Autumn is an ideal time for travel, so I have a proposal for you: let’s go together to the most hidden corners of our soul, where we will look our fear in the eye. Ultimately, once we see our fear, we can reduce its influence on us and become truly free people. Many of us are tormented by the fear of losing a loved one, or the fear of taking risks, or the fear of losing control of ourselves. Maybe we need to stop living in the grip of fear?

The Nature of Fear

First of all, every person strives for happiness and love. Everyone has their own vision of the future, their own dreams and desires. However, sometimes it happens that we seem to strive to achieve something, but distrust in the world and fear of loss prevent us from doing this, especially if there is self-doubt.

Fear of loss always makes us afraid of what we really want. The fear of the new literally paralyzes our mind, which prevents us from changing anything in our lives and stops us from taking any action towards our dreams and desires.

Over time, we begin to get confused about where we are, our true desires, and where is the result of fear. If you want to see where your fear lives, think about what doesn’t suit you in your life? This is where fear lives. Perhaps you once found yourself in a situation where you had to make a decision and act, but you were prevented by the fear of making a mistake, the fear of doing the wrong thing. Since then he has taken over you:

    For example, fear of losing money makes us hide from risk, thereby depriving us of the necessary experience for future success and a prosperous life.

    Fear of abandonment or the fear of being alone, makes us not create relationships (partnerships, business), so that in the future we do not think about the pain that close people or business partners can inflict on us.

How to overcome the fear of loss


Most often, the reasons for such fear are our own negative experience or the experience of our parents. After this, as a rule, we begin to avoid communication, serious relationships, and marriage.

Fear of loss loved one prevents us from feeling the joy of life, turning it into constant control.

One of the reasons for fear is the habit of thinking more than feeling. We think about the future beyond the world we know, thereby ignoring our feelings, needs and desires. It is important to learn to overcome fear in order to achieve heights in life, fulfill desires, and implement plans.

    We must, firstly, try not to fight fear, but take a step towards it, think about it what exactly are you afraid of? When you see your fear, it will begin to weaken and you will begin to act.

    Secondly, it is important Do not be scared , because what we fear happens to us. As long as we are afraid, we lose as long as we unconsciously lay down a program of failures, obstacles, and problems.

    Third, don't be shy ask for help to a psychologist. Family and friends play an important role in overcoming fear of loss. Even the realization that you are not alone is already a help.

    Fourthly, being afraid is easier than moving forward and achieving something. Therefore, all we need to do is think about ways to achieve dreams and desires, and start acting.

    Fifth, realize that love has no fear . Nature has endowed us with sensuality and the ability to love. He who loves and has confidence in life is largely free from fear. When we are self-sufficient and confident, we need the other person less, but are willing to give more.

In the life of almost any woman, there are times when she is afraid of losing a loved one. For some, these are fleeting moments, because any person has an inherent fear of losing what is dear to him, what he loves, but for some it becomes an obsessive thought that prevents them from living and correctly perceiving the world and people’s actions, including your own, and generally adequately assess the situation. But the paradox is that the more afraid you are, the more chances you will have of actually losing what is so dear to you. The only way to change the situation is to stop being afraid. This does not mean that you will stop loving, you will simply be confident in yourself and your loved one, because when you are confident, you are not afraid. How to stop being afraid of losing a loved one?

Most often, insecurity arises due to low self-esteem. Next, I will give some tips on how to increase it.

Firstly, always try to learn something new, learn something. You can start studying Japanese, you can learn to roller skate or master the secrets of culinary art, but you need to do this not for someone else, but for yourself. The man who lives interesting life, interesting to others.

Love yourself. Play sports, sign up for a swimming pool, go for walks to keep your body in good shape. And it doesn’t matter whether you are a slender blonde or a plump brunette, everyone can find an acceptable option for an active lifestyle. You can change your hairstyle, update your wardrobe, get a manicure. Like yourself and others will like you too.

Notice all the good things that happen to you. You can even start keeping a diary of good events. Don’t criticize yourself too often, we all make mistakes, the main thing is to draw the right conclusions from them. Do not feel sorry for yourself, do not consider yourself weak, then you will not evoke feelings of pity among those around you. You should be respected, not pitied.

Be positive. Life is beautiful and amazing, it is full of surprises. Think about the good things that can happen to you and your thoughts will work and guide your life along a good path.

There is no need to compare yourself with someone. Each person is individual and another may have shortcomings that you are not even aware of. You can only compare yourself with yourself, what you were and what you have become. If you don’t like this comparison, then something needs to be changed.

