Instructions
Allow yourself to go through all four negative stages of stress. In the denial phase, a person is in shock and is practically unaware of what is happening. During a period of anger, emotions and aggression awaken in him: a person who has lost his job begins to be angry with his employers, and with himself, and with life. The next stage is the bidding stage: “If I can attract a new partner, the boss will call me back.” The last negative stage is depression, which attacks a person when he realizes that his efforts to return to work are in vain.
Negative emotions cannot be pushed inside oneself and tried to be contained. If anger is surging, find a way to let it out. Put on boxing gloves and hit a punching bag, pretending it's yours. former boss. Pour your heart out to your friends and acquaintances - the more often you tell your story, the less emotions you feel about it. Over time, the circumstances of your dismissal will begin to seem insignificant and your attitude towards this event will change.
Negative stages of stress can last a few weeks, but don't let them drag on for months or years. Use psychological technique"Alarm". “Set” your internal alarm clock for a certain period of time, and after the specified time has passed, pull yourself together and begin to act constructively.
Having thrown out all the negative emotions, you will reach the stage of acceptance. This stage will give you the opportunity to analyze your mistakes that led to your dismissal, and will also give you the strength to move on.
Make a list of the positive aspects of your dismissal. For example, now you don’t have to endure reprimands from your boss, work overtime, or commute to work on the other side of the city. Now it is important for you to learn to see new opportunities and prospects. Make your life motto the expression: “No matter what is done, everything is for the better.”
Analyze the reasons for your dismissal. You should not pay attention to such factors as staff reductions, crisis, stupid boss. Most likely, there was an internal desire to find a new job, admit it to yourself. Think about what kind of job you would like to have. Write down all the skills and knowledge that are required for your desired position. Then identify the items that you are missing and start filling them out.
Start looking for a new job. Use all possible types of search - employment services, acquaintances, advertisements in the media, Internet sites. During employment, maintain the daily routine of a working person - this will help you keep yourself in in the required form and don't relax too much. Treat getting fired and looking for a job as a test of strength, and if you successfully pass it, you will achieve success.
Getting laid off is one of the most difficult experiences you can face in your career. As a current coach, I have personally witnessed the shock, grief and anxiety that comes with this. Getting laid off can cause helplessness and self-doubt in the form of a frightening loss of control and the voice of a merciless inner critic - especially if your colleagues have kept their jobs.
Your perception determines how successfully you will move into the next phase of your career and life. Although getting fired is a temporary blow, it won't ruin your career if you understand how to control how you feel about it.
In my work with executives who have been laid off, I have seen some of them pick themselves up, move forward, and finally succeed, while others get stuck in a cycle of anger and self-blame. Destructive thinking patterns keep them in the swamp of failures, making them unable to regain their footing and decide on their future. Below, I offer three ways to quiet your inner critic, increase your resilience to stress, and stay productive after you quit.
Keep a positive attitude. To recover from failure, stop endlessly repeating the same things in your head. This adds to problems rather than helps solve them. Mindset influences recovery after layoffs. Let me give you an example of the stories of two 50-year-old men with whom I worked. Let's call them Owen and Bob.
Owen took the news of his dismissal hard, even though it was the result of a merger and was not based on his performance. He continued to blame himself, wondering, “How could I not see where this was going? I’m not fit for science and I’ll never have another job in my fifties.” Instead of thinking about his future plans, Owen spent his time torturing himself and randomly browsing through job openings, becoming more and more frustrated. When Owen came to see me a few months after his dismissal, he was already struggling to get out of bed in the morning. He could not get rid of self-criticism, constantly blaming himself for losing his job, while some colleagues kept it, and as a result he slipped into depression.
Bob also experienced being fired, but he acted differently. After the initial shock of the news, he updated his resume and LinkedIn page to show that he was looking for work and began to systematically connect with his audience. Despite the stress of being temporarily unemployed, he constantly reminded himself: “I have skills in marketing, and now is the right opportunity to take advantage of it to explore my career opportunities.” Within a few weeks, Bob had identified potential job opportunities. More than thirty of his friends agreed to help him find a job.
The key difference between Owen's and Bob's stories is not that one is doing better than the other after being fired. Initially, both were equally upset about losing their jobs. But, unlike Owen, Bob focused on controlling the situation and did not engage in constant self-criticism.
Don't let negative thoughts take over. After being fired, it's normal to find yourself in the grip of anger and self-deprecation, and these feelings can linger in your head for a long time. Being aware of the feelings that accompany a layoff is important, but it's also important to pay attention to what you tell yourself and determine whether your feelings are helping or hindering your goals. By questioning your inner critic, you can stop the harmful cycle of self-blame that is holding you back from moving forward.
Here are some common examples negative thoughts in pairs with questions that you can ask yourself to look soberly into the future.
