Excellent student syndrome is a special type of mental disorder in which children and many adults exaggerate and idealize their abilities. Ultimately, the disease can lead to neurosis, apathy and prolonged depression.
Most often the syndrome occurs in at a young age while the child is in school. The kid tries to get only “A’s” and is very upset when something different happens. But if in childhood the disease is still treatable, then getting rid of the disorder in adults becomes much more difficult.
Causes of excellent student syndrome
The causes of the disease go deep into a person’s childhood, so finding out what actually influenced the onset of the syndrome becomes more difficult every year. Most often, the disease appears as a result of psychological trauma in the child, the causes of which can be:
- Indifference on the part of adults;
- Frequent conflicts with parents;
- Absence of any family member;
- Self-doubt or feeling of loneliness in a child.
Over time, all this can radically change a person’s personality. The syndrome is especially dangerous because both adults and children can experience mental and emotional exhaustion at any time. People in this state are unable to tolerate defeat or even cope with normal everyday difficulties. They become withdrawn and unsure of themselves, and severe depression appears.
Symptoms of the disease
The most striking manifestation of the syndrome is a person’s acute experience in the event of the slightest failure. Even the lack of praise can cause internal tragedy.
Since the main goal of a child with the syndrome is not to gain new knowledge, but to conquer highest award, children often become dependent on the opinions of other people and suffer from unstable self-esteem. They are also jealous of the successes of their classmates and friends. Sick children are ready to sacrifice their favorite pastimes or a walk with best friends for the sake of academic excellence.
Excellent student syndrome often occurs if the child was not explained in childhood that he is loved regardless of grades, titles and awards. It is as a result of this that an adult may think throughout his life that they are communicating with him for some benefit.
At an older age, the syndrome usually manifests itself as a group of several signs, which include:
- Excessive responsibility for any situation that arises;
- Excessive demands on friends and family;
- Inability to prioritize;
- The desire to be the best in any field of activity;
- Inability to lose.
Portrait of an excellent student: alarming symptoms
The excellent student syndrome can be seen already in childhood. The child appears:
All these symptoms can be noticed in adulthood. A person constantly strives to be perfect in everything: appearance, character, career. But often all these attempts remain just desires.
Diagnosis of the syndrome
To establish or exclude excellent student syndrome, you should first seek advice from a psychiatrist.
It is he who will not only conduct an oral interview with the patient, but also prescribe further studies. Usually the patient is recommended to differentiate the disease from the usual desire for self-realization. To do this, experts use a special perfectionism test, which includes 45 or 24 questions. The patient's honesty is especially important when answering test items. In accordance with the points scored, the issue of the patient’s psychological state is decided.
Is it worth treating the disease? Does the disease need to be treated? Can it worsen the quality of life? What's wrong with a child or adult trying to achieve their goals and make their life better? This is what patients with excellent student syndrome usually worry about. It is difficult to answer the questions definitely, but we can say with confidence that pathology can undermine a person’s emotional state
and lead to severe mental disorders. The disease becomes dangerous even in Everyday life
. For example, women with excellent student syndrome most often have problems in their personal lives. Often they remain lonely, because they are looking only for an ideal in a future husband. Daily quibbles and scandals will also plague anyone who aspires to this position.
- If you do not pay due attention to the first manifestations of the disease in childhood, then in adulthood you can expect the following problems:
- Inability to enjoy any process, since you will only be interested in its result;
- Obsessing over every little thing, which will lead to an inability to think abstractly;
- The emergence of a habit of “memorization” that interferes with the development of creative thinking;
- Lack of friends and loved ones due to a difficult character;
- Emotional instability, irritability and apathy.
The paradox of the disease is that due to a strong desire to be the first in everything, a person painfully perceives all his mistakes, gives up and plunges into depression.
Treatment of excellent student syndrome
Since often the reason for the occurrence and development of the syndrome lies in the child’s environment, first of all, psychological work should be carried out with the family. Parents should not try to compensate for their own failures with their child’s victories; they need to regularly show the baby that the family really needs him, that he is loved and appreciated.
If a child brings a bad grade from school, he should not be scolded or punished. First, you should talk to your baby and find out his feelings. One can only think about the correctness of upbringing if he doesn’t care and doesn’t see anything wrong with a bad grade.
If a child begins to show the first signs of excellent student syndrome, experts advise:
- Spend more time with your baby: hug and kiss him for no reason;
- Be interested in what is happening in his life;
- Provide support and advice when necessary;
- Do not compare your baby with other children;
- Offer to take a break from class or go out with friends when he is spending too much time studying.
If following these tips does not bring noticeable improvement, you should seek advice from a qualified and experienced professional.
Methods of combating pathology for adults
In this case, the most an important condition Successful therapy is timely treatment. First you need to install the real reason the appearance of the syndrome, and then learn to relax and distract from pressing problems. Experts also advise:
- Treat events with optimism, look for positive aspects in situations.
- Find your favorite activity, join a gym or do extreme sports. A person must be distracted from daily worries and fight his fears. All this helps you become stronger and more persistent.
- Be a little late for work at least once. In this way, the boss will understand that a person is not a machine that cannot make mistakes.
- Experiment with your style. This helps you feel free, reboot mentally and attract new friends.
- Do not take criticism from others to heart. Most often, on the contrary, it helps a person understand his mistakes and not make them in the future.
- Learn to forgive loved ones and enemies.
- Remain human in any situation.
Many doctors and scientists believe that excellent student syndrome occurs in children due to a lack of love and attention in the family. By receiving the highest grades, the child tries to attract the attention of adults and earn praise. Therefore, it is very important for parents to regularly show their love and care to their baby.
If the child is all his own free time spends on lessons and school assignments, you should invite him to take a walk, play or invite friends over. Experts also advise enrolling your child in creative or sports clubs. At the same time, it is very important to teach a child to show interest not only in learning, but also in the entire world around him.