You can get a dog or a cat. They will love you regardless of your flaws. And when someone loves you simply for being you, it’s easier to be confident in the love of others.

Don't be afraid of difficulties. By overcoming them, we overcome ourselves. And thereby we increase our self-esteem. Every task you undertake, complete it. And if you decide to do something, don’t put it off.

If you think in advance what you should do if your loved one leaves you, you will stop being afraid of this, because you will see that life does not end there.

But for this you need to have your own life, your own interests and hobbies. Just because you love each other doesn't mean you have to be together twenty-four hours a day. Allow yourself to go to a cafe with your friends for a cup of coffee, without your young man, give yourself some freedom.

They say that you shouldn’t keep your loved one on a short leash if you don’t want to lose him, because if he wants to, he’ll still leave. At the same time, they forget to clarify that with this leash you are tying yourself to it and the shorter the leash, the more difficult it will be for you if the relationship does not work out.

How are they not afraid of losing a man or woman? Husband or wife? Take a closer look at yourself.

To what extent is your internal personal platform, your basic “I”, regardless of the circumstances in your relationship with your partner? Does your psychic energy flow, as in the case of communicating vessels? When it decreases in one, it increases in the other and vice versa.

It happens that one of the spouses (lovers) plunges into their dark depths, into a period of bad luck. Then the second one lends his shoulder and feels more confident. As soon as the “sufferer” gets out of his misfortunes, the second one gradually loses his confidence. In other words: as soon as you begin to need less support and approval from your partner, he begins to lose you.

If so, this is an alarming signal! Your marriage, love is in danger. There is not enough room in the space of personal feelings for both of you to be strong. Therefore, the history of relationships becomes similar to the “transfusion” of energy from one communicating vessel to another. Sometimes, in order not to lose a loved one, he (s) subconsciously wants trouble to happen to you so that he can become strong. Or maybe you have noticed something similar in yourself?

When you need to be needed, you contribute to the weakness of your chosen one. If he needs you to need him, then he is contributing to your weakness. This is unconscious suppression. However, it can be worse. Conscious suppression also occurs among couples who seek “togetherness.”

So, don't use your partner as a driver and don't let him use you. You won't get that far. You “get attached” to a person, next to whom you can show your best qualities. This means that without it you will not realize yourself, and you will live in fear of losing your source of energy. Therefore, you grab onto him or her with a death grip.
Remember what happens to a drowning man who clings to his savior. They can both go down! Most often this is what happens.

Why don't each of you develop your own ability to swim and float, instead of relying on the other? Why not both become good swimmers? Then fear will lose its meaning.
If you cling to your partner like a drowning man, then he has a desire to push you away - in order to survive. This triggers the self-preservation instinct. But you can’t fight instinct! The tighter you hold on to someone, the more the pushing force increases. This subconscious process is not easy to track when it begins. But once it gains momentum, you can't stop it.

To understand how not to be afraid of losing a man or woman, I do not at all advise you to separate yourself from everyone and cherish your ego. What I am trying to explain to you is that “being yourself” and “being with someone” are not contradictions, but realities that need to be brought into balance. Any imbalance gives rise to problems that destroy the strongest and most reliable feelings. union. If strength and reliability are subjected to constant testing, they may fail. We live in a polar world where absolute strength and absolute reliability do not exist.

When your partner is trying to manipulate or change you, you will need all the strength to remain yourself and at the same time maintain a good relationship. This way you will save your love union from destruction. If you succumb to outside influence, on the contrary, you will cut the safety rope and fly into the abyss.

How not to lose a man or woman?

Here's what you should pay attention to in your life together:

  • Spouses often focus on each other's shortcomings, instead of developing their own strengths and those of the person with whom you are in a relationship.
  • Your personal ability to think, feel and act on your own is largely shaped by your parents. You tend to copy your parents, even if you do not consider them a worthy role model.
  • The hope that your spouse will snatch you out of the parental nest is usually not justified. It is his (her) desire to do this that will create problems.
  • The opinion that you are “more advanced” than your partner is most likely a fantasy that you indulge yourself in, and a real threat of losing the person forever. When you admit that you are on approximately the same level, it will be easier for you to see what emotions, reproaches and demands you exchange.
  • Standing up for your own interests in marriage and intimacy, rather than constantly sacrificing them for the sake of others, will make you happier.
  • Your evaluation should not be based on what others think or feel about you! The main criterion is own opinion about yourself, exactly your feelings and sensations. Stop looking at yourself in the distorting mirror called “OTHERS”. Whoever these “OTHERS” are - parents, spouse, lover, girlfriend or boyfriend.

