How to drive a person crazy quickly and easily? You need to pretend to be a fool and ask him stupid questions. Or you can just find fault with him and pretend that his arguments are complete nonsense.
Why did I bring this up? Yes, because today I was almost driven crazy in this way. Well, of course, I’m exaggerating a little, but if this lasted for several days or even months, then you could really go crazy.
And it was like this. I sometimes sell links from one of my sites in a serious exchange of eternal links. Recently, I deliberately increased the price to above average so that all sorts of freeloaders would not blow my mind. And yesterday I received one request to post a link. Link to a decent site on 1C topics.
I was not lazy and wrote a feature article and posted it in the main section of the site. (There is also a secondary one, and there is even a hidden one) The result is a URL like MY_SITE.RU/1C-linux Everything in general is first class. But the customer “optimizer” didn’t like it. I present the correspondence in its entirety.
Optimizer: If you look at the “breadcrumbs” in the article, then it itself should be here http://....ru/category/linux/ But here it is not. How to understand this?
I: Breadcrumbs show the RUBRIC of the article. Go to the main page and see your article. I didn’t invent this plugin, and it’s not my fault that it shows the path through the category. The article was written under your link, it is ABSOLUTELY thematic, which in reality costs much more. So the claims are not justified.
Optimizer: My question is exactly how to find an article after it leaves the feed on the main page. I am afraid that the article may be published in an isolated section to which there are no links on the site (unfortunately, I sometimes see this). If there is a real section and you can reach it with home page, then I will be glad to accept the material.
I: Here's a simple answer - always look at http://....ru/sitemap.xml - this is done for search robots. If it’s here, it won’t go anywhere. If it is displayed on the main page, then this cannot be a hidden section. If it is displayed in http://….ru/feed/ then this cannot be a hidden section. You owe me another 100 rubles for the SEO lesson :) And you don’t need to immediately send it for revision, just write a message first!
Optimizer: I'm not interested in signs of a partition's existence. I'm interested in the path to the section where the news is located from the main page of the site. Describe it and there will be no questions.
I: Well, don't you see the url in the browser? It goes straight away, without any categories or sections. It is impossible to have such a url from a closed section. Maybe you should hire an SEO specialist, like me, who would supervise all this properly? You will give the webmaster a heart attack by explaining banal things. See the url of the page http://…..ru/1c-linux/ well, where is there anything to hide? Well, ask literate people if you don’t understand it yourself. I don’t even know how else to convince you. Well, go to the main page, look at your article in the feed, what else do you need?
Optimizer: If there is no section, then indicate the path from the main page of the site to the article, if you do not go through the news feed. The news feed is a very temporary phenomenon. If this path exists, then I have no questions.
I: It seems to me that you don’t understand anything AT ALL about website building and how everything works. What path are you talking about? Is there a link to the post in the sidebar menu? Eat. Is it on the main page? Eat. Is it in the section? Eat. Is the site on the map? Eat. You already owe me a lot of money for frayed nerves. Are you not a woman? Well, call your neighbor, whoever is next to you, let them explain to you what an ARTICLE IN THE MAIN FEED OF THE SITE means. Should I give you the admin password so you can check? Write to the exchange support service and let them check. I'm tired of proving something to you.
Optimizer: Sorry, I didn’t see that in the central part of the site you have a news feed with the ability to navigate through pages to past news. Initially I saw it in “Latest Articles” and thought that this was the only place it was displayed. I automatically assumed that in the central part of the main page you have standard materials, like on many sites. I apologize again.
I: Well, I’m glad that everything was resolved, otherwise I didn’t even know what to tell you in my defense. By the way, write in those assignments about hidden sections, this exists and it’s good when they warn you in advance.
He’s a good man in principle, he apologized, I probably shouldn’t have been so harsh with him, but really, I almost went crazy explaining that 2x2 = 4. I think that working with people requires a lot of nerves. Sometimes you look at the same bank employees who issue loans, and you want to wish them strong nerves- people today are so impatient!
But it’s good that everything was resolved. While we were arguing, this article had already been indexed, and after his approval I received the money.
HUNDRED SEVENTY RUBLES - was it worth going crazy over this?
Everyone wants to achieve happiness, success, and wealth. Various psychotechnics will help you make your dream come true with a minimum of effort. Of course, if you believe their authors. But you need to believe them with great caution.
Creative Visualization
Founder: Wallace Wattles
Main books: Wallace Wattles “The Science of Getting Rich”, Shakti Gawain “Creative Visualization: Using the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life”, Neville Drury “Creative Visualization”, etc.
Number of followers: ???
Creative visualization is a method that allows you to achieve what you want through the power of thought. If you think that everything is fine with you, everything will be fine with you; if you subconsciously expect troubles, they will certainly find you. At the same time, creative visualization is aimed exclusively at yourself - you cannot force another person to do anything using this technique. The task of creative visualization is to eliminate psychological obstacles on the path to your goal.
Many people practice creative visualization famous people, including Oprah Winfrey, Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Drew Barrymore and Bill Gates.
