rather a harmless mockery, or when it is necessary to respond and defuse the situation without spoiling the relationship, the joke is quite appropriate. This technique has one more plus. He will save you from further insults and attacks from a person who takes pleasure in seeing his victim, experiencing anger or some other negative emotions. After all, if you react to his attacks with a smile, therefore, you don’t care, and you don’t even think to be angry, offended or swearing. Humor will calm the brute, introducing him into a stupor. And he's like energetic vampire will go in search of a new victim.

Do not joke if the insults are serious, offending your honor and dignity. Otherwise, both the offender and those around him will decide that they can safely "wipe their feet" about you.

How to learn to respond to insults and not provoke new ones

It will help you to get out of any verbal duel as a winner and put in the place of an oversized interlocutor the ability to quickly formulate thoughts... In order to learn how to respond to insults wittily and, most importantly, on time, do not hesitate to arrange comic duels with acquaintances, friends or work colleagues. Remember that in each fight you gain the necessary experience and skill.

There are people who are rude more often than others. There is such a concept - the psychology of the victim. Sacrificial people who are easy to offend (he has such an appearance, he behaves like that, it is clear from him that he will not be able to respond to the insult) - will always find his boor. Here you need to ask yourself: “Why do people talk to me like that? Maybe the problem is in me if it is repeated periodically? "

Often people are not able to somehow respond to an insult because of their own insecurity, low self-esteem or natural shyness. Hearing unpleasant words addressed to them, they, overwhelmed by fear, cannot utter a word. This requires an integrated approach - having started the fight against these qualities, constantly practice the ability to correctly respond to insults. And remember, the reaction to rudeness and boorish behavior should come from the depth of inner steadfastness.

In addition, fear transmitted through some absolutely unthinkable channels can spur the offender into more and more rudeness. So in any conflict situation, including responding to insults, you must, first of all, curb your fear. We are so arranged that, not knowing how to protect ourselves from insult, we involuntarily begin to breathe deeper, strain our eyes, clench our fists or cross our legs and arms. Try to monitor your emotions in such situations, and consciously control your external manifestations.

How to intelligently respond to an insult: examples, situations, phrases

While insulting, people often use boilerplate expressions. So to know how to correctly respond to an insult, you can make a list of frequently observed rudeness and come up with adequate answers to them.

To make it more clear to you in which direction to move, I suggest you familiarize yourself with the typical insults and possible options for a decent reaction. Perhaps my answers were not original enough, I'm sure you can think of better.

If an ill-wisher with a fake note in his voice notices that because of yesterday's feast you look bad, thank him for his indifference, and in turn take care of the offender's appearance: “Strange, you seem to have sat at home all evening yesterday. , but you still look crumpled. Look at the bruises under your eyes. " Well, or say that you forgot to look in the mirror as you were in a hurry to get to work, and then, casting a cursory glance at the impudent person, add joyfully: "Oh, I see, you don't like looking in the mirror either."

You can respond to an insult by translating the negative qualities that are attributed to you into virtues. - "You are verbose and chatty." - "Just me sociable person».

If you are insulted and accused, you can remind the person of the expression: "We are what we think about" or the well-known saying "Whoever hurts, he talks about that", well, or say "Do not judge by yourself." The point is this: often we suspect others of what we are capable of ourselves, and we need to explain to the person that with his insults he characterizes himself rather than you.

You can turn the reproach in the opposite direction and ask the aggressor how he managed to achieve such outstanding results, master skills that you do not possess, acquire such wonderful character traits (this can be done in a sarcastic or serious form):

  • - "You are crooked!" - "How do you manage to keep your hands straight?"
  • - "You first day at work, and have already shown themselves as worthless clumsy. " - “Share your experience. How do you manage to stay cool in stressful situations? "

How to intelligently respond to an insult about your clothes:

  • - "Do you dress in the Chinese market?" “It doesn't matter what I'm wearing, on my figure even beggarly rags will look like a chic dress.

If the offender, wanting to belittle the value of the work you have done, says that you used bad means in your work, the wrong tools or methods, you can say that, despite the originality of the means used in the work, it was made beyond praise and the result speaks for itself. myself.