The fear of losing someone close can arise at any time. Initially, the child is afraid of losing his parents. Being already at a conscious age, the fear of losing a loved one appears. Various intrusive thoughts, which do not allow you to live, work, or relax in peace.

The fear of losing loved ones develops in childhood

Loss phobia is the result of the death of someone very significant. It is difficult to survive such an event. Having a phobic disorder, the patient can no longer control his emotions and actions, which arose due to strong fear. But thanks to the development of psychology, such fears are curable.

Causes

The fear of losing a loved one can appear in early childhood. It is a consequence of childhood trauma. It is important for the baby that the mother is nearby around the clock. The baby has a special connection with his mother, which is important not to break. If mom is not around for a long time, he will start to worry and get nervous.

If this happens several times, fear will gradually form. The child will have a certain association and developed reaction to separation from his dearest person. This will be accompanied by hysterics and prolonged crying. If this fear is not addressed initially, it will actually develop into a phobia. And related phobic disorders will also begin to develop - fear of loneliness, death.

The fear of losing a loved one, of being unprotected, appears due to childhood traumas, such as sexual or moral abuse, constant humiliation from peers or parents, attacks from classmates, etc.

Other reasons due to which the fear of losing loved ones develops: divorce of parents, death of a relative, long-term absence of a father.

It happens that a child is frightened by older brothers or sisters. They claim that at night some monster will steal the baby and take him away from his mother. As a result, the child experiences panic, horror and hysteria. If the mother is gone for a long time, a panic attack may begin.

Another reason is observing severe depression after a breakup. Typically the targets are older siblings who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. They are aggressive against everyone. They respond to any reproaches with anger. The child sees this and remembers the reaction of a loved one. In the future, he may avoid any love contacts that he associates with pain, disappointment and fear of loss. When a person is in adolescence or adolescence, it is possible personal experience

Another situation is when people date or live together for several years. They become attached to each other and can no longer imagine life separately. They feel good together for some time, but at one point everything collapses and the time comes to part.

Other causes of fear:

  1. Fixing attention on the negative. Internal trembling is no longer normal and a person begins to panic for any reason. In any action he sees only a bad, negative outcome.
  2. Low self-esteem. The girl begins to be jealous of the guy and believes that he will soon have a mistress. She begins to feel guilty before her loved one. As a result, obsessive thoughts develop. She tries to keep her husband by any manipulation, causing herself a feeling of pity. If a man suffers from fear of loss, he begins to overly control his beloved. Forbids you to leave the house late, forces you to change your clothing style to a very discreet one, and often calls or writes SMS.
  3. News in the media. Recently, reports of deaths or missing people are appearing more and more often. Very emotional people begin to worry about loved ones and relatives. They are trying to control their every step in order to protect them from danger, but because of this, the situation can only worsen and contact can be disrupted.

Some reasons are related to the characteristics and personal qualities of a person. The fear of losing a person arises in people with excessive emotionality and suspiciousness. It also often manifests itself in people who have difficulties with trust. They are afraid that the person will deceive them and begin to worry for no reason.

Signs

Fear develops gradually due to frequent and strong feelings. Initially, a person is often visited by obsessive and disturbing thoughts. He often begins to get nervous and afraid of something.

Then he becomes very intrusive. Every day he makes several calls to loved ones, constantly asking if everything is okay and if anything bad has happened.

Any news about missing children or adults in the news causes panic and hysteria. After such news, the patient cries for a long time. The disease develops gradually. May become more frequent panic attacks. They have the following manifestations:

  • cardiopalmus;
  • bad feeling;
  • dizziness;
  • difficulty breathing;
  • high or low blood pressure;
  • slight trembling;
  • increased sweating;
  • frequent headaches, etc.

The patient begins to have problems sleeping. He may fall asleep, and if he does, he often wakes up in a cold sweat. I have nightmares.

If the disease progresses, nervous breakdowns may occur. For example, for parents when their child is at a distance and for some reason stops answering calls. This can become the initial stage of a disease called mental neurosis.

The patient compulsively calls relatives several times a day

Consequences

The result of the formation of fear of loss is the fear of harming loved ones or oneself. Most often it develops in people with vegetative-vascular dystonia (VSD). In psychology it refers to obsessive-compulsive disorder.

It manifests itself as a panicky fear of harming others. Various inappropriate thoughts arise. The patient may begin to hallucinate. It seems to him that he did something terrible, although in reality this did not happen. The result is that he constantly lives in fear for his life. Tries to isolate himself from others. In a fit of anger, he is afraid of harming others or even killing someone.