Prevention
The best prevention of this disease is its absence. Already at the first symptoms of the disease, parents should consult a specialist and begin appropriate adequate treatment. First of all, you should listen to yourself, evaluate your behavior and communication with your child, and also think about what reasons could lead to the development of excellent student syndrome.
Patients need to understand that it is not necessary to be a leader all the time. Life is beautiful without absolute victories in all endeavors. You need to learn to prioritize and accept that there are people who can do things better. And that's completely normal.
Forecast
The prognosis directly depends on the degree of development of the disease. If the syndrome does not develop into a crazy race for leadership and manic self-improvement in all areas, then in most cases the illness even gives strength for large-scale achievements. It is known that the majority famous people are perfectionists.
But, if the syndrome goes beyond all limits and turns into a serious problem, the prognosis becomes extremely unfavorable. This form of the disease can destroy life. A person stops noticing all the good things that happen to him. He feels helpless and useless. Most often, such people plunge into deep and protracted depression, and then commit suicide.
Video: excellent student syndrome
Video: psychologist about excellent student syndrome
We had this too. The child feels terrible because of this, I turned to a psychologist to cope with the problem. It turned out that the original message came from the family, this helped us a lot. A complex like this cannot just appear. I’m glad that we overcame this, because when the child grows up the situation may not change, I even have a friend with such a complex. I see how difficult it can be with this in adult life... We had a similar experience. This only concerned grades at school. When I received a bad mark for a forgotten notebook, I said Hurray, I have a normal child! Now he’s not afraid to get grades other than A’s...
Well, this is not fear, but a reasonable approach. This is not very important to me myself, but the opinion of those who are dear to me is important.
It's difficult, but it's possible. I have a friend, a very good international lawyer, who went to a psychologist for two years. But now, as she says, “the result is obvious.”
It’s worse when the excellent student complex remains in adults. My brother is 30 years old, and he is still in it... How can adults get rid of him?
In first grade we didn't have grades, we had emoticons. The degree of smile of the emoticon depended on how the child coped. There was no competitive element. I don’t remember the children competing. Thanks to the teacher for this.
In order not to traumatize the children's psyche too much, they tried to introduce a non-grading system at least in the lower grades (up to and including the second grade). But in practice, everything depends on the teacher and his presentation. In my children's first grade, grades were replaced with stickers. One teacher had children glue stickers onto a poster with a Christmas tree, a boat, etc. (in different ways in different months), and at the end of the month they counted: whoever has the most stickers gets a prize. The teacher worked so hard and invested in the children that in general all the children wanted to be the best and loved. And the parents really appreciated the teacher’s efforts and doted on her. We did everything to make it easier for her to work. As a rule, we ourselves, parents, try to choose the best teacher for our child, the one from whom everyone learns, who knows how to motivate all children, whose children are disciplined, who everyone wants to go to...
In order to be the best, my daughter tried very hard. And the teacher loved her very much for it. When we left, she was very upset, she even shed a tear.
Why did I write all this? To show that my daughter is so smart? No. To show that it is these teachers who are most valued by parents. Parents themselves bring their children to them. Children get hung up on the formal side educational process- on grades and carry this attitude further to secondary school. (By the way, when we realized what the problem was, we left that school for a different education system.)
In the first grade, not all children understand the value of grades, but I think after a school like the one I described above, all children begin to value grades. Why are competitions held: “Who has the most tokens?” To instill in the child’s mind the desire to be the best, to be the first, then all the laurels will be for you. In our class, the excellent girls did not like to help others, because then they would not be able to stand out among them. As a result, strong students compete with each other, and weak students “forget” their grades, try to isolate themselves from them, or accept their failure, trying to compensate for it with something else, but this is already in high school occurs in adolescence, when adults can no longer control them as much. Of course, instilling team spirit among excellent students is out of the question. But C students are luckier in this sense: they get together in groups and live according to the laws they picked up on TV, at school, and at home.
But I digress. My two older children, studying according to such an assessment system, brought their failure and dissatisfaction home. Their mood was hard to bear, especially as the younger ones grew up and adopted the mood of the elders. Therefore, we moved to another school, where it was valuable to help those who were behind, where no one evaluated children, and the main incentive was the child’s interest. The training was based on the child's needs for communication, acceptance, etc. - everything is difficult to explain, because... it's a whole technology. But what I liked most, as a parent, was teaching a child to work in a team, to see a neighbor with his needs, to take him into account. The older children began to come home from school happy, the psychosis associated with lessons went away - the atmosphere at home improved. Our school leader explained to parents that weak children in the class are even more needed by the strong than strong children by the weak. Because during the learning process, those children who understood faster explained to those who had not yet understood, and from this they themselves began to understand the material even better. Only when you explain something to someone else do you begin to understand the material more deeply.
P.S.: Teaching according to the principle of getting people interested is very difficult, because you need to step into the child’s shoes and look through his eyes. And it also seems that you have to make a fool of yourself in front of the children, like those mass entertainers who hold children's matinees. Actually this is not true. You just need to understand the child’s needs and take them into account.
Marina007, you are great for helping and supporting your daughter in this way. About kindergarten
terrible Our people were also given candy if they helped clean up or slept well. But black tokens
Indeed, there are children who do not know how to lose at all. My oldest always cried when she was a kindergartener when she couldn’t win. And only at school this gradually passed.
But the youngest didn’t cry right away, she sees how I root for her when we play together, and she looks in the mirror, rooting for me. And he is absolutely not worried about losing. Especially when nothing depends on the player (walking or lotto).
It turns out that the prerequisites for an excellent student complex can be noticed even before school and can begin to be smoothed out in advance.
What’s interesting is that before this topic, I didn’t consider this complex a disadvantage at all. Now I’ve reviewed it and will no longer demand perfect notebooks and straight A’s from my youngest. It’s good that we haven’t had time to study yet, but are just getting ready for first grade.
Thank you for the experience... My daughter is also acutely worried about failures... School is still ahead...
oh, this is how it works, poor children, like in the circus... I'll take note... Good afternoon everyone!
I came across your topic through the news displayed above - there was an article about the “Excellent Student Syndrome”, and through the article there was a connection with your topic.