Thought:“I could have done more and prevented the layoff.”
Question:“What reason do you have to believe that I could have prevented the dismissal?”
Thought:“Firing will result in loss of skills or some other disadvantage.”
Question:“Why am I sure that this will lead to a deterioration in my abilities?”
Thought:“I was unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Question:“What could make my job unclaimed?”
Thought:“This is a misfortune from which I will never be able to recover.”
Question:“What career opportunities am I currently available to explore?”
Shift your attention from disadvantages to advantages. Typically, after losing your job, you try to figure out what you did wrong and reflect on all sorts of miscalculations. By focusing on your weaknesses, you are more likely to forget or minimize your strengths.
To replace a demotivating approach with a more positive one, look at your entire career. If you are just starting out, think back to your educational experience at the moment. The purpose of this exercise is to find out what professional and personal failures you have already experienced and what problems you have overcome on the way to your current position. Remember how you suffered through another difficult situation that you eventually overcame.
With this in mind, ask yourself the following questions.
- Which strong qualities did you use to solve your problems?
- What have you learned about yourself in the process of overcoming challenges?
- How can you leverage your strengths at this transitional stage in your career?
In stress resistance training developed by psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania for the US Army, participants teamed up and performed difficult tasks. combat missions using developed team skills. After you quit, you can use the same approach by looking back at situations in which you persevered in the past.
With the right mindset and proactive questioning, getting fired is more likely to be an opportunity to succeed than to end in failure. The ability to set your course in life, choose the angle from which you view a situation, and develop a mindful attitude toward your strengths are just a few of the unexpected benefits that await you after you deal with the baggage of anger and frustration. As my former client said when starting new job: “If I had known, if I was left without work, that I would be so happy a year later.”
“Don't quit your job before you find a new one,” we've heard this mantra a million times. Are you tired? Are you sick? Do you need a break? These are all excuses, whispers an inner voice (which sounds suspiciously like the voice of a colleague, a friend, or one of the young people at the next table whose conversation you accidentally overheard). If you leave now, you will lose. Don't quit your job. Don't make a mistake.
What can you answer to this voice? At a minimum, this is this: the option that seems safe to us is not always the most reasonable. While in severe stress, we switch to survival mode. And in this mode, we are not inclined to think soberly and thoroughly. We are afraid of risk. We think about only one thing: relax and forget.
In addition, in such a state, the chances of finding something better tend to zero. Trying to break out of one captivity, we easily fall into another if we cannot adequately weigh all the pros and cons. It happens that a person simply does not have the strength to fight for better conditions. He is exhausted, his fighting spirit has disappeared - only a sluggish, lifeless body remains. Can you hope to impress the next personnel officer in such a state?
Before deciding whether to stay on the debilitating or unpleasant work, analyze your condition. Perhaps you just need a break to recover. Here are some points worth taking a closer look at.
You don't feel safe
Your safety comes first. If you don't feel safe at work, you should quit, even if your finances aren't in good shape. better position. Some workplaces can be real places of increased danger - such as disadvantaged areas of the city, zones of radioactive contamination and military operations.
If you are being harassed or threatened at work, tell management. If you remain silent, no one will defend you. If attempts to defend your rights lead nowhere or after a “lull” the pressure on you resumes with new strength- leave boldly and as soon as possible.
Work is ruining your health
Remember: your health is always more important. The word “stability,” so beloved by many, acts like a slow poison. We become passive, not ready for action - even when our previous life brings only suffering. Is your job killing you - physically or in any other way? Then you should quit as soon as possible, while you still have some strength left. In some places people work in fear all the time. How can you go to an interview in such a state and expect to be appreciated?
You feel unsure of yourself
Over time, the hatred of work can become so strong that in search of salvation you will be ready to clutch at any straw.
It could be a simple “hack job”, work under the wing of a friend, the advantages of which boil down to the fact that it brings in a little money and allows you to escape from the hell of your former life. But often such respites drag on, and your determination to look for your dream job quietly evaporates.
You need a break
“I was fed up with my job,” says Alexander, “But I was simply not ready to take on a new one right away. I didn't have enough time and inner space to understand what I wanted. I was in a terrible state. I had to leave before I could think about anything else."
Alexander quit, despite the fact that his colleagues considered his action to be madness. But he himself admits that he felt relief: “My blood pressure probably dropped by half the minute I left the building.” He decided to take a three-week internship at a new company and got the job a week after graduating.
“This job was completely unrelated to my previous career, I was paid less, but so what? - says Alexander. - I work, I help people. Now I see meaning in what I do. And I can calmly plan my next steps.”
You don't have time for yourself
“I’ve never quit a job without knowing where to go,” says Barbara. - But now I had to do it. My previous job consumed all my energy. While I was there, I couldn't imagine my life outside the office. I felt stuck and couldn't move. Now I can concentrate and understand what I really want.”