Silva method
Founder: Jose Silva
Main books: Jose Silva “Mind Control with the Silva Method” Jose Silva, Robert B. Stone “You are the Healer”, “Getting Help from the “Other Side” with the Silva Method”, Ed Bernd Jr. “Development psychic abilities according to the Silva method”, etc.
Number of followers: 6,000,000 people from 110 countries.
The Silva method was developed by Jose Silva in 1966. His initial goal was to improve his children's performance in school, but he eventually began developing the concept for anyone.
The essence of the method is to reduce resistance human brain. Through meditation, a person can enter a certain state in which he can reprogram his brain.
Essentially, the Silva Method asks you to go into your own subconscious and remove bad habits, rewrite thoughts, even recover from diseases.
The Silva method has gained great popularity in the USA and English-speaking countries. Even after the death of the founder of the method, the Silva International organization continues to develop this psychotechnics.
Transurfing
Founder: Vadim Zeland
Basic books: Vadim Zeland “Transurfing of reality. Stages 1-5”, “Reality Maker”, “Dream Forum”, etc.
Number of followers: Zeeland's books have been translated into more than 20 languages; a transurfing school was opened in Holland in 2008.
According to Zealand, our world consists of many branches of reality, and which one a person will follow depends only on him. There are no coincidences, because we ourselves subconsciously choose one path or another. The essence of transurfing is the ability to consciously move from one branch to another with the power of thought.
Let's say you're waiting for a bus that's been gone for a long time. If you think that you are late, but the transport still hasn’t arrived, it will happen. But if you start thinking that your bus is about to appear around the corner, then it will certainly arrive.
The more detailed your thought is, the more accurate the description of the “branch” of reality you need, the more likely you are to move to it. If not, you didn’t believe and wait enough.
The teaching is extremely popular, both in Russia and abroad. Another thing is that the hobby of transurfing can be dangerous for a person. It’s one thing to convince yourself that the bus is about to arrive; it’s another thing to try to heal without the help of drugs or doctor’s intervention.
Simoron
Founder: Petra and Peter Burlan
Basic books: Vadim Gurangov, Vladimir Dolokhov “Textbook of Luck”
Number of followers: the VKontakte group of followers alone numbers more than 100,000 people.
The word "simoron" means... nothing. It was entirely invented by Peter and Petra Burlan in 1989, when they created a school of psychotraining, which was aimed at revealing the innate genius of each person, liberating them from the endless circle problem situations and states. The main tool of the followers of the Simoron school is their imagination.
The founders of the teaching believe that they teach people everyday magic. The main thing for the simoron school is to learn to fantasize and fill your consciousness with elaborate, often absurd images. The school's followers strive to become children again, constantly wondering and learning about the world. In their opinion, a child’s imagination is broader than an adult’s and allows dreams to come true. Like magic.
Today there is only one official simoron school left - Simoron Burlan-do. The rest were closed due to inconsistency with the authors of the teaching, who zealously monitor the copyrights for the “household magic” of simoron.
Book and film "The Secret"
Founder: Rhonda Byrne
Main books: Rhonda Byrne's "The Secret"
Followership: The book has been translated into 40 languages and sold over 19 million copies.
Released in 2006, the film “The Secret” became quite famous not only in the United States, but also abroad. The film's producer, Rhonda Byrne, in the wake of the film's popularity, released a book of the same name with quotes. It's a fairly standard success story, if you close your eyes to the fact that both the film and the book are based on revealing a method that, according to Byrne, can influence the reality around you.
“The Secret” invites the viewer and reader to join, as the authors say, one of the most guarded secrets in history. With the help of the power of thought, you can materialize fears and desires, change your life and even heal. The law of attraction is constantly at work in our lives (not the one that caused Newton to get a bump). According to Bern, because of him, everything similar is attracted. Respectively, bad thoughts attract bad events. When you think good things, you get good things.
Many people liked this psychotechnics; Bern’s book sold 19 million copies. But many still did not agree with the opinion of the authors of the film and book. Journalists from The Guardian considered the content of the film unethical, since it “... promotes disgusting ideas that disaster victims themselves are to blame for everything.”
Channeling
Founder: Supreme Intelligence
Basic books: Walsh Neal Donald “Conversations with God (unusual dialogue)”, Denis Miller “10 practical steps to find solutions through Internal source", Hicks Esther, Hicks Jerry "Law of Attraction", etc.
Number of followers: Surveys have shown that every tenth American surveyed believes in this psychotechnic.
Channeling is a tricky thing. It is aimed at establishing a “communication channel” between a person, a medium, and certain Higher powers, the Great Mind, which knows everything and is ready to share this knowledge free of charge. All the contactee needs to do is quickly transfer everything he heard onto paper or another storage medium. If a person follows the teachings of voices from above, then his life will become happy and easy, since he will be guided through all obstacles.
Adherents of channeling claim that it has existed for many centuries. The practice of summoning the spirit of the dead and divination are mentioned in the legends and myths of many peoples. In the 18th century, mediumship and “talking with the dead” became fashionable. In the 21st century, channeling has again become a popular trend, with the difference, perhaps, that now people prefer to talk not with long-deceased relatives, but with Higher Powers.