I read your topic up to page 6. I decided to speak out. I'm familiar with this syndrome. One of my daughters suffered from this for a long time. Only recently have we coped with this syndrome to the extent that those around us have stopped suffering from it, although the plaque remains.
I began to worry about this syndrome in the first grade, when she played until 9-10, then at 10 pm she finally got ready to do her homework and did it until late, although she no longer had the strength. She cried, exhaustedly wrote out letters and circled them several times. I told her: “Go to bed! We don’t need any A’s at the cost of our health!” And she, sobbing: “They’ll give me a B!” The desire for the teacher's love and acceptance was very important to her to such an extent that she tried as hard as she could in everything. She took first place at a running competition, and then was ill for a long time. I scolded her: why did you strain yourself so much! Nobody needs this! Among other things, even in kindergarten she was often sick, and she had bronchitis and was allergic to cats, then to dandelion pollen. As a result, a constant cough began, like a nervous cough, and a runny nose. The cough went away only if she went to the pool twice a week. As soon as I missed it, coughing immediately began. I don’t know whether the bleach helped, or whether physical activity relaxed and relieved nervous tension. I think these were symptoms of the onset of asthma.
We changed schools. IN new school They didn’t give marks until the 4th grade, because... experimental site. The cough went away completely after a few months. But the disappointment in case of failure remained. Until the 4th grade, she often cried at school, she almost failed, although she was the best student in the class.
Finally, I started treating her with homeopathy. The nervous system became more stable and stopped crying. Then, in the fifth grade, if we failed, she began to argue with us, but only aggressively. That we are all to blame for the fact that she is losing a game that we as a family enjoy playing without focusing on winning. I continued to treat her. Medicines were selected based on psychological symptoms, eating habits, everything in general. She became more balanced. I stopped redoing assignments for everyone in the class when working in groups. (Previously, when working in groups, she did not trust the others, but she did everything as it should. The rest of the children hung their hands - anyway, X will do everything herself.) She learned to observe her classmates from the side, and not just rush into battle and star .
At the moment, we do not suffer from excellent student syndrome to the extent of obvious problems that would result in hassle and colds. She still has a constant runny nose, which used to result in spring allergies. But now, as it strengthens nervous system, allergies are no longer observed.
Recently, she recalled: “When I was in kindergarten. I woke up every day with the intention of being good today and that they would give me tokens for it. (They had such a system there to encourage good behavior). But still, something bad would happen and they gave me a black token."
I told this story to show that in the case of excellent student syndrome, the child’s vitality decreases due to the fact that it is spent ineffectively all the time (to prove to everyone that he/she is worthy of being accepted). In our case, we did not have time to recuperate after school, because... We have a lot of children and my mother (i.e., I) cannot pay much attention to each one. Therefore, mental problems resulted in colds. First our excellent student fell ill, and then all the other children. Perhaps in families where parents have 1-2 children each, in the evening they manage to somehow compensate for the child’s disorders, the child has time to come to his senses in a calm atmosphere at home. In our home, it’s like at recess at school. We constantly need to negotiate with everyone, everyone has their own intentions, so we really need the ability to see and take into account the interests of others, or rather, to work in a team.
No, I'm afraid that someone whose opinion is important to me will come and see that I'm a mess.
There was a lot of discussion about this in this thread:
It’s strange, by the way, to immediately consider any discomfort from the point of view of fear. Now, if you are not very pleased that you did not wash the floor on time and it is dirty, this does not necessarily mean that you are afraid of something (for example, that germs will now infect the whole family).
Here I agree with you. And here we need to work on this feeling of discomfort so that it does not later turn into fear.
I don't share lightly. I just love to categorize
But seriously, it doesn’t mean that I divided everyone into 4 types and that’s it. All people are different, it’s just that any classification involves finding COMMON FEATURES in different people. Pure types are generally rare, often mixed. But if you understand what traits are inherent in a person, it is easier to figure out what he feels and how to communicate with him in those areas where your approaches are completely different.
Do you really never use classifications yourself? For example, such as “excellent student, poor student” or “working person - office worker”. After all, these classifications also have certain features inherent to the type. As, indeed, there are a lot of intermediate options.
Wow! And they attacked the teacher at the same time! Or maybe she was just good teacher, which you can find with fire these days, that’s why they loved (and by the way, there is also an example of my own teacher primary classes elderly - and we also loved her as a whole class) N.V.
Cool wording! It reminded me: “Scrap, why don’t you plow, sow, or reap?” - “But everything is scrap for me.”
Character
28.10.2017
Snezhana Ivanova
The complex of an excellent student requires attention. Often it destroys the personality, causing it to become extremely suspicious and unsure of itself.
The excellent student complex in adults is one of those psychological conditions that are quite difficult to manage. Such women initially get used to demanding too much from themselves and do not allow themselves to relax. It often turns out that all their lives they strive to live up to other people’s expectations and at the same time conveniently forget about their own needs. There is simply no time or energy left for yourself. This complex requires attention. Often it destroys the personality, causing it to become extremely suspicious and unsure of itself.
Signs of an excellent student complex
The excellent student complex among representatives of the fair sex manifests itself in a certain way. If you are extremely attentive to your immediate environment and your own feelings, you can notice gradual changes occurring. Let's take a closer look at the signs of excellent student syndrome. They are the ones who should alert you and make you think.
Perfectionism
This is a distinctive characteristic of a girl who always strives to do everything right. In fact, it is impossible to never make mistakes, because all people are characterized by imperfection to one degree or another. The desire for perfectionism only kills interest in life, because any knowledge is impossible without mistakes.
The spirit of research directly depends on how much a person allows himself to be active in life and realize his abilities. But it is impossible to succeed in any business if you constantly push yourself, criticize, fit into certain frameworks and schemes. Fear of error often leads to the fact that a person stops trying to learn something new and discover additional horizons. After all, it is unlikely that you will be able to win under restrictive conditions. People who are afraid to act remain standing and don’t come anywhere.