If, when returning from work, you feel completely overwhelmed and squeezed out, you will simply not be able to look for a new job. It may end up being just as unsatisfying in your new job. Listen to your body - it won't deceive you.
If you need to quit your job first just to look at yourself in the mirror and figure out who you are and what you want, do it without delay!
About the expert: Liz Ryan is the founder of the consulting company Human Workspace.
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While most of the stresses we face in the office can be planned and prevented, the reactions of colleagues are an uncontrollable variable. This is especially true for such office problems as conflicts based on personal qualities and values. A few simple tips will help you survive in an atmosphere of bullying.
- Don’t let a person who systematically humiliates you “put together a coalition”: communicate with other employees as if nothing had happened.
- Some personalities hurt very deeply. If you cannot reduce the intensity of your reaction, then at least limit your contact with the offender.
- Focus on your opponent's strengths and remind yourself of his contribution to the common cause. This will relieve irritation.
3. Provocations of conflicting personalities
According to a study presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, 5-10% of workers may suffer from a personality disorder. There are 4 main types.
The most fanatical and unpleasant of these types is conventionally called a “star.” Such people fantasize about unlimited success, believe that they know everything better than anyone else, love to command and do not tolerate objections. When communicating with them, you should remain calm and respect their opinion, but still stand your ground, otherwise they will no longer take you into account.
If you need to convince such a person of something, try to speak as convincingly as possible, talk about the benefits that both this individual colleague and the entire team can receive.
4. Women's team
An office with an overwhelming number of female employees is a typical conflict-prone environment. At first glance, it may seem that the best solution is to keep to yourself. However, this, on the contrary, will turn your co-workers against you, and in the end may even lead to dismissal. Therefore, choose the golden mean. How to do this?
- Do not share information about your personal life with anyone and do not talk about problems that are not related to solving work problems.
- Do they spread gossip and rumors around you, or do they just talk about someone behind their back? Show that you are not going to take part in such conversations. Just try to avoid unnecessary moralizing.
- Follow the dress code and do not wear too bright or provocative outfits, expensive wardrobe items, or accessories to work.
- Don’t strive to become “on the board.” This is always noticeable and only causes contempt.
- Be attentive, listen more and, in turn, do not make harsh statements about other colleagues.
- Do not disregard company rules and values. If it is customary for an organization to hold corporate parties and celebrate birthdays in the office, you should not ignore them.
5. Sloppy co-worker
Order contributes to inner peace and productivity for most people—but not all. Why is my colleague’s desk always a mess? There may be several reasons for this.
- Some people are inspired by clutter and find that it stimulates their ideas and pushes them to develop.
- Someone simply does not notice the disorder - it does not affect them in any way, they simply “don’t see” it.
Before you lash out at a colleague for being sloppy, remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way, and what one person likes may not be another's. After all, it's his workplace, and only he can decide what it will be like.
If a colleague’s papers smoothly “crawl” onto your desk, a simple calm request not to violate boundaries will be enough.
6. Breaking friendships with a colleague
Friendships in the workplace have their pros and cons. One of the downsides is the feeling of awkwardness that arises when a close relationship breaks down and you have to see this person every day at work. To overcome it:
- Abstract from disagreements in the personal sphere and focus on how good your ex-comrade is in fulfilling his official duties.
- Focus on completing your job tasks.
- Try to maintain a normal professional relationship with the person with whom you were once friends.
7. Consequences of an office party
Joint holidays are one of the team building techniques. Research has shown that managers believe that joint holidays and outings, games and participation in social events strengthen relationships in the team, which leads to more efficient work, as if integrating personal and professional life into a single whole.
But there is also reverse side- undesirable consequences of corporate events. Usually this is expressed in the stupid behavior of colleagues. But you yourself can find yourself in an awkward situation.
The best option is to control your behavior. Well, if something seemingly irreparable happens, don’t be angry. If possible, try to make it a joke. If necessary, explain to those who were inadvertently offended.
8. Passive aggression
Try to bring such a colleague into an open conversation to find out the reasons for this behavior. As a rule, these are misunderstandings, omissions, hidden dissatisfaction, which a person, due to character or other circumstances, does not want to express openly.
If you yourself are experiencing hidden aggression towards a colleague, try to see in him good points. There is no need to harbor anger or resentment.
9. Blurred behavioral boundaries
Regardless of what others do or say, everyone is ultimately responsible for themselves, so it's best to keep things moderately formal.
You shouldn't say and do whatever you want at work, and at the same time, you shouldn't let other people set moral and ethical boundaries for you. What is normal for one may be completely unacceptable for another.