According to channeling practitioners, all prophets and saints were contactees, that the Bible and the Vedas were written precisely through the connection of people with a certain Great Mind, which put the sacred texts in their heads.
Neurolinguistic programming
Founder: Richard Bandler, John Grinder
Basic books: Joseph O'Connor, John Seymore "Introduction to Neuro-Linguistic Programming", Manly Palmer Hall "NLP Training. Increasing the Power of Your Abilities."
Number of followers: ???
NLP is called success modeling technology. Many people want to achieve heights in business or, say, in sports. NLP teaches people to copy the verbal and non-verbal behavior of people who have achieved success in a particular field. Thus, NLP adherents believe, a person takes on part of the success that is inherent in the role model.
As proponents of the method say, NLP will teach you to communicate with people more easily, allow you to achieve success in your business, solve your problems and, ultimately, make you happy. With all this, the authors consider NLP to be a scientific practice.
Here the opinions of Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the authors of the method, differ from the opinions of many other specialists. Scientists consider neuro-linguistic programming to be quackery, the Christian church has condemned it for using people as “stepping stones” on the path to success, and ethical advocates consider the method dangerous because it can be used to manipulate people. For example, luring them into various religious sects.
You Can Heal Your Life
Founder: Louise Hay
Main books: Louise Hay “Heal Your Life”, “The Path to healthy life", "Heal yourself", "The power is within us", etc.
Number of followers: Louise Hay's books have been translated into 30 languages. The book “Heal Your Life” was reprinted 110 times, with a total of 50,000,000 copies sold.
According to Louise Hay, the cause of all our ailments lies within ourselves. We are not able to let go of grievances, forgive ourselves for some mistakes, and over time this turns into psychological and sometimes physiological diseases. The essence of Louise Hay's method is to forgive and dissolve your grievances. By healing mentally, you will destroy the source of the disease. According to the author of the books, she was the first to experience the effectiveness of this method when she fought cancer in 1978 without chemotherapy or medical intervention. However, Louise was never able to confirm that she was indeed diagnosed with cancer.
Nevertheless, Louise Hay's books are extremely popular both in the United States and in other countries. The Hay Foundation is engaged in charitable activities in many areas, while simultaneously promoting the ideas of its founder. In 2014, a film was made based on the book “Heal Your Life,” which brought Louise Hay several million dollars in profit.
Don Juan's Teachings
Founder: Carlos Castaneda
Main books: Carlos Castaneda “The Teachings of Don Juan: The Way of Knowledge of the Yaqui Indians”, “A Separate Reality”, “Journey to Ixtlan”, “Tales of Power”, etc.
Number of followers: ??? Perhaps about 10,000,000 people.
Carlos Castaneda became one of the most mysterious personalities XX century. Castaneda tried to appear less in public, not to communicate with the press, and forbade photographing himself. His biography has become the subject of hoaxes.
The teachings of Carlos Castaneda, in fact, are not his teachings. The writer wrote it down from the words of a certain “Don Juan,” a magician whom he met in 1960. Castaneda wrote in his books that we do not see the world itself, but only a model of the world created by our perception. The “assemblage point”, the place of the human energy body through which channels pass, takes part in creating a picture of the world outside world. Since the location of this point can be changed, there are three types of attention. To achieve the highest, a person needs to achieve impeccability, that is, to abandon the belief in his own immortality, a sense of self-importance and self-pity. The warrior's path requires renunciation, even to the point of erasing one's personal history.
Followers of Castaneda practice tensegrity, magical passes, which, in their opinion, allow them to influence reality. For a long time they were kept strictly secret and passed on only to those who took the path of the shaman.
Castaneda's teachings became very popular in the USA and the world, giving rise to large number critics and imitators.
Holotropic Breathwork
Founder: Stanislav Grof and Christina Grof
Main books: Stanislav Grof “Areas of the Human Unconscious”, “Man in the Face of Death”, “Beyond the Brain”, “Frantic Search for Self”, “Holotropic Consciousness”, etc.
Number of followers: ???
Since the 50s of the 20th century, Stanislav Grof has been researching the psychotherapeutic effect of taking LSD. When experimentation with psychoactive substances began to be banned in the 70s, he developed a technique that gave an effect similar to that of taking LSD. Grof called it holotropic breathing.
Proponents of the method claim that holotropic breathing has an extremely healing effect on people. Music and deep breathing immerse a person in a meditative state for one and a half to two hours. After awakening, the “holonaut” experiences relief, since holotropic breathing frees the subconscious from accumulated emotions and other psychological “trash.”
Moreover, practitioners claim that in the visions that a holonaut sees during a session, one can plunge into the depths of one’s own consciousness, communicate with higher powers, see past lives and relive the moment of birth.
Despite the fact that holotropic breathing is used experimentally in some countries to alleviate the suffering of incurable patients, most of the scientific community does not hesitate to criticize the technique. In their opinion, holotropic breathing leads to a deterioration in brain function, since due to hyperventilation, the level of oxygen in the blood drops and brain cells begin to die. On top of everything else, it’s easy to get hooked on technology, just like LSD.