Diffidence Another characteristic feature presence of excellent student syndrome. Such a girl constantly doubts and cannot make a decision quickly. She, as a rule, consults with everyone on any matter, subconsciously trying to please others. The presence of such a complex has not yet made anyone strong and self-sufficient. Of course, the personality suffers from the inability to fully express own feelings, constantly suppresses them. Self-doubt creates a certain tension in relationships with yourself and the people around you. The desire to always control everything cannot lead to any
significant development
. All areas of life begin to suffer, and, above all, the emotional connection with other people. Indecisiveness It stems precisely from self-doubt and strongly manifested maximalism. A woman suffering from an excellent student complex cannot express herself in society for the reason that she is afraid of not being up to par.
Obsession with problems
If ordinary person If you are not constantly tormented by thoughts about possible difficulties, then the desire to do everything perfectly leaves a serious imprint on the personality. There is a strong fixation on problems. Moreover, they are often not real, but imaginary in nature. Girls constantly think about what troubles they can expect in the future, they scroll through it in their heads possible options getting rid of all sorts of difficulties. Excessive immersion in experiences is also a sign of an excellent student complex. Additional worries arise from the inability to control the situation.
Loss of individuality
Due to constant attacks of self-flagellation, such a thing occurs as a loss of life guidelines. The girl does not understand what is happening to her, as she is constantly trying to adapt to the opinion of the majority. The loss of individuality occurs gradually, the woman does not notice it. Over time, she begins to feel incredibly unhappy. The fair sex continues to live by someone else's rules, while doing nothing to change her situation. Individuality is perhaps the most important thing that every person has. The habit of doing everything right and the pursuit of the ideal do not provide the opportunity to be truly happy. The more a person is fixated on the difficulties that arise, the more afraid he is of possible failures. Over time, individuality is erased, and all that remains is blind adherence to other people's expectations.
How to get rid of the excellent student complex
In order to overcome this problem within yourself, you need to act. You can't just sit back and hope that things will somehow change on their own. Only by taking decisive steps does a person actually move forward, open new doors, and discover additional opportunities. Acquired maximalism should not become a reason to give up the joys of life. How to get rid of the excellent student complex? Let's try to figure it out.
Healthy attitude towards criticism
In order to stop chasing perfection, you need to develop true self-esteem. And this is only possible if a healthy attitude towards criticism is formed. If you think about this question, it turns out that many people remain dissatisfied with their lives. They are guided by certain considerations and at the same time forget about their own deep needs. This should never be allowed to happen. If a person is constantly afraid of judgment from others, then he will never be able to remain satisfied with himself. It will always seem like something is being done wrong. An adequate attitude to criticism is possible only when a person is self-confident. You must learn to accept mistakes as an integral part of success. There is no need to constantly scold yourself for something that happened a long time ago. Focusing on the opinions of other people, we lose ourselves and do not allow ourselves to be truly happy and self-sufficient.
Calculation of time and effort
This is a necessary criterion for achieving success. Many people, for some unknown reason, forget it or even deliberately ignore it. To overcome the excellent student complex in yourself, you need to understand very well how long it will take to complete a particular task. Own powers also needs to be calculated. After all, if you overestimate your real possibilities, at some point you can become very disappointed in life. And having such a sad experience, not everyone will want to overcome negative impressions within themselves. Calculating time and effort will help avoid unwanted consequences, With cope with numerous difficulties. We must always understand what we want to strive for and what efforts we are willing to put into it.
No fear of making mistakes
This is a global misconception of many people - they worry that they will not be able to meet someone else's requirements. Few people understand that they should live their lives based on their own ideas about life. The ability to make mistakes and accept your own failures is really worth a lot. It is necessary to learn to look into the future only with hope. It is then that any obstacles will be overcome. There is no need to be afraid of mistakes, because they are the ones that lead us to achieve significant goals. If every person learned to accept his own shortcomings as something completely natural, then people would become more tolerant of each other. Those who choose to be themselves benefit as a result.
Reconsidering Beliefs
Each person has his own ideas about life. Individual preferences, desires and aspirations make up the inner life of a person. If a girl suffers from excessive tension and indecisiveness, she needs to change her views. It should be understood that they are the ones who hinder the achievement of happiness. Such a person simply cannot achieve a state of integrity. You need to understand that the people around you are not ideal either. There is no point in constantly blaming yourself for not being able to live up to some invented ideal. After all, every person is individual. Reconsidering your beliefs allows you to get rid of the habit of controlling everything. When we take responsibility for what is happening, we truly have the opportunity to change our lives. You need to consciously work on yourself, try not to dwell on failures. The ability to think positively actually affects the consciousness of the individual and expands the boundaries of real possibilities.
Taking responsibility
The true responsibility of an individual is to work on his character under all circumstances.
People often seek to justify their own inaction with certain unfavorable conditions. In reality, they just want to escape the ugly truth that makes them doubt themselves, feel remorse and a sense of shame. True responsibility lies in actions and actions that lead to development.
Thus, the excellent student complex is a condition that one must strive to work with. It is important not just to want to overcome it, but to know where to go, what tasks to set for yourself.
Excellent student syndrome (excellent student complex) occurs in Russia, although it is believed that it manifests itself more often in adults. A child who has an excellent student complex is convenient for parents because of his obedience and efforts to meet their requirements. In an adult, the manifestations of this syndrome lead to many difficulties in life.
Considering that the origins of the excellent student complex in adults come from childhood, it is necessary to identify the reasons for its appearance. In the process of socialization, the child has a significant impact, parents - to a greater extent. Excellent student syndrome in children can develop due to improper upbringing. When their parents rely on the erroneous experience of their educators and have insufficient knowledge in the field of child psychology.
The main causes of excellent student syndrome:
- The child receives praise from parents and educators only for the excellent results of his actions. At the same time, his personal characteristics, abilities, and inclinations are not taken into account. Gradually, the child is no longer praised for high-quality completion of the task. This kind of performance is becoming the norm. The child develops the belief that he must do everything in the best possible way, and it cannot be any other way.