The fear of harming someone close to them often appears in sleepwalkers. While in a sleepy state, they cannot control their actions. Being under the impression of a dream, they may begin to crawl on the floor with a knife or other piercing object.

Such behavior causes panic among household members and interferes with the patient’s life. Some send the patient to a priest, explaining sleepwalking as obsession. But since sleepwalking is a psychological and neurological deviation, the help of a qualified psychologist is necessary.

Often the mother develops a fear of harm. She worries that someone will hurt her child. This is how overprotection gradually develops. The mother does not allow the child to make his own choice, which spoils the relationship with him. You need to learn to control yourself.

Fear arises for almost the same reasons as fear of loss. Only the reaction to these reasons is different. The fear of losing a beloved man or woman is replaced by the fact that a person is afraid of becoming unprotected.

Sleepwalkers are often afraid of harming loved ones

Effective techniques

If the patient is still initial stage If you notice something strange in your behavior and discover that you have a fear of loss or harming yourself, you can try self-treatment. Usually it gives a good result, but short-term.

Main methods:

  1. Breathing techniques. Inhale deeply, exhale slowly - the basic rule of any breathing exercise. Inhale and hold your breath for 3-4 seconds. Exhalation lasts 2–3 s. The interval between breaths is 2–3 s. The number of repetitions is no more than 7 times. It is appropriate to use breathing techniques when fear has just begun to appear. This will help you overcome it quickly.
  2. Affirmations. Every time you feel a panic attack coming on, remember positive affirmations. Repeat that everything will be fine, fear will subside, and nothing bad will happen to your loved ones. Think that life is beautiful and trouble will not affect your loved ones. The technique works through self-hypnosis. Since thoughts are material, the technique really helps a person calm down and come to his senses.
  3. Have a positive attitude. Reading will help you get rid of obsessive thoughts interesting books or watching movies with a good, optimistic ending. This will make it clear that life is filled with positive events. It is advisable to limit your viewing of news.

Every day you need to drink herbal infusions and teas. Especially before bed. This will help you calm down.

Conduct aromatherapy sessions. This is convenient to do at home. Fill the aroma lamp with lavender, chamomile, lemon balm, mint or other floral aroma oil. Turn on calm music, take a comfortable position, close your eyes and imagine something good.

Remember that such procedures will not help to completely get rid of the disease. It is better to seek help from a specialist in order to recover as quickly as possible.

Watching funny movies will help you stay positive

Help from a psychologist

You need to consult a psychologist if the illness does not allow a person to live in peace, and the feeling of anxiety has not left for a long time. Initially, the doctor will determine the stage of development of fear in order to correctly prescribe treatment. It is usually implemented through a combination of cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy. Additionally, medications may be prescribed. Most often these are antidepressants.

At the first session, the psychologist wants the patient to answer the following questions:

  • what happens if I lose a loved one;
  • what is this fear associated with;
  • what I experience when I can’t connect with a person;
  • what will happen if a loved one knocks himself or hurts himself in some other way;
  • what happens if I hurt someone;
  • why do I worry so much about my loved ones;
  • who said that something would happen to my family, etc.

This will help a person understand the essence of his problem and understand what is causing his feelings. The patient will see himself from the outside. This stage also involves describing the sensations that arise when the fear of loss or harm is activated.

In subsequent sessions, the doctor helps the patient get rid of fear by immersing himself in a dangerous situation. He asks the patient to close his eyes and imagine something that really frightens him. This could be the loss of loved ones, harm to yourself or family. It is important that the main signs of fear appear.

After which the terrifying picture in the subconscious changes to something pleasant. This could be visualizing dreams or imagining something that gives you a feeling of joy and happiness.

This is how a sharp change in thoughts and behavior occurs. This type of exposure therapy lasts about 20 minutes. The goal is to teach a person to cope with their fears and be able to switch to something positive when the phobia is sharply activated.

According to doctors, manifestations of fear in women are more pronounced. Therefore, treatment takes longer than in men. On average, the number of sessions is 7–8. But girls often need 10–12 sessions to completely heal and stop worrying about their family over trifles.

Conclusion

Fear of losing a loved one is the result of childhood trauma, parental divorce, and frequent scandals in the family. The child is afraid of losing his parents, which is why mental disorders develop. The disease can develop at a conscious age due to negative influence Media, low self-esteem and personal qualities of a person.

The main signs are dizziness, hysteria, rapid heartbeat. Sometimes panic attacks occur. You can try to get rid of fear on your own, but this will only give a temporary effect. It is better to seek help from a psychotherapist in order to forget about this problem forever.