Gestalt
Founder: Frederick Perls, Laura Perls and Paul Goodman
Main books: Frederick Perls "Gestalt Therapy: Excitement and Growth in the Human Personality"
Number of followers: ???
Translated into Russian, “gestalt” means a figure or image. Psychologists understand “gestalt” as some kind of holistic structure. All life consists of such gestalts - from the origin of desire to its satisfaction. And until the gestalt is completed, it seems to slow down a person, preventing him from moving on. Gestalt therapy helps resolve this internal conflict.
The main goal of Gestalt therapy is to restore a person’s contact with himself and others, and gain vital energy. Visualization of feelings and bodily manifestations is achieved through the human imagination. Gestalt followers work with a person's feelings and thoughts in the present, but can use memories for additional effect. The purpose of such sessions is to allow the person to complete the gestalt.
All Gestalt therapy is based on experiments. A person can communicate with an imaginary interlocutor or talk about some real or potential situation. The therapist can intervene in the experiment and guide it. The main thing is that the patient can recognize his own problem and accept it.
Ericksonian hypnosis
Founder: Milton Erickson
Number of followers: ???
It is believed that Ericksonian hypnosis is one of the most effective psychotechniques. With its help, a person concentrates on his internal experiences and gradually falls into a trance, during which breathing and heartbeat slow down. In this state, a person can easily endure a hypnosis session, but most importantly, the person has a choice: accept the suggestion or ignore it.
Ericksonian hypnosis also differs from other techniques in that it perceives the human subconscious as the source of the body's potential - health, well-being, achievements, success, victories, joyful and happy moments. All that is required of a person is to release them.
When a person says that he is going crazy, he actually means something of his own by this. For example, someone loses their head from jealousy, and someone calls their fear madness. Neither medications nor attempts to force yourself to think about good things help solve this problem. Internal states a person is controlled by the unconscious, the psyche. If you are driven by the fear of madness, there is only one way to get rid of it...
It's hard when life isn't happy. But it’s really scary when the cause of problems is not circumstances or other people, but “what’s sitting in your head,” when it seems like you’re going crazy.
Thoughts become confused, the world is perceived as an illusion, voices are heard, obsessive delusional or suicidal thoughts arise. Or you explode with fear and panic when you can’t even go outside or talk to someone. Why does this happen and what to do about it? ?
All the causes of internal and external troubles are in the human psyche. You can reveal its structure and solve any problem forever with the help of the “System-vector psychology” training.
Fear of madness as it is
When a person says that he is going crazy, he actually means something of his own by this. For example, someone loses their head from jealousy, and someone calls their fear madness. We will talk about such manifestations a little later. First, about the real, natural fear of madness. This is the fear of losing control over your own consciousness. People describe it like this:
“What should I do if the mind itself stops obeying me? At first I was afraid that I would jump out of the window. Now I’m afraid that if my mind stops obeying me, I’ll do something terrible to my loved ones... I know that I’m not crazy! But what if I do?! It’s like there’s another person in me, poisoning my life, he’s preventing me from being creative and working. I started losing weight, my family is worried. All strength goes into overcoming fear, trying to cope with it...”
Such experiences are familiar only to owners. The sound artist feels, although he does not realize, that consciousness is his most important tool, the loss of which is like death.
Consciousness as the main tool of life
The point is that carriers of the sound vector have a special role in the life of society. They were born to reveal the structure of the universe, the causes of all things. For this, nature gives them a special gift - a unique abstract intelligence. Since childhood, the sound artist has had an inexplicable craving for science, philosophy, theology, and psychiatry. He has the potential to make major breakthroughs in various areas of understanding the world.
Consciousness is the main instrument of a sound artist, whose natural role is to work not with his hands, but with his thoughts. Disclose physical laws and spiritual reasons for how the universe works. In a word or formula, convey to others the essence of the laws that govern us.
If, having sound vector, you have sufficiently realized your talents in society, then you will not be bothered by the fear of losing control of consciousness. It can only arise when a person cannot find his place in the world. Then the sound engineer tries to figure out how people go crazy, looking for alarming symptoms and signs in themselves.
The cause of fear of madness and how to get rid of it
It happens that the environment in which a person lives greatly traumatizes him. The sound engineer suffers greatly if he has to live in an atmosphere of shouting or scandals, screaming at the full volume of music. Or listen to swearing and insulting words. From such an impact on his especially sensitive area - the ear - he withdraws into himself, fences himself off from the unbearable world outside.
Relationships with others are repulsive. The speech, thoughts and intentions of most people seem absurd and mundane to the sound engineer. And that means social implementation doesn't add up. Hidden question “Who am I and why do I live on Earth?”- is not even always realized. There is just a feeling that the most important thing in life is missing. The meaning of what is happening.
The sound guy loses interest in everything and doesn’t want anything. Depression increases, the person becomes lethargic and powerless. He tries to escape into sleep (options include the Internet, games) from a dull and gray reality. Later, on the contrary, insomnia occurs. It happens that your own thoughts are scattered, it is difficult to organize them and somehow express them.