- Adults often make the mistake of comparing their child with other children who, in their opinion, are more successful in something. It would seem that this is done with the best intentions: to arouse in a son or daughter a desire to develop, to become better than others. The consequences of such upbringing are twofold: either the child develops an inferiority complex, or being first and better than others becomes an end in itself, the child stops enjoying the process of completing tasks. His goal is to earn approval at any cost. As a result, there is an excellent student syndrome.
- If there is a firm belief in the family that love is earned only through good deeds, then the child sees its manifestations only when he behaves well. A belief arises: the more “correct” he is, the more he is loved. A girl or boy tries to conform to their parents’ ideas of “correctness”, while moving away from their individuality and developing an excellent student (excellent student) complex.
- Adults regularly scold and punish a child for mistakes according to the principle: “if you tried harder, everything would work out.” Gradually, this develops in him excessive self-criticism and excellent student syndrome. As an adult, a person constantly strives for perfection, acutely experiencing his failures and mistakes.
- Indifference on the part of adults causes the child to feel... He tries to attract the attention of his parents with good grades and actions, tries to do everything perfectly in order to finally receive the necessary attention and recognition.
The danger of excellent student syndrome in both adults and children manifests itself in emotional and mental exhaustion. A person in this state has a hard time experiencing his mistakes and defeats. With such internal tension, even everyday obstacles can seem insurmountable after a while.
Excellent student syndrome is more often observed in women who, in childhood, were taught the idea that they had to be an obedient girl, an exemplary, well-rounded student. True, this complex is also not uncommon among men.
Symptoms of the disease
The symptoms of excellent student syndrome are very vivid and acutely experienced. In some situations, this complex can develop into a pathology, becoming akin to a disease, but this rarely happens.
However, even moderately expressed signs of excellent student syndrome complicate life, limit a person’s capabilities, and provoke difficulties in interpersonal relationships. The severity of excellent student syndrome can vary; its distinctive features are:
- an inflated sense of responsibility, especially among women: they must be ideal mothers, wives, women. Have time to do household chores, raise children, plan family leisure, build a career, and also maintain an impeccable appearance;
- the need to do everything perfectly - . A person sets a high standard for himself, which everything he does must meet. If there is no such correspondence, he feels broken, empty, worthless. Unfortunately, in reality, not everything depends on a person, so achieving the ideal often becomes impossible;
- acute reaction to criticism, even objective. Criticism causes in a person with excellent student syndrome not a desire to change, to work on oneself, but an inferiority complex and a depressive state;
- an urgent need for the approval of others. A person craves approval and praise for his every action and achievement. He does not accept himself as he is, because he is internally convinced that without perfect completion of the task he is not worthy of love and respect;
- “winners in everything” - men and women with excellent student syndrome do not know how to lose, they must be better than others in any situation. They are painfully aware of the victories and success of those who are better than them;
- fear of taking risks - a person with excellent student syndrome rarely opens his own business, is afraid to start from scratch, change dramatically, move to another city, etc. All these fears stem from the fear of failure, the fear of doing “something wrong.”
The most interesting thing: people who strive to be perfect, successful in all areas of life, rarely achieve significant success. Often their peers, who have a simpler outlook on life and from time to time allow it to flow on its own, worry less about failures and achieve greater results.
Portrait of an excellent student: alarming symptoms
There are several signs by which you can distinguish a person with excellent student syndrome:
- the desire to always be first in everything;
- acute, prolonged experience of any, even minor, failure;
- a person with excellent student syndrome reacts sharply to criticism and remarks;
- fear of failure, leading to refusal of activity;
- constant comparison of oneself with others, a jealous attitude towards the praise of another person, not his;
- , depending on the views and opinions of other people;
- persistent desire to always meet the expectations of others;
- a person with excellent student syndrome is characterized by a negative attitude towards the successes of others and poorly concealed glee over their failures;
- excessive self-confidence, which sharply decreases after criticism;
- inability to enjoy life and treat oneself with humor.
These symptoms of an excellent student complex can occur in both children and adults. The problem here is that a person with this syndrome is concerned not so much with the goal, the result of his activity, as with the assessment of this activity and its result by the people around him.
Diagnosis of the syndrome
In some cases, with serious emotional instability, consultation with a psychiatrist may be required to determine or exclude excellent student (excellent student) syndrome. He will be able to determine what causes a person’s condition: a healthy desire for or a pathological desire that requires serious correction.
For this purpose, perfectionism tests consisting of 24 or 45 questions are used in psychiatry. The subject's frank answers will help determine his psychological state.
Is it worth treating the disease?
There is nothing wrong with a child or an adult striving to achieve and improve their life. It’s another matter when these aspirations develop into obsessive states and turn into pathology. This can undermine a person’s emotional health, causing serious mental disorders. In this case, you need to look for ways to get rid of the excellent student complex. Otherwise, the consequences can be destructive for the individual.
How does the syndrome interfere in adult life?
Obsessing over little things, depending on the opinions of others, striving to meet their expectations, overreacting to criticism - all these manifestations of the excellent student syndrome complicate a person’s life, provoking problems in various areas:
- At work, a person with excellent student syndrome finds it difficult to tolerate the successes of his colleagues and tries to overcome them in everything that aggravates. The boss may set such an executive employee as an example to others, thereby causing a negative attitude towards him. Employees do not like such “upstarts” and often discuss them behind their backs.
Individuals with excellent student syndrome are not capable of creativity. It is easier for them to carry out monotonous tasks within established limits - all for the sake of approval from their superiors. They are able to sacrifice their personal time, staying at work longer than anyone else, but this is done not so much for the sake of achieving a goal, but for the sake of encouragement and recognition.
- In personal life, the excellent student complex manifests itself more often in women. They are sure that a stunning appearance, the ability to cook deliciously, satisfy a man in bed, keep the house in perfect order and earn more than their husband - only these qualities make them the best wives worthy of love.