Try respond intelligently to an insult that sounded in your address in a bar, restaurant or store is not worth it (unless only in order to hone your skills with sharp and quick attacks). The correct response would be to call the administrator or ask for a complaint book. Several such complaints and a boorish employee will be fired.

If you have to listen to insults from a certain official, then you just need to very politely ask him to tell you his position, as well as his full name. Those who use this technique to cool the ardor of a negligent employee know that it works great. It feels like a tub of cold water was poured on him at that moment.

You can respond to an insult like a luminous Buddha - a radiant smile and wish the offender all the best. Of course, such a reaction is not always appropriate and not suitable for everyone, because each case of insult is individual and people are different, so there can be no universal answers. Choose the tactics that work best for you. Try it, experiment, but do it wisely.

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Arthur is a smart, thoughtful and loved graduate student, so he was stunned and crushed when one of the professors answered a question asked by him at the seminar, telling Arthur that he was a complete idiot.

“I blushed,” said Arthur. “And, perhaps, for the first time in my life, not only could I not utter a word, and not even a single coherent thought arose in my head. I felt like my brain had completely shut off. "

Teresa, a nurse, had a similar reaction when the head nurse in her department yelled at her for a minor mistake on the time sheet.

“I couldn't deny that I was wrong,” Teresa said, “but it was about my time, not about the patient. I didn't hurt anyone, but she screamed at me like I was the dumbest, worst idiot in the world. I didn’t answer her. All I could do was just stand rooted to the spot. I just kept telling myself that in no case should I cry. That was all I could think of. But, of course, I burst into tears, and this made me even more angry with myself. "

Research shows that shame and guilt, while sometimes linked, are actually very different emotions.

Feelings of guilt, or admitting something wrong, can lead to positive changes in a person's behavior.

Shame is a way to suppress and repress a person, and it has been proven that shame, humiliation, and emotional and physical abuse are often closely related.

People who describe feelings of humiliation report feeling destroyed, helpless, confused, paralyzed, and full of anger. Sometimes it seemed to them that this feeling was akin to if they were suddenly drastically reduced in size or struck right in the heart. They felt a rush of heat and wanted to disappear. It doesn't matter how many years have passed since the event, but these experiences remain vivid and vivid in the mind for a long time.

A common reaction to humiliation is the desire to disappear, sink into the ground, or disappear into thin air. And often, when we are humiliated, we lose all ability to act.

If this has ever happened to you, you are familiar with this feeling. Maybe you have sometimes wondered what you might have done at that moment or later to protect yourself.

Get rid of the shame and pain of humiliation

Here are 7 tips based on your psychotherapeutic experience and understanding of the dynamics of shame, as well as the results of the latest research on the topic.

1. Take the time to formulate your answer.

It is not so easy, especially when your brain is seized with terror and all you want is to disappear. But if you get your brain to work, you can find a way to respond appropriately.

You don't need to apologize, take the blame, or counterattack - all of which can backfire in the moment.

Just take a hit.

2. Don't take humiliation too personally.

For starters, take a break from yourself and try to reflect on what made the person say such demeaning things to you at the moment.

Look at your abuser, even with your mouth open if necessary. He may try to humiliate you even more, but this reaction, more than any words you can think of, will show you how overwhelmed you are that this person allows you to behave this way.

Sometimes the person who humiliates you does it on purpose, and seeing your reaction, he may be horrified and immediately apologize, although he will not always allow you to witness his confusion (perhaps because now he himself feels ashamed!).

If you believe your boss didn't want to humiliate you in front of the entire team, a direct question is the best solution.

You may ask, "Can you give me five minutes?" and then, when meeting him face to face, say something like, “I know you didn't want this, but when you criticized me in front of the whole team, I was very upset. Yes, I am ready to hear your criticism. You have a clear and correct view of many things. But I would be very grateful if you criticized me face to face. "

You can get a sincere apology, but no one, including your boss, likes to be told what he did wrong, so expect to hear a chuckle or even another criticism in return. Take it easy. If your boss really didn't want to humiliate you, your opinion will be heard.

But if the person wanted to embarrass or shame you, no matter what you did wrong, you don't deserve humiliation.

Of course, take responsibility for the mistakes you make, but don't admit that making a mistake means that you are an unworthy person who should be ashamed of yourself or be humiliated by others.