Against the background of severe conditions, involuntary suicidal thoughts and a feeling that a person is going crazy may arise. Loses the ability to manage oneself, control one’s thoughts and actions. In particularly difficult conditions, he may imagine voices: in his own head or outside.
Neither medications nor attempts to force yourself to think about good things help solve this problem. A person’s internal states are controlled by the unconscious, the psyche. If you are driven by the fear of madness, there is only one way to get rid of it. Understand the mental processes that influence thoughts and feelings. Understand the nature of your desires and finally realize your talent. This removes the natural sound fear of madness.
The “System-vector psychology” training also helps with some psychiatric diagnoses, such as endogenous depression, schizotypal disorder, etc. This is confirmed by the results:
When you go crazy... from fear
If you consider your fears or panic attacks to be signs of mental problems, it means that nature has endowed you. Owners of such properties have no risk of truly losing control over consciousness - that is, going crazy. But emotional disorders can arise, and very serious ones. The enormous emotional range of a visual person is capable of swinging his anxious states to enormous amplitude.
This may be an unreasonable fear of the most ordinary actions:
“I feel afraid when I go to my page. Because someone might send a message and then I get scared to read what it says. Not to mention asking the time from a passerby. I am often overwhelmed by emotions, as if something is trying with all its might to tear me apart from the inside. There were times when something came at me, and I just ran down the street at such a speed that I had never run before... Running across the road when the red light was on and pushing passers-by.”
And sometimes, out of fear, real panic attacks are formed, which do not allow a person to live a normal life:
“For a month now I have not been living, but existing, I started taking medications to stop attacks and anxiety. I can't go outside. Nightmare. I get dressed, stand at the door and cry hysterically. I can’t even get to a psychologist to ask for advice. I just cry and cry and think that it’s time to go to the hospital.”
What to do if you become a hostage to your own fears? Is there a way to get rid of them?
Why fear arises
The problem of fear arises when a huge range of emotions of a visual person does not find realization in society, in activities that are useful for everyone. In ancient times, it was the fear of death - the strongest innate emotion in the visual vector - that helped the entire flock survive. Being the first to notice the danger, the visual person experienced extreme fear and an instant “Oh!!!” warned the whole flock about the danger.
Today we are not threatened by predators, but the innate mechanism of fear remains the same. Your pulse and breathing quicken, your muscle tone increases - you are ready to flee or, conversely, you cannot even lift a finger despite the fact that there are no visible, objective reasons for fear. It is obvious that today such fear not only brings nothing useful to anyone, but also seriously spoils life.
How not to become crazy from fear and panic
Focusing on the feelings and emotions of other people eliminates the natural fear of death. Through empathy. It is the visual person who subtly feels someone’s sadness, grief and joy. He can perfectly realize himself in a profession related to communication or helping people. The main thing is to be attentive to the feelings of others, then fear is converted into strong love for people, into deep emotional connections with them. And the psychological state is completely improved.
But it happens that a vicious circle of fears comes from childhood. Or it arose as a result of psychological trauma. Then the visual person wants, but cannot, open up with his soul. Afraid of pain, afraid of being laughed at and just... afraid. When you are controlled by fear and panic, any admonitions that you need to meet people halfway are meaningless. You just can’t take a single step.
You can get rid of fears and panic forever through understanding your psyche. When every detail of the psyche that rules you is realized, fear goes away. There is an ability to establish emotional connections with people and maximize your natural talent of sensuality in your personal life and in society. This will ensure that fears no longer control you. This is from people who have completed Yuri Burlan’s training:
How not to go crazy with problems
Modern city dwellers often have a set of 3-4 vectors. Each of them can leave its mark on how a person perceives himself and the world around him. What problems and conditions is he experiencing?
For example, those who have a sound-visual connection of vectors may simultaneously experience both an audible fear of going crazy and a strong visual fear of death. Then, simultaneously with depression and suicidal thoughts, fear of the dark, visions, and visual hallucinations may occur.
“Something was often pounding in my head, it was difficult to sleep. Insomnia began when I was 10 years old. From that moment on, I was afraid that I would commit suicide. One day I went to the cinema. When the film ended, I went outside, it was already dark, and the lights were not on. Then something happened to me. I stopped understanding where I was, some strange images appeared from the darkness. There was a feeling of unreality of what was happening"
Each vector has its own unbearable situations that provoke severe stress. And, as a result, negative states appear.
Whatever problem you come to, you will receive a guaranteed solution. You will be able to understand the causes of any of your serious conditions and get relief from them.
Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova
The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»How to go crazy in a week.
DAY ONE.
To begin with, getting up in the morning, go to the mirror and familiarize yourself with the proposed material: you still have to work with it for 7 days!! Get to know yourself. Ask their name, age and what they eat for breakfast.
After getting acquainted (or getting acquainted - as you wish), have breakfast. Don't neglect this: you have a difficult day ahead of you.
Having thus learned all your preferences in the gastronomic field, proceed to dressing yourself. Are you wondering what you're wearing?
Once you've finished this part of your morning, get ready and go outside. The main thing to remember is that everyone around you is an enemy and is definitely hiding something from you. Approach the first person you meet whose face seems worthy of attention. When you approach, take the person by the shoulders, gently shake him and, looking intently into his eyes, mutter: “You are definitely hiding something from me.” It is recommended to listen carefully to any response, then shake your finger at the interlocutor and quickly leave.