When a man does not notice the efforts of such an “ideal” wife, scandals break out. The woman begins to accuse her husband of “he doesn’t love and appreciate her,” “she tries her best for him, but he doesn’t notice it,” and everything in the same spirit. Often this ends in divorce and a complete break in the relationship. After which the man finds himself a woman who does not suffer from excellent student syndrome.
- When raising children, parents with an excellent student complex demand too much from their offspring. It has everything: comparing them with their peers; selection and imposition of the “suitable” company with the “right” children; punishments for the slightest mistakes, failures, bad grades; manifestations of love exclusively for good behavior and so on.
Such parents enroll their child in several sections at once - after all, he must be the most successful of all, the smartest, strongest, dexterous, and talented. As a result, the child grows up to be either a rebel who does everything in defiance of his parents, or another person with the same excellent student syndrome as his parents.
- Relationships with friends and acquaintances are not easy to build. Individuals with an excellent student complex find it difficult to make friends and maintain friendships. All because of the desire to appear better than they really are and the desire to prove that they are superior to everyone in everything. And also a competitive consciousness, constant criticism of those who do not correspond to their ideas and ideals.
WITH strangers women and men with excellent student syndrome can behave defiantly, talking about their successes and achievements (often exaggerated). If in response they receive a remark or insufficient recognition of their merits, they react painfully to this. This situation creates a tense atmosphere in any company.
It is quite possible to communicate well with others, learn to build harmonious, productive relationships with loved ones, if you slightly adjust your perception of yourself and the world around you.
Ways to get rid of the syndrome
If you feel that your life has reached a dead end, and relationships have only a negative connotation, you can fix everything and get rid of the excellent student syndrome. What should be done for this? Decide whether you need the help of a specialist or if you can handle it on your own. Perhaps it will be enough to visit a psychologist. If the problem is deeper, you may need to consult a psychotherapist.
The fight against the excellent student complex includes the following options:
- Communication with a psychologist will help correctly. A person will begin to realize that the desire to be perfect in everything spoils life, and does not improve it. In the process, you can learn, get rid of dependence on the approval of others and free yourself from the excellent student syndrome.
- Allow yourself to make mistakes, not to be perfect in all life situations. Learn to do some things less than perfectly: not wash all the dishes, leaving some for later. When putting all the items in their places on the table or shelves, “forget” something: carelessly leave a piece of paper in the middle of the table or put a T-shirt with your underwear.
This kind of “clutter” will help you loosen the grip of perfectionism and the excellent student complex. You will notice that at the same time, nothing in your life has worsened: people’s attitude towards you has not changed, it has not been disrupted, your abilities and skills have not undergone catastrophic changes. Gradually, you can move from small “violations of order” to larger ones. This will make you more independent from the opinions of others, give you a feeling of freedom from internal restrictions and relieve you of the excellent student syndrome.
- Don't compare yourself to other people. No one will repeat your path; everyone has their own experience, environment, upbringing, abilities, inclinations. There are no absolutely identical people, therefore comparing yourself with anyone other than yourself is unjustified and meaningless.
- Realize that no one expects you to be perfect. Don't attribute to people what they don't really think. Based on this, you should not expect constant approval of your actions from others.
- Ask your loved ones for help: introduce in the family good habit often hug each other for no reason, praise without reference to any actions. That is, to make it clear that you (and you) love each other just like that, and not for any special merits. This method helps very well in the fight against excellent student syndrome.
- Do something extraordinary in your eyes at least once a week to free your real ones. Regularly set aside time for: completely abandon all worries, occupying your time with entertainment: going to the cinema, chatting with friends or relatives, visiting a water park and other entertainment venues.
- When faced with criticism of your actions, you must remember that this is the opinion of an individual person. Try to look at the criticism from the outside, how objective it is, and if so, what benefit can you take from it. Do not perceive criticism as an attempt to humiliate or insult your dignity or abilities. This misperception stems from an excellent student complex.
- Invent yourself or start a new business. And don’t expect others to reward you for the results of your work. Do what you want for the sake of the process itself. To derive pleasure not from the result, but from the “doing” itself. Let not everything work out and not look perfect, the goal is not to win over others, not to be superior and have an excellent student complex, but to have fun.
- Allow life to take its course: influence what you can influence, and let go of situations that you cannot influence.
Don't try to use all of these methods at once. Introduce them gradually into your life and over time you will be able to overcome the excellent student syndrome.
Important! Getting rid of the excellent student (excellent student) complex when you become an adult is not easy. However, regular, hard work on yourself will help you overcome it.
Prognosis and prevention
Is an excellent student complex always a bad thing? First of all, you need to understand how much the desire for leadership and developing the skill of “success” in all areas prevails over common sense. If it doesn’t become painful, such aspirations can give strength, motivate, and be an impetus for great achievements.
If a person lives only with these aspirations, with a manic need to be the best in everything and to overcome everyone, it is worth urgently addressing the problem of the excellent student complex. Since in this situation a person’s life and personality are in a destructive stage. He ceases to feel needed and plunges into deep depression. In the end, everything can end very badly: taking your own life.
The best prevention of a problem is its complete absence. Parents need to think about the methods of raising a child, their expectations for him, and the consequences of their actions. The excellent student syndrome can latently ripen in a child from whom impeccability and perfection are expected.
In an adult, preventing an excellent student complex can be a constant reminder to yourself that life is beautiful in all its manifestations, even if victories are not always achievable and mistakes are made. And also in great ways getting rid of the excellent student syndrome will be: developing the ability to laugh at yourself and trust in life through the ability to let things take their course from time to time.
It is necessary to fight the excellent student syndrome when it interferes with living and building interpersonal relationships, start a family or raise children. The main thing is that in this case everything is done without fanaticism.
There are also positive sides in the excellent student syndrome (excellent student complex) - it can be used to achieve goals. Not someone else's, but yours. When you achieve what you are striving for, it is not the assessment and approval of others that should be important to you, but who you became in the process of achieving it and what peaks you were able to conquer.