An effective tool for combating familiarity at work is to give colleagues direct and immediate feedback, but without getting personal. That is, without humiliating or attacking, politely communicate what you want and what you don’t. The wording could be: “Can I ask you not to do this to me / not to say this in my presence?”
Have you ever had conflict situations at the workplace? How did you solve them? Tell us about your experience in the comments.
Use the same stress management strategies you would use after a breakup.
Of course, you could be more careful. Could work on communication. You no longer tried as hard as you used to. But one way or another, it's hard to accept the fact that you have to say goodbye.
You were fired, laid off, or you made the difficult decision to leave your favorite job. And now you are left with a broken heart.
If this all sounds like a love breakup, well, it probably is. Research has shown that leaving a job can lead to the same feelings you experience after losing a partner: resentment, regret, rejection, and even sadness. And often these feelings are much more difficult to accept when we are talking about the end of a job rather than a relationship. According to Nancy Hay, director of the What Works Center For Wellbeing, a London-based organization that reviews research on wellbeing, being fired or made redundant leaves deeper emotional scars than divorce or even the death of a spouse.
“It's all a matter of loss,” says counseling psychologist Lisa Orbe-Austin, co-founder of career consulting firm Dynamic Transitions. “Especially when it comes to career losses, it can be difficult, because it’s not just the loss of a job. It can be a loss of entire identity.” As anyone who's ever felt a rush of pride during a "what do you do" conversation can attest, it's easy to lose track of the line between your professional identity and your personal one. Research shows that our sense of self tends to shrink after a breakup, and the same goes for job loss: when something you did was part of your identity, losing it feels like an overwhelming experience. It challenges your entire view of yourself.
There's also a frustrating sense of wasted time, says Carrie Krawiec, a therapist at the Birmingham Maple Clinic in Troy, Michigan, who specializes in relationship problems and stress management. "You invest yourself and think, 'This is where I'm going to spend the next 10 years,' and when that doesn't happen, you feel cheated." There is a feeling as if you were slapped in the face by your own miscalculations: you spent part of your life loving someone who, ultimately, did not want to repay you in the same coin; you chased an opportunity that led to a dead end.
Orbe-Austin emphasizes that both types of breakups can shake your sense of integrity, upending years of carefully guarded habits. When you're out of the habit of waking up alone or starting your day without a commute, she says, "that novelty is a reminder of the loss." Either way, she recommends reinforcing new, similar habits, like spending time with friends, going to the gym, cooking, or anything else that keeps you going and makes you happy.
Diving into other parts of your life has the added bonus of strengthening your integral sense of self, she adds: “You have to make your identity out of a bunch of things so that if you lose one of them, you don’t feel so strongly about the loss of your identity.” . You're not just an unemployed programmer; You are also a hip-hop dancer. You're no longer part of the marketing team, but you're throwing an incredible party and truly enjoying the time you spend with the people you invite there.
This focus on expanding one's self after loss can be a helpful way to distract oneself from the temptation to become obsessed with one's past personal decisions. Kravets recommends similar stress management strategies for both romantic and professional breakups, advising her clients to avoid “I should have” statements: “I should have noticed this sooner” or “I should have chosen a different job.” You accepted the job either out of necessity or after considering the facts available to you at the time. You dated someone because they seemed like the right person for you. Instead of guessing unhelpfully, evaluate your strengths, she says, and what you can take away from the situation.
Reflection can also help you heal faster from your wounds. In one 2015 study, researchers found that recently separated people who brooded over the breakup (in this case through questionnaires and interviews) healed faster after the breakup than those who did not force themselves to mentally relive the experience.
By analogy, Orbe-Austin argues that examining your feelings is vital to processing the shock and rage you may feel. Introspection can help you avoid defensive behavior, which in turn can help you turn this failure into an opportunity for growth. “We want to be able to learn from the reasons for our dismissal and be able to carry this experience with us throughout our lives,” she argues, instead of simply blaming former employers or partners.
But why do some of us get over breakups faster than others? In his research on how people recover from the end of a romantic relationship, social psychologist Lauren Hoey, a doctoral student in the Chair of Human Resource Management and Leadership at the University of Zurich, found that people who viewed the breakup as a necessary evil—rather than a personal reflection of themselves—often moved through the negative experience more quickly. People who realized that they could change and become better for future relationships also had greater success in recovery.
The same thinking can be applied to work, Howe argues. “The important thing is to believe that this is an opportunity for change,” she says. “Realize that no matter what happens, you can become a different person in the future, whether that means becoming a more sensual romantic partner or learning a variety of work skills. You are not doomed to repeat the same mistakes.”
As you change, your needs will also change. Even if you just left your dream job, your definition of an ideal job now won't be the same in a few years. And knowing that nothing is perfect always makes it easier to let go of the past.