As often as possible, look around the street with a crazy look, fixing your bright gaze on the faces of passers-by and staring at them for a long time. Let them be nervous.
If you see a person of the opposite sex that you like, you are extremely lucky. With a skipping step, approach the object of your salivation and hiss intriguingly in a whistling whisper: “Do you know that the world is going crazy?” If the interlocutor does not jerk to the side and does not run away or even scream, then bring your face closer to his/her face and, rolling your eyes, smile ominously. Then step back a couple of steps and admire the result.
But now you have reached your place of work. The fun begins. You must straighten your suit, remember your name and walk decorously to your workplace. Silently. With his nose raised to the ceiling. With an upturned chin. With an arrogant expression on his face. Carefully position yourself at your workplace and sit at the table.
Over the next 2-3 hours, it is recommended not to react to anything or even move. Just understand - you are the statue, and the rest are visitors. They are looking at you. Don't let us down.
If after these 2-3 hours someone turns to you (no matter why), stand up, slam your palms on the table and scream at the top of your lungs: “Don’t lie to me! I see right through you!” Having enjoyed the reaction, mutter: “I’m fine” and go home without reacting to anything.
When you arrive home, begin to be afraid of everything, including under no circumstances taking the elevator - there is a closed space in which something will definitely attack you, or the ceiling will crush you, or the walls will be flattened. In general, an elevator is dangerous. It is also recommended to understand once and for all that the steps on the stairs are also alive and they hurt when stepped on. Say this to everyone you meet.
DAY TWO.
Well, shifts are already visible. You, so to speak, have successfully completed the baptism procedure and have now joined the ranks of aspiring psychopaths. Don't worry, you will definitely succeed.
On the way to work, repeat yesterday’s morning exercise, adding only one detail: you need to understand that people around you don’t hear a single word you say, and therefore you need to say everything clearly, slowly and slightly exaggerating the consonants. At the same time, do not forget to roll your eyes and gesticulate animatedly.
Here you are again at work. Voila! With a magician's gesture, take out from your briefcase a carefully prepared bag with a sandwich. Approach everyone you meet or see, offering your sandwich. If someone agrees, laugh ominously and throw the sandwich at his feet. After completing this operation, find your boss’s office as soon as possible and go there. No knocking.
Here you are in the boss's office. He looks at you with his piggy eyes. He's definitely crazy. Unlike you, of course. You're normal. Who would argue. With a jumpy, excited step, approach your boss, bring your face closer to his face and, splashing saliva, whisper ominously: “You’re fired, degenerate!” Enjoy the growing surprise in his eyes, giggle disgustingly and sneak out of the boss’s office. Still giggling. Show some signs to everyone you meet and generally gesticulate animatedly.
As soon as you get tired of all this, take your briefcase in your arms and, cradling it, carefully bring it to the window. Then, quietly opening the window, kiss your briefcase on the lock or handle and throw it out of the window with all your might. Then, howling, run to the first floor and climb out of the window yourself. Don't overdo it, or you might hurt yourself.
On the way home, repeat the morning exercise.
When you arrive home, immediately turn off all electrical appliances, water, gas and crawl under the covers, start to get scared. Be sure to shake and scream, and scream as loudly and desperately as possible. So that the neighbors can hear.
Spend the night this way (until you fall asleep).
DAY THREE.
Are you already shuddering nervously in anticipation of the prospect of once again seeing the lean faces of useless passers-by? And rightly so, because today you will not go to work, as expected (you fired your boss yesterday, remember?), but just for a walk. Put on pajamas (if you have them) or something similar, slippers, make a nightcap out of a towel and feel free to go for a walk around the city. Talk to everything and everyone you meet along the way.
You, of course, remember that the steps hurt when you press on them, and in the elevator the walls and ceiling threaten to crush you, right? In this regard, you sit on the railing and go on an exciting, dizzying slide down these same railings.
So, you are free. Eureka, as they say. But this is far from your goal - after all, you decided to make friends or at least start small talk with every person or object you meet. Take care of your facial expression and pester everyone you meet with questions about the presence or absence of bags under your eyes. In response to any phrase, start making faces. If they offer you help, don’t believe it, they want to gain your trust and kill you! But they won’t succeed, you are as cunning as a hundred old foxes. Squint your eyes suspiciously and go home with your favorite skipping gait.
ABOUT! Can you hear? Someone is running after you... Definitely. Of course, these are ill-wishers. They want to kill you. Run as fast as you can, not forgetting to make faces. Run home.
So, you are at your home entrance. All that's left is to get to the apartment. No matter what floor it is on, you still have to climb the stairs, right? No! Because if you were crazy, you would have to climb them (after all, only a crazy person could hurt the steps, right?), but you are absolutely normal, and therefore you will crawl up the railings, just like in the morning! Yes, yes, exactly along the railings. Hug the railing and crawl up it. If you are lucky enough to meet someone along the way, announce in a sad voice that the world has gone crazy and continue on your way.