Excellent student syndrome or excellent student Many people primarily associate it with children, but in adults it is not as rare as one might think. Of course different people this state is expressed in different ways: some cannot go home without completing the boss’s task (although it endures until the end of the week), while for others it literally turns into a way of life. Everything from appearance and ending with a position on the career ladder, must correspond to the highest grades, and any mistake or even a small oversight is perceived as a complete failure. In this article we will talk about why this approach is not always good and how to get rid of it.
Excellent student syndrome: description and features
When talking about such conditions, in most cases we will talk about excellent student syndrome (in our case, in adult women). It really occurs more often among women, although sometimes it does not bypass men. In any case, the causes and methods of control, as a rule, do not depend on gender. This syndrome usually begins in childhood: at the end of preschool - beginning of school time. At this time, excellent student syndrome is often not perceived by parents as something bad: a diligent girl or a diligent boy tries to get only A's. What's wrong with this?
And the fact is that sometimes this excessive desire to achieve exceptionally excellent results is consolidated and begins to be projected into adulthood. For someone this state limited only to work (as a logical continuation of study), but some extend it to all aspects of life. For example, a lady with excellent student syndrome may believe that the love of her husband directly depends on the ideal order in the house, and the favor of the boss automatically follows on timely and excellent completion of tasks. Such people are not satisfied with any results other than ideal ones (which is why there is sometimes an opinion that the excellent student syndrome is identical to perfectionism).
Because of this approach, a person spends an unreasonable amount of time, effort and nerves on 
achieving excellent results even in areas where such activity is generally not advisable. Because of this, difficulties arise in relationships with friends, relatives, colleagues, a person has less free time, problems are observed in achieving goals, etc. Some people with excellent student syndrome (as well as some perfectionists) are afraid to take on new things or set bold goals for themselves, because they are too afraid of not achieving the ideal result (and nothing else is recognized as a result).
However, this cannot be said that this condition has only disadvantages. Initially, it contains the right message: to do the job as well as possible. Depending on the personal characteristics of its owner, this syndrome means responsibility, meticulousness, thoroughness in completing a task, meeting deadlines and many other qualities useful in work and personal life. That's why You shouldn’t get rid of it completely – it’s important to take control of it. We'll talk about this below.
And although we promised not to talk about children in this article, we still won’t be able to do without them completely. The fact is that this condition is formed precisely in childhood, so we will have to turn to it to understand possible reasons occurrence of excellent student syndrome. Often the excellent student syndrome is only a consequence of certain problems and/or attitudes, and dealing with such a consequence without working on the root cause is, if not useless, then definitely less effective.
Parent-child relationship
It should be noted that this condition can appear due to a variety of factors, and most of them (though not all) are related to parent-child relationships and characteristics of upbringing. For example, someone, for one reason or another, believed that parental love depends only on academic performance, or tried to attract the attention of his mother and father with excellent grades. Sometimes parents directly tell a child who, in their opinion, received bad grades, that they don't like him, he's bad etc. 
Moreover, bad grades can mean not only twos or threes, but also fours or even fives with a minus. After all, parents themselves may believe that any less than excellent result is not a result at all, and instill this system ratings for your child.
Sometimes this syndrome leads to physical (or non-physical) punishment for bad grades, in the opinion of the parents (and here we note that in this situation, excellent student syndrome may not be the worst “legacy” of such upbringing). However, unspoken directly, but still visible to the child disappointment or displeasure Moms or dads, grandmothers or grandfathers sometimes act no worse than reproaches spoken out loud. Someone was being scared too much consequences of bad grades or over-exaggerated the importance of excellent academic performance, directly linking it with further success.
We emphasize that for almost all the cases described above, words are very important “too” or “very”, taking into account the perception of this particular child. Some children may be lectured daily about the importance of doing well in school, but they will continue to learn as they see fit. Others, under pressure from parents or other factors, accept a system in which only an excellent result is considered a result, everything else is bad. It is worth emphasizing that sometimes the formation of this syndrome actually comes out of the best intentions caring parents . And sometimes - because they are trying to embody in their children what they themselves failed to achieve. But this is only part of the possible options.
Features of character and worldview
No matter how much some would like to blame everything on their parents, some of the reasons for the occurrence of the syndrome of an excellent student or an excellent student are more likely related to the characteristics of the person himself, and the influence of the mother, father or other relatives was quite indirect.
In particular, for some of those susceptible to the syndrome of an excellent student or an excellent student, it became relevant while still at school simple and clear template: “I have to study excellently, and since I study excellently, it means 
“Everything in my life will be fine.” Such a child perceives the world in a black-and-white spectrum, with a clear distinction between right and wrong actions, guided by the attitude that right actions are automatically followed by happy life, for the wrong ones there are punishments and problems. At a very young age, the world should be perceived this way, but over time we begin to understand that the black-and-white right-wrong paradigm does not always work, so most people modify it, “diluting” it with halftones and shades. Others try to fit the surrounding reality into a black and white framework, and the excellent student syndrome can help with this. This approach can continue into adult life, primarily because of its convenience and simplicity: it sweeps aside all uncertainties, etc.
Another reason for the occurrence of excellent student syndrome: low self-esteem and/or the desire to prove to everyone that you are the best. At school, excellent grades can be such proof, especially if you fail to demonstrate your “coolness” to classmates, teachers, or those same parents in other areas. Studying can become that saving cocoon behind which a child feels safe. And in order for this cocoon to remain strong, it is important to study only perfectly. Accordingly, in adult life 
Work, hobbies, etc. become the same cocoon, but the approach to them does not change: everything must be just perfect.
This syndrome also disguises inability to accept criticism and work on mistakes: after all, if the work is already excellent, then there will simply be nothing to criticize/correct. However, often cause and effect change places or form a vicious circle. “Excellent students” are not used to receiving criticism, since in most cases they do the job even too well. Because of this, all critical statements (even objective ones) are considered by them as attacks and/or as nit-picking.
Often, understanding the true root cause, and even more so working to correct it, can be quite problematic, and not everyone can cope with this without the help of a specialist. Therefore, if you really want to calm down the unconscious desire within yourself only for excellent results, if necessary, do not hesitate to contact psychologists.