When someone tries to make you feel humiliated, it is usually because they are in trouble, not because you did something terrible.

3. Try to get out of the situation.

Neurologists say that we have about 20 minutes to change the direction of a conversation when it gets emotional. After this time, you and your interlocutor will be blocked within the boundaries of the negative model, and you will be able to switch only after completing the interaction.

So don't get hung up on achieving your goal in a raised conversation. Distance yourself. You can say, "I'm not really ready to discuss this with you right now," or "I'm sorry you are reacting this way, we'll talk later."

4. Try to understand the motives of the other person.

Once you cut off a conversation that could end up badly for you, you have time to think about what's going on. Understanding does not mean forgiveness, feeling sorry, or having to be nice to someone who has offended you.

It is simply a tool to help you become aware of the shady behaviors of those around you. This is useful not to take their actions to heart - and as a way to make sure that it is with them and not you.

Perhaps they are angry because you shame them in any way? It may be something that you are not even aware of, but as you focus, you will remember that you recently said and did something. This seemed insignificant to you, but somehow it really hurt them. So now they pay you the same coin, even if you didn't do it on purpose.

Another possibility is that your abuser feels threatened by his power - and by trying to hurt you, he is asserting his power. Sometimes this intention is closely related to a specific person - when the aggressor reacts to what you said or did not say, did or did not do.

But more often this is due to the general feeling of powerlessness or helplessness that the aggressor experiences.

Abusers often feel unattractive and / or powerless (not always realizing this), and therefore have to “prove” their strength by targeting vulnerable victims.

5. Realize that you are not alone.

It is unlikely that someone will be able to live life without ever experiencing humiliation.

Talk to other people who have experienced the same thing as you.

Also, if a person has abused and humiliated you, they almost certainly have done so with others. As soon as one victim claims to have been mistreated, others also admit it.

Confessions help you not take humiliation personally by realizing that you are the victim, not the cause of the problem.

6. Be careful in retaliation.

Humiliation is a mixture of anger and shame, so retaliation may seem like a good way to restore self-esteem.

But the danger is that someone who humiliates others in order to feel more powerful is more likely to react even more violently and strike back.

But refusing immediate retaliation does not mean that you are weak.

Strength can lie in the willingness to fight and stand up for others in a similar situation. But do not criticize yourself if you are not ready to openly confront the aggressor.

You may not always react to humiliation immediately, but it is in your power not to allow the aggressor to influence your future life, which will become a form of a kind of revenge. You are not who they want you to be, and you are not who they see you.

You have strengths and are able to live a fulfilling life without them - does it mean breaking off a relationship or quitting a job, changing a leader, or simply having nothing to do with a particular person.

Arthur was lucky. The professor who humiliated him turned out to be a good person, and when he saw Arthur's reaction, he immediately apologized to the entire audience. But this is not always the case.

The head nurse who humiliated Teresa was known for lashing out at everyone who worked with her. Teresa overcame this situation with the support of her colleagues. “Everyone knows she’s a real bitch,” Teresa said. “She's hard to resist. But this is a good job, so no one wants to leave. So we just put up with it. And we always support each other, saying a lot of positive words to each other. This is the best we can do. "

Support from others, colleagues, friends, teachers, mentors is key.

It is helpful to keep a journal of your experiences, noting when and what exactly happened. But do not use this method if it makes you feel even worse by going back to the experience.

But most of the time, by writing down what happened, you help yourself get it out of your head. And as we know from experience, such notes can prove to be very useful one day when you get a chance to be heard.

Addition

When a person is humiliated, then inside he has subconscious programs that attract the negative attitude of others. For example, it could be low self-esteem or a hostile attitude. People reflect your vision of the world, and in order to correct such situations, you should go inside yourself and find negative patterns, and then regularly change them with the help of reflection and new beliefs.

You need to work to increase your self-worth and know that there are times when people do certain things or say bad words, not because you are bad. No! In fact, there can be many reasons. For example, their internal genetic programs that provoke them to behave this way.

The most important thing is not that you were offended, but how you reacted. Your reactions hurt you and are important to work with. Develop your confidence and humiliation will no longer be present in your life. All the best!