You arrived safely at your apartment and went inside. What to do next? It would be a good idea to take a telephone room and start calling everyone and announcing their abnormality, giggling nervously and gurgling into the receiver. Have fun with just this for two hours, and then you can, turning off all the devices, crawl back under the covers and be scared out of your mind. Be afraid, be afraid and be afraid again. Good night!
DAY FOUR.
No doubt you woke up earlier than usual. There is also no doubt about your desire to act, your thirst for activity. After all, now is the time - morning! Get out of bed, go to the middle of the landing and start doing exercises. Continue doing exercises until your neighbors start going to work. Warmly wave them with your arms (both) or legs (depending on your position at a particular moment), shout to them good morning, wish them a bright day and whatever your imagination allows. When the last neighbor comes out of the door and closes it behind him, let him go ahead and sneakily follow him. Your job is not to lose sight of him, find out his place of work, position, and so on. Having written all this in a notebook “stolen” from someone with a pen of the same origin (that is, also “stolen”) in the most careful manner, make sly eyes and show your neighbor the results of your research, simultaneously asking her about the details and details that interest you.
After spending part of your day in this way, go for a walk around the city, repeating your favorite morning exercise. You are already on the path to perfection!
It would be blasphemy not to go to work...your job...your ex, I mean, job...right? That’s why you’ll direct your steps there (and it doesn’t matter what you’re into) at the moment dressed).
When you arrive at work, go to your former workplace and begin to search your former desk with concentration, citing the fact that you left one very important thing there. Of course, spiteful employees, that is, your former but still spiteful employees, will ask you what this thing is. Ignore the first 10 questions, then answer in a very sharp and important voice: This is my favorite handkerchief with a booger in the right corner.
Then abruptly throw everything off the table and walk proudly out of the office and head home.
Upon arrival at the entrance, crawl along the railings into your apartment (you are no stranger to this), enter the room, crawl under the blanket and shake, shake, shake until you fall asleep. You're even afraid of yourself, right? Right. Therefore, shake and be afraid, be afraid and shake! Wish yourself good night and continue shaking until the bitter end - that is, until you fall asleep.
DAY FIFTH.
Your new morning looks at you from the mirror and shines with a rumpled, sleep-deprived face, swollen eyes and a red nose. Are you ready for new achievements? Are you ready?! Great!
Slowly leave the apartment you slept in. Your nerves are on edge. Someone is constantly watching you. Maybe they're aliens. Or maybe the KGB has you under surveillance because you have secret materials. More precisely, they think so. Because they are crazy.
Go outside. Of course, you remember that the steps are painful and the elevator is dangerous. Well, shall we go for a ride? With the breeze, eh? I knew you wouldn't refuse.
How?! Did you step on a step?! How could you?! Immediately, immediately on your knees and apologize. This is the only way you will atone for your guilt. Pray on the steps until your neighbors go home - then maybe you will atone for the sins of all the inhabitants of this house in front of the stairs.
The neighbors came. Hiss at anyone who tries to take the stairs, and yell at anyone who takes the elevator. The only possible way to get to the desired floor is along the railings. Tell me what to do. Set an example. Let them study, otherwise, you see, they have let themselves go, scoundrels.
Just imagine that you still have a whole exciting evening ahead of you! introduced? Are you happy? Well, that's a bummer. Because this evening will be extremely routine for you - you will sit at the table and write a note. For now, remember how to do it.
So, we approach the apartment door, carefully take the handle and open it. Shh, there's someone there! Slowly cross the threshold, sneak up to your room and suddenly say, “Boo!” It will get scared. Well, there it is. Don't you understand what I mean? Well, how can it be? It is what haunts you. Do you remember someone running after you? On the third day of our exercises? Here. This was it.
So, we scared him away. Now let's take a look at the note. Take a pencil in your hand (not a pen! The pen is by the door! And you have a pencil!), a piece of paper, sit down at the table and write:
I, full name, have to you, reading this heresy,
report that
I'm going to end my life
this worthless life
murder.
Of course life will be
not mine.
After writing this note, take a pin, or better yet a knife, in your hand, make an incision and drip blood onto the paper. Somewhere around the words “murder”. Well, so that they definitely understand and appreciate the seriousness of your intentions.
After that, no matter what time it is, you turn off all the devices, crawl under the covers and start singing your favorite song. Singing and shaking. Until you fall asleep. The end is near!
DAY SIX.
The penultimate day of our “Go Crazy on Your Own” course. So, you are almost a highly qualified psychopath, you can start to be proud. Well, lyrical digressions aside, let’s continue our studies.
In the morning you definitely need to wash your face. Otherwise, you see, you’ve been too busy all week for that. We go into the bathroom, take liquid soap, unscrew the cap and pour the contents onto ourselves. Yes, exactly on the head. Yes, exactly quickly and so as not to freeload.
Don't rush to wash it off! Better take a brush. Dental, of course. Then squeeze out all the paste from the tube onto it and start brushing your teeth. Cleaned it? Amazing!