How can adults get rid of the syndrome of an excellent student or an excellent student?
First of all, we note that In adulthood, it is very difficult to get rid of this syndrome. This pattern of behavior has been with you almost your entire adult life - you can’t just change it, but correct it, You can still take control of it. As we said, it is very important work with the root cause. This is what we would call the first step towards getting rid of the excellent student syndrome, or rather, taking the advantages it gives and minimizing the disadvantages. In addition, there are a number of universal tips that will probably be appropriate regardless of the specific reason.
Before moving on to them, let's make one remark. If for you the excellent student syndrome extends not only to work, but also to your personal life, it is within the latter that we suggest conducting experiments. As a rule, in this case the field for them is wider, and the damage (here we mean both possible real damage and your internal perception of the results obtained) is much lower.
Achieve sub-par results
Many people with pronounced excellent student syndrome (and especially excellent students) try to do everything flawlessly even in completely everyday situations - neatly laid out clothes, a strict, appropriate dress code, polished dishes. If this sounds like you, start getting rid of the excellent student syndrome by introduce an element of irregularity into home life. For example, don’t arrange your socks in pairs and colors, skip one cleaning of the apartment, paint one eye slightly differently than the other. You will see that absolutely nothing has changed from this - people’s attitude towards you has not changed, the essence of your work, your daily routine, etc. have not changed. Increase the number of such everyday “irregularities”, moving from very small to larger ones.
Learn to relinquish responsibility
“If you want to do it well, do it yourself.” In general, this is an excellent principle, but because of it, carriers of the syndrome in question cannot simply delegate a task to someone, but must double-check everything and often redo it. Of course, in some cases this is really necessary, for example, if the trainee is helping you with an important report for a client, but does not fully understand the task. However, there are probably some on your list of delegated/delegated tasks where there is no real need for rework - you want to bring everything to the ideal. It is on such tasks that one should learn to relieve oneself of responsibility, or rather - stop finishing others' work so that it starts answering yours too much high standards . Don’t wash the dishes for your husband, don’t wipe the dust for your child, don’t redo unimportant work for your subordinates. This method will not only save time, but will also bring into your life a piece of something that is not so ideal from your point of view. And again, you will see with your own eyes that the world does not collapse because of this.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes
You have probably heard phrases such as “To err is human”, “To err is human”, etc. 
Nevertheless, people with excellent student syndrome for some reason believe that they have been deprived of this right and property, and any mistake they make is perceived as a disaster. You can prove to yourself that this is not so, for example, by starting learn something completely new. In this case, you are unlikely to be able to do without making mistakes and in practice you will see that there is nothing wrong with them - this is a natural stage of learning. Therefore, if you have always wanted to engage in creativity, get a second higher education, learn to dance or master any foreign language, fulfill your desire and at the same time help yourself get rid of the excellent student syndrome. After all, a different attitude towards mistakes in your new chosen field can serve as a global rethinking of your attitude towards them. Also, remember more often one of the principles of NLP: “There are no errors, there is feedback.”
Learn to work with criticism
As already mentioned, sometimes the excellent student syndrome is closely related to the inability to properly accept criticism. “I do everything perfectly – period” – if this approach applies to you, you should work on ability to accept criticism. This will also allow you to think differently about mistakes and benefit from them and from the advice of the person who found them, without turning the very fact of criticism into a disaster. Of course, like getting rid of excellent student syndrome in adults, changing your attitude towards criticism will most likely require a fair amount of time and effort on your part, but the results are usually worth it.
Limit your time
Achieving an ideal result takes time - more than is actually required for good performance of this task. With this in mind, set your own deadlines(and resist the temptation to miss deadlines - Parkinson's Law can help with this). Leave enough to do the job well and efficiently, but without going overboard with idealism. Successfully completing several such good, but not ideal, jobs in practice will show you that not everything needs to be done “to the highest standard” for the result to be completely satisfactory. (We remind you that first you should experiment with tasks that are not the highest priority - for this advice this is especially important.)
Set your priorities
Determine for yourself what specific goals you have for this moment Your priority is to get a promotion or a second one higher education, save up for an apartment or to open your own business, learn foreign language etc. Grinding up perfect condition any work that is not related to your goals, often ask yourself the question: is it worth stopping right now so that the saved time can be spent on what is really important to you?
Such an attitude will provide additional motivation to limit time and do the job well, but not fanatically excellent.
Follow the Relationship Life is not always unfair, and often we really don’t want to think about it. But sometimes an adult needs to get rid of the excellent student syndrome. For example, if it seems to you that excellent performance of tasks is always followed by the favor of your boss, take a closer look at yourself and your colleagues. Perhaps you will have before your eyes examples of how those who do worse work are more often given bonuses or are more willing to meet halfway, while you have already been passed over for a promotion several times, etc. However, such examples do not necessarily have to be depressing. In particular, your friends, significant other and children probably don't love you because your clothes are always perfectly ironed, right? Such revaluation can become additional motivation to throw off the shackles of the excellent student syndrome. However, we want to warn you that for some it is very difficult, because it can destroy the foundations of their worldview. If you are not confident in yourself, you should not do it yourself, but it is better to do it under the “supervision” of a psychologist.
Excellent student syndrome and perfectionism. What is the difference?
Many people believe that excellent student syndrome and perfectionism are one and the same. In many ways, these states are indeed similar, but they cannot be called completely identical due to several important differences.
Let's give an example from childhood: you can pass a math test with a 5, because you know the material perfectly, solved all the problems and completed the work flawlessly. But there is another way - to copy from a neighbor. A person with excellent student syndrome may not shy away from the second option, but for a perfectionist it is not acceptable. In other words, perfectionists focus on the work itself, while people with excellent student syndrome focus on the result and the perception of this result.At the same time, of course, excessive perfectionism interferes with life just as much as the excellent student syndrome. You will learn more about the features of this condition, what perfectionist paralysis is and how to deal with it in