Now in this form (well, all sorts of pajamas and soap on our heads), you and I are going on a free swim. I wanted to say, on a long walk through the alleys and parks. Quietly and slowly leave the house, put your hands in your pockets (if there are pockets, of course) or go somewhere else so as not to get in the way. Whistling (if you know how) or humming (and here it doesn’t matter whether you know how), walk through the park (when you get there, repeat the traditional morning exercise with looking into faces and other delights of live communication between psychos and you), periodically correcting Soap dripping from the head.
As soon as you get tired of this noble activity, try to think about the meaning of your continued stay in this vile place. How dare it bother you?
Head to your nearest store. With an expression of deepest contempt for everyone around you on your face, go up to the counter and say: “I’ll have three goose tails and one twine.” Of course they won't understand. Oh my God, which of these abnormal people understands Russian? Make a face at them and leave the store, they won’t give you anything here.
How? Is it already noon? However, this is not bad - you have a unique opportunity to get acquainted with the sights of this city. Since you look, um, quite strange, I think that you will be given a seat in public transport. Moreover, I am absolutely sure of this! Shall we check? Walk up to the bus, get on it and stick your tongue out at the conductor. What did the lady with the chest backpack eat?! Oh, she's heading towards you to drop you off. What does she care about you? Sit quietly, close your eyes and hum your favorite song. Well, the one you screamed at before bed last night. Amazing.
Oh, what is she muttering there? Free up the premises? Here's more. Although, she is right - is it really possible to travel in the same transport with mentally ill people? Proudly leave this mournful corner and go home.
Today we have a shortened day, as we need to get a good night's sleep - there is so much to do tomorrow!
Climb up the railing. You remember very well how this is done, right? Turn off the devices, crawl under the covers and start thinking about what you haven’t been afraid of in this life. I assure you, in about ten minutes you will fall asleep. And if you don’t fall asleep, then at least continue our ascent to high degree madness - on your own. See you tomorrow!
DAY SEVEN. HE'S THE LAST.
Well, are you ready? How, you also ask, why?
So, let's start our new good day with exercise. Get up, brush your teeth (do you remember how to do this? No? Let me remind you now: take the toothpaste, squeeze it into your mouth and wash it down with water. Just don’t forget that using toothpaste in large quantities is fraught with dangers). Now sit down. Stand up and sit down. Get up, sit down... well, until you get tired of it, exercise. This is generally useful.
Have you been exercising? Commendable, commendable. Today we have to walk for a long time... however, who will tell you all the secrets now? Well, quickly, get dressed! How? You have already forgotten that normal people do they wear when they go for a walk? Come on, don't disappoint me. Dress more decently on your last day. Well, a business suit, shoes. Everything is done.
Are you dressed? Well, what should I do with you? Why didn't you put your pants on your legs? Why don't shoes fit your feet either? Well, where is your logic?!
Tell you everything. Well, take your pants, put one trouser leg on your left leg first, and then the second leg on your right leg. And so that the fly is in the front. Then we take the right shoe in the right hand and put it on the right foot. Have you mastered it? Stunningly! Now we take the left shoe in our left hand and put it on our left foot.
Let's go take your head for a walk. You’re probably tired already – being afraid of everything for a whole week? Nothing, nothing. It'll all be over soon.
Go outside. Well, sliding along the railing is already a classic of the genre. Don't you dare step on the steps! Walk towards your previous place of work. Shall we shake off the old days? Surely everyone will start to shy away from you now. Make faces at them. Show them a simple three-finger combination. Well, move on - what do you care about the mentally ill?
With your favorite skipping step, head towards the city hospital. There is definitely a psychiatric emergency department there. You will now... help them all. Wow, can you help me!.. they clearly lack qualified employees. That is, people like you. It’s okay, you and I will now show them how to treat psychos.
Stealthily enter the hospital premises. Pretend that your hand hurts. No, it’s better to pretend that you don’t hear or understand them. That is, if they start telling you something, you also start: “We ourselves are not locals...” and what is your imagination enough for? They will shut up - and you will shut up. And so on until the paramedics arrive.
And the orderlies will come. Because you are in a mental hospital. Because this is exactly where you needed to be. Because you are crazy.
As soon as the orderlies appear, jump out into the street (and you are decently dressed), run up to the kiosk with newspapers, buy some for yourself and sit on a bench in the park to read. When they ask you if there was a crazy person running through here, say that he was. Tell them that first he ran, then he bought a newspaper and then sat down on a bench to read it. When they leave (and they will leave, because it won’t even occur to them that this crazy person is you), throw away the newspaper and head home at a brisk pace.
Crawl home up the steps. You do it in last time, so be especially careful. Ring every neighbor's door, but try to run away faster than they open it. When you get to your apartment, open the door and pretend that you just left the house. Ask the neighbors who looked out at the ringing if they were the ones who just rang you. Nod understandingly and go home.
At home, change into pajamas, put on a cap made from a pillowcase and crawl on all fours a couple of circles around the apartment. They say it's useful.
Turn off all appliances. Today is an unusual day - the final one in our course. Go to bed and don't be afraid of anything. How? Can't you help but be afraid anymore? This means you have successfully completed the course. Congratulations. You are now a certified psychopath! Good luck